


Afterthoughts

by wesawbears



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-09 17:05:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 101
Words: 58,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7810144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesawbears/pseuds/wesawbears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I needed to organize my writing prompts off of tumblr, so I've decided to post them here. There is an assortment of Jerejean, Andreil, Kandreil, and fox friendship herein. Enjoy, there's something for everyone!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jerejean- Subtle Kindnesses

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is Jerejean, based on the prompt "Subtle Kindnesses". The stresses of his first year as a Trojan are beginning to catch up to Jean, so Jeremy is there to help.

In the midst of spending the entire summer adjusting to his new team and his new life, Jean had been, to put it mildly, distracted. So when the semester started and he was thrown into this new world of classes, it was overwhelming. With the Ravens, classes were definitely the second priority. They weren’t necessarily easier, but with only three people in a class it was easier to focus and they had ways of ensuring all the Ravens passed. Now, not only did he have to adjust to going to classes without a familiar face, but he also had to deal with the incessant noise of the large crowds in his classes, to the point where every day when he returned to his room he had a pounding headache. 

Currently, Jean was sitting in his room with only his desk lamp on, staring blankly at his math textbook. He had a test in the morning, but he still wasn’t prepared and his mounting anxiety had prevented him from being able to ask for extra help. He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated, and had just about convinced himself that he was going to fail, be forced to drop out, and be murdered by Ichirou, when he heard a soft knock on the door.

He turned to see Jeremy leaning against his doorway. “How’s it going?”

Jean turned a glare on him. “How does it look like it’s going?”

Jeremy didn’t even look phased at being yelled at. After five months he was completely used to it. “I passed your room earlier and I saw your light still on, so I went and got you this.” He held out a cup of what appeared to be coffee. “I figured if you had a test tomorrow you’d be up for a while so caffeination was in order. And maybe a study buddy?”

Jean took the offered drink and took a sip. “You remembered I don’t like sugar?”

“A man can only get sworn at in French about “American blasphemy” so many times before he gets the hint.”

Jean smiled before sighing and looking back down at his book. “I think I’m a lost cause.”

Jeremy frowned, which looked so out of place on his face that Jean regretted saying it. “You’re not a lost cause. It’s one day at a time.”

“One day might be all I have if I fail this test.”

“Don’t be dramatic. Move over here and we can look at it together. I’m not bad at math.”

“Really, and here I was worried that you weren’t completely perfect,” Jean quipped dryly.

Jeremy flashed a smile before saying, “Just wait until I make you help me with my French homework.”

“Mon Dieu,” Jean muttered under his breath, but moved over to sit on the bed and discuss polynomials and equations until they were both too tired to focus on the book anymore. 

“I should let you sleep,” Jeremy said quietly.

“No,” Jean said. He paused, embarrassed with the way his voice had sounded, but continued, “Sleeping is...it’s hard. Adjusting after the Nest, I mean. But maybe, if you don’t mind, you could just talk to me until I fall asleep?”

Jeremy looked at him in silence for a minute and Jean hated feeling on display like this. “If you’re going to mock me, just leave. Forget I said anything.”

“I’m not mocking you. I’m just happy you asked for help.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “You and Alvarez can throw a party about my progress later. Right now I have to be awake in 8 hours.”

Jeremy lay on top of the covers next to Jean and chattered about nothing until Jean felt his eyes growing heavy. The last thing he was conscious of before falling asleep was Jeremy’s lips softly on his forehead.


	2. Andreil- Neil in a Skirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says in the title. Someone asked for Neil in a skirt and I delivered.

“Oh my fucking god.”

Neil turned at the sound of someone’s voice behind him. At first his hands went nervously to the hem, trying to smooth it out, but once he realized it was Aaron walking back into the room, he just smirked and said “Dumb looks are free, but I charge 10 bucks a minute.”

Aaron swore under his breath and said “As if I’m asking to see your entire ass. If you’re gonna wear shit like that, can you at least make it fit?”

“The skirt is supposed to be this short. Besides, I thought you liked it. I’ve seen your girlfriend in skirts just like this.”

“Yeah, but she’s…”

“A girl?” 

They both turned at the sound of a voice in the doorway. Andrew pushed himself off the door frame, then moved to stand at Neil’s side. “ It is a piece of cloth. You bore me Aaron. Go away.”

Aaron huffed, but turned and walked out of the room, apparently deciding that whatever he had come back for obviously wasn’t that important.

Neil turned to fully face Andrew. “So? See anything you like?”

Andrew exhaled. “You’re in the room, so no.”

Neil laughed and shrugged. “You don’t have to like me to like my ass though.”

“True,” he answered and settled his hands on Neil’s hips. He looked as unaffected as ever, but Neil noticed how his grip tightened slightly the longer they were there. 

Neil leaned closer, still careful not to touch Andrew and whispered, “we have ten minutes until we have to leave for practice. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Andrew answered as he moved his hands to hoist Neil up to hold him firmly by his thighs and said, “Fucking junkie.”

Kevin walks in to get his gear at minute eight.


	3. Jerejean- Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean wakes up the day after he and Jean get married and realizes he's happy.

Jean woke to the feeling of lips against his neck, Jeremy’s stubble light enough to tickle instead of burn. He squirmed a bit, trying to bury his face in his pillow to catch a few more minutes of precious sleep. Of course, it was just Jean’s luck that Jeremy was a morning person.

Jeremy chuckled, close enough that Jean could feel the rumble through his chest. “You’re just grumpy because you haven’t had your coffee yet.”

“Did I say that out loud?”

Jeremy laughed, a full laugh this time. “Mmm...you must be really tired,” he said, nuzzling further into Jean’s neck to nuzzle at the soft hairs at the base of his neck, his arm tightening around Jean’s middle.

“I am,” Jean sighed, “My husband decided to keep me up all night.”

Jeremy caught hold of Jean’s hand, lifting it and pressing his lips to the spot where a ring now sat on his finger. “That was rude of him. Doesn’t he know you need your beauty sleep?”

“I’m fairly certain he doesn’t need sleep. He’s always so energetic. Like an overgrown puppy.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to miss a minute of getting to stare at his beautiful husband.”

Jean groaned and turned over in Jeremy’s arms. “You’re disgusting. I don’t know how you don’t have cavities from the way you speak.”

Jeremy ignored his comment and kissed him lazily, lulling Jean into a pleasant state of half-wakefulness. After a few minutes, he found himself laying on his back with Jeremy as a solid weight on top of him. A few years ago this position would have thrown him into a panic attack, but this was Jeremy, the man who had let Jean spew hateful vitriol at him for a year and a half and hadn’t blinked, the man who held his hand when Jean finally got a new tattoo over his 3 and let Jean squeeze so hard his hand was red for hours after. The man who saw Jean at his absolute worst and still thought that Jean was good enough to marry.

He came back to the feeling of Jeremy running his fingers through his hair. “Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere, mon cher,” Jean reassured. “I was just thinking that I’m happy.”

You wouldn’t think that being happy the morning after one’s wedding would be a big deal, but Jeremy’s grin was so bright Jean had to turn to look at the sunlight streaming in through the blinds. “I’m really happy too.”

They lay there in silence for a few more minutes before Jeremy snuck one more kiss to Jean’s wrist and rolled off him. Jean whined at the loss of his body heat, but Jeremy just said, “Our flight’s in a few hours. The sooner we get there, the sooner you can show me all of France. Including French coffee.”

Jean sat up and as he watched his husband stroll around their hotel room humming to himself, he thought that by some twist of fate, he was, for the first time in his life, incredibly lucky.


	4. Aaron and Andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron finds out that Tilda's dead.

He gets the call when he’s at what’s supposed to be Andrew’s study group. It’s a nurse, which makes him think that Andrew has to be hurt too. Maybe. He doesn’t actually know Andrew well enough to know whether he’d call if something happened to him. It feels weird to say that about his twin brother, but it is what it is.

Since he’s still being Andrew, he has license to just walk out of the meeting without a word and he ends up at the hospital, though if asked he couldn’t tell you how. He gets the room number from a nurse and stops short when he sees Andrew sitting up in his hospital bed, in the process of ripping an IV out of his arm. 

“What the hell happened? Where’s Mom?” he says, stepping closer to Andrew to try to stop him. He makes the mistake of putting his hand too close to Andrew’s arm and is rewarded with a sharp pinch to his arm that leaves an angry red mark and makes him yelp. He sighs and says “Just stop for a minute and tell me what happened. I need to find Mom.”

“She’s dead.”

Aaron feels like all the air has just been punched out of his lungs. His head swims and the feeling of relief he’s experiencing is only rivaled by the nausea climbing up his throat. “What?”

“We hit the median. Her head hit the steering wheel. She didn’t make it.” Andrew pauses for a moment. “No that’s wrong. That made her pass out, but it was probably the glass shards through her skull that did her in in the end.”

It takes Aaron almost 30 seconds to suck in a ragged breath before he says, “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. She did it to herself.”

“You know what I mean.” Aaron can hear his voice getting louder and more hysterical, but he can’t stop it. 

“Shh,”Andrew whispers, “Shh, it’s okay Aaron. People are going to ask questions soon if they see you like this.”

“Is this...did you plan this?”

“I told her what would happen if she touched me. She dug her own grave.”

“That’s not...I can handle it.”

Andrew examines his fingers. “Clearly not.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Aaron knows he’s yelling now, but he can’t stop, he doesn’t know what to think. It’s Andrews’s hand on his arm, squeezing hard enough to almost cut off his circulation that brings him back.

Andrew looks like he’s about to respond, but a nurse walks in at that moment. She skitters out of the room when she sees Andrew’s glare, but it breaks the moment enough that Aaron is able to pull away.

The rest of the night is a blur of details. Uncle Luther asks him to call his cousin Nicky to tell him what happened while Luther talks to Andrew. Aaron hasn’t spoken to Nicky since he went to Germany, but he remembers that he was always nice to him when they were kids. 

He doesn’t remember much of the phone call, but he hears himself begging Nicky to “please come home, I can’t look at him, I don’t know how to do this, please.” He hangs up the phone the second Nicky says yes.

He collapses exhausted at around 4 in the morning and thinks about how all he had wanted his entire life was a brother. How ironic.


	5. Andreil- Post-Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil takes care of Andrew after a game, as much as he can.

The Foxes had just finished a particularly taxing game against the Bearcats and Neil was completely exhausted. He leaned against the wall of the stadium, breathing heavily and preparing himself to walk over to the horde of Foxes in the center of the arena getting ready for handshakes. As he headed over to his teammates however, he looked over to see that Andrew was still in goal, fidgeting with his gloves.

He ignored Kevin’s stare and headed over to the goal. He stood in front of Andrew, who glanced up at him, but didn’t respond and promptly resumed ignoring him.

They stayed in this stalemate for an uncomfortable moment before Andrew moved aside and started walking towards the center, clearly beckoning Neil to follow with just a “Staring.”

Neil could tell something was wrong, but he wanted to wait until they were off the court to confront Andrew about what was wrong. However, he couldn’t help but notice the subtle tightening of Andrew’s shoulders with every handshake he had to receive. As they headed off the court, Neil raised an eyebrow at him, but Andrew’s face didn’t move from its normal blank state.

While the rest of the team moved to the showers, Andrew sat down on one of the benches and stared down at his hand, flexing his fingers every few seconds. Neil sat on the floor in front of him and hovered his hand by Andrew’s. “Yes or no?”

“No.”

Neil pulled his hand away, but didn’t move from his spot. “Are you hurt?”

“I’ll live.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Andrew scowled and said nothing.

“If you’re hurt, we need to go tell Abby so that we can make sure nothing’s seriously wrong.”

Andrew continued the silent treatment. After a few minutes, Neil huffed in frustration and said, “Andrew, let me see your hand. It’s either me or Abby and I know who you’d prefer.”

Andrew thrust his hand out for Neil’s inspection, saying “For a man with a barely there identity, you think very highly of yourself.”

Neil snorted and turned Andrew’s hand over carefully in his own. “And you enjoy making things difficult. That’s not my fault.”

They were quiet for another moment before Neil stood and said, “I’m going to get ice. Can I trust you not to run off?”

“I’m not the runner, remember?”

Neil rolled his eyes, but headed over to where Abby stored ice and brought a pack back to where Andrew was waiting. He waited for Andrew’s nod before pressing it to his palm, ensuring that it was resting on all the affected parts. It was a bit difficult with the way Andrew would hiss and pull his hand away frequently.

Eventually, Neil sighed. “This would be over a lot sooner if you’d stop moving.”

Andrew’s tone didn’t fluctuate much, but Neil knew him well enough to hear the slight petulance in his voice when he complained, “It’s cold.”

“Of course it is. It’s ice. Sit still.”

From there, Andrew was a much more cooperative patient and Neil was finally able to wrap the ice around Andrew’s hand. After a moment, he said, “You realize this is why they call us an old married couple, right?”

Andrew exhaled shortly. “As though I’d marry you. You’re a prime candidate for runaway groom.”

Neil huffed out a laugh. “Do you have to be an asshole?”

“Yes.”

“I’m done running. The only thing you’d have to be worried about is me dumping hot soup on you because you’re an awful patient.”

“I’d put sugar in your coffee.”

“I’d put your ice cream out in the sun.”

“I’d throw out your kale bullshit.”

“I’ll bring home a cat.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

They stared at each other for a minute before Neil said, “I win.”  
“I wasn’t playing.”

Neil stood up to head toward the shower before the others started complaining. “Don’t be a sore loser.”

“Get out of my sight.”

“Okay, but you forfeit the right to stare at my ass while I’m walking away.”

“I hope you drown.”

“Whatever you say.”


	6. Andreil- Alternate Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes find out about Andrew and Neil's relationship in a slightly different way.

Neil leans his head against the window of Andrew’s car as he tries not to doze off. Old habits die hard, and he still wants to make sure he knows the way back. Nicky, Aaron and Kevin are in the backseat, so they can’t be too obvious, but Andrew nudges his arm gently without looking away from the road to keep him awake. Neil adjusts in his seat so that he’s facing Andrew and stares at him, enjoying the way the sunlight trails over him as he drives. He hopes he isn’t being too obvious, but apparently he is because Andrew scowls at him and turns up the radio.

Kevin whines loudly from the back, because he’s still in a bad mood after his conversation with Wymack and “I was sleeping you asshole!” Andrew ignores him.

His protests seem to be for naught anyway because a few minutes later they pull into the driveway of the cabin. It’s huge and sprawling, with plenty of room for all nine foxes. Allison puts Neil and Andrew together in the downstairs bedroom because “it’s not like he’ll let you out of his sight and that way you two can keep each other up with your night terrors instead of the rest of us.”

It’s rude, but Neil is grateful because he wants to be able to spend time with Andrew alone, but he knows that it would be suspicious if he asked to be roomed with him. They go downstairs to put their bags away and Neil notices that there’s only one bed.

“I can sleep on the floor if you want…” He trails off when he sees the way Andrew scowls and throws both of their bags on the bed. Neil grins to himself and leans against the wall until Andrew is ready to head back upstairs. He meets him against the wall when he’s done getting settled and raises an eyebrow at Neil in a silent question. 

“Yes,” Neil breathes and they kiss for a few minutes until they think the others might get suspicious and come looking. When they get back upstairs, the others are already in their swimsuits and headed for the hot tub. Neither Andrew or Neil are comfortable being that exposed around the others, but they help Nicky make drinks and lean against the railing of the balcony in a comfortable silence.

That night though, Neil is curious. He gets out of bed and the change in weight rouses Andrew from his sleep as well. He looks curiously at Neil until Neil whispers “Yes or no?”

Andrew gets up and leans in for a kiss, which Neil indulges, but then he shakes his head and gestures upstairs. Andrew’s face doesn’t change, but he follows Neil up the stairs. 

Neil heads right for the hot tub, and though he knows getting in with all of his injuries would be a terrible idea, sits on the edge and dips his feet in and moans slightly at how good the water feels.

Andrew is still standing a little ways down, and Neil pats the spot next to him in invitation. Andrew sits next to him and follows his lead. After a moment he murmurs, “I can’t believe you woke me up for this.”  
“It’s nice,” Neil says, splashing his feet a bit in the water.

Andrew grunts in assent, then carefully tilts Neil’s head to face his. “Still yes?”

“Always yes,” Neil answers before leaning in to meet Andrew’s lips.

They kiss lazily with their feet tangled together in the water before breaking apart at the sound of a clatter behind them. 

“Holy shit,” Matt laughs, while Dan smothers her reaction behind her hand.

“Sorry. We’ll just-” she gestures behind them as they head speedily back into the cabin.

Andrew is out of the water and halfway back to their room before Neil even registers what happened.

They still sleep in the same bed that night, but Andrew has never felt farther away.

\--

The next day, Andrew is still a bit distant, but it’s not a bad day. After lunch, Matt pulls Neil aside into his room.

“So, uh, I don’t wanna push or anything, but you and Andrew…”

“It’s complicated.”

“Clearly. When did you two start...whatever it is?”

Neil hated talking about this, but he had promised to stop lying to Matt. “A few months ago.”

“Months…” Matt shook his head. “I mean, I can’t say I don’t get why you didn’t tell us, but him?”

Neil rubs his arm nervously, before shrugging and saying, “I trust him.”

Matt raises an eyebrow. “You trust him?”

Neil sighs. “I don’t have to explain anything to him. Nothing from my past scares him.”

“We’re not scared of you.”

“I know you’re not, but it’s different.”

At Matt’s silence, Neil says, “How does being with Dan make you feel?”

“Like I have someone who cares about me more than I do about myself sometimes. Like...she knows everything about me and still wants to stick around and know more.”

Neil nods.

Matt sighs and puts his hand on Neil’s shoulder. “Just promise you’ll tell me if something goes wrong?”

“I can take care of myself.”

Matt grimaces. “Believe me, I know. But the point is, you don’t have to.”

“I know.”

Matt nods, apparently content with their conversation and walks away.

\--

Later that night is the first time Neil and Andrew have been alone since their relationship came to light. Neil sits on the bed as Andrew walks around the room getting ready. 

“They don’t care.”

“Good for them.”

“What we do is none of their business. This doesn’t change anything.”

“I don’t care.”

“Is that why you won’t look at me?”

“No, that’s because I can’t stand your face.”

Neil smiles. “Liar.”

Andrew ignores him.

He lays down in bed and is relieved when Andrew crawls in beside him. He curls a hand under Neil’s chin, mindful of his injuries and says “I don’t care what those stupid assholes think they see.”

“Good. We wouldn’t want anyone thinking you care.”

“Shut up,” Andrew finished before moving his hand to the front of Neil’s shirt. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil said and let Andrew pull him in the rest of the way.


	7. Matt and Neil- Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Neil hang out with a blanket fort.

Andrew’s out of town with Kevin and Coach talking to some new potential recruits, so Matt dubs that weekend some well needed “bro time”. Neil’s happy, because ever since the room change he’s still seen Matt, but it’s different. They still see each other every day, and they have a standing Saturday brunch date, but it’s not the same as sharing a space. A day with his best friend sounds fun, even if abandoning the Court for that long leaves him a little dizzy.

Whatever he was expecting to walk into though, it wasn’t this. Matt is on the floor, with the sheets to his bed over him held up by the dresser, with his comforter underneath him. His laptop is on a pillow in front of him and Matt’s legs are too long for his feet to be able to stay within the confines of his makeshift shelter.

Neil has to lean against the door as he laughs, trying to keep quiet, but unable to stop himself. Matt looks up then, a hilariously pouty look on his face that looks out of place on such a tall, intimidating looking person and says “If you’re going to be mean, you don’t get to come in my blanket fort.”

Neil lets out one last snort and apologizes, toeing his shoes off and leaving them at the door. “Can I come in?”

Matt scoots over and gestures for Neil to lay down next to him. He does and notices the pile of movies Matt has next to it. 

“You’re still so behind on pop culture and it’s really sad. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t catch you up on everything you’ve missed living under a rock?”

“A bad one?”

“Exactly!” Matt grins and holds up two movies, one with a car that for some reason has a face, and one with a man in a racing costume. “Which one?”

“You pick.”

They watch the live action one first, which has Matt laughing out loud and quoting it. The animated one takes a bit for Neil to get into, and he keeps asking questions about the logistics of talking cars before Matt finally shushes him and says “Just this once can you suspend your disbelief, Josten.” Neil shuts up and enjoys the movie more after that. He’s happy the red car gets to stay in the town and gets a family.

After that, they sit up and Matt pulls out an animated racing game. It takes Neil a second to get used to the controls, as he’s only used to the shooting games the cousins play, but soon enough Neil is pushing Matt off the road, to his great fury. Neil’s laughing raucously once he figures out that he can keep Matt off his trail by dropping little turtle shells behind him. Eventually, Matt throws down the controller and determines that he’s hungry and is going to order a pizza. They eat and talk about how practice has been going and even though Neil knows the can of worms he’s opening, he asks how Dan and Matt are doing. Matt answers that they’re still going strong and that he’s proud of her for all the offers she’s getting for jobs after college.

“And how are you and your boy?”

“We’re fine.”

“Forgive me for asking you to use a different word.”

“We’re good.”

“How good?”

Neil pauses before quietly saying. “I think I love him?”

Matt pauses. “Whoa.”

“I’m not gonna tell him. He knows. And I know. We don’t have to say it to each other to get it.”

Matt breaks into a wide grin. “Maybe you’re not so emotionally stunted after all.”

Neil shoves Matt’s arm. “Shut up.”

They finish their food and Matt puts on another movie, which Neil falls asleep during. Neither one of them shut the door after getting their food, so when Andrew gets back that night, he’s able to walk up to the door and lean against it silently. 

Without looking up, Matt says, “You can wake him if you want, but I’m not going to.”

“Let him sleep. I’m too tired to put up with his snoring tonight anyway.”

After a moment, Matt says, “I’m not stupid enough to think that I can beat you in a fight, but if you hurt him, don’t think I won’t try.”

Andrew nods and says, “Noted.”

Matt nods curtly and says, “I’ll return him in the morning.”

Andrew makes a noise in his throat. “Good. He’d probably get lost without your help.” With that, he turns and leaves for his room.

From then on, Matt and Andrew don’t speak if they have a choice, but Neil notices that they don’t completely ignore each other either. He’s just happy to have his best friend and his Andrew on good terms.


	8. Kandreil- Kevin's book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin just wants to read. Andrew and Neil are insufferable.

It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon in Kevin, Andrew, and Neil’s dorm room and for once Kevin isn’t watching Exy. He just got a new book about Roman gladiators and it’s fascinating and today is the first afternoon he’s had to actually sit down and enjoy it. That is, if his boyfriends weren’t busy attempting to ruin his life by arguing about something stupid.

“I’m just saying, Andrew, ghosts don’t have to fully manifest to count as supernatural activity. There’s a ton of proof about residual energies and pockets of activity.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Andrew answered, putting a cigarette in his mouth.

“Says the man who believes in aliens.”

Andrew pointed his finger at Neil. “To suppose that there is no other planet in the universe that can sustain life is unbelievably arrogant. That doesn’t mean aliens are humanoid.”

Frustrated, Kevin looked at the page number he was on and dogeared it, partially because he knew how much it annoyed Andrew when he did. He banged his fist on the wall and said, “I am twenty pages away from finishing this book and if you don’t shut up, I will do one of the following: scream, cry, or throw this book at you.”

They stared at him. After a moment, Andrew said, “Screaming is ineffective and if you throw the book, you won’t get it back, so please, cry. It could be amusing.”

Kevin rolled his eyes and turned back to his book, a full pout on his face. After a few more minutes of trying to read over their arguing, Kevin threw his book down and pleaded, “What do I have to do to get you two to be fucking quiet?”

They looked at each other, before Neil smirked and moved to sit in Kevin’s lap. “Just settle our argument for us. Are ghosts real or not?”

Kevin groaned in frustration before saying, “If they don’t exist already, they will when I die just so I can haunt your asses.”

Neil rolled off of him and stared up at Andrew, appeased. “See?”

Andrew stared blankly at him and said, “That wasn’t an answer,” before dropping into the other corner of the couch.

Neil just hummed and laid down so that his head was in Kevin’s lap, ignoring the noise Kevin made as he did so. Eventually, Neil settled in and fell asleep against Kevin’s thigh. Andrew had also settled into the other corner of the couch, and though he wasn’t as close as Neil, he slept with his feet tucked under Kevin’s leg. Kevin knew what a big deal it was that Andrew felt safe enough to sleep with him near at all, so he wasn’t offended.

Kevin ran his fingers through Neil’s hair and watched as he hummed happily in his sleep. He turned his page with his other hand and smiled to himself, thinking that his boys were worth all the headaches they gave him.


	9. Andreil- Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew comes to get Neil in the hospital after a game

Andrew pulled into the hospital with a loud squeal of his tires. Neil’s game hadn’t been too far, but he still hadn’t enjoyed being one of the last to know about Neil being injured. Some backliner had thrown him to the ground and he apparently hadn’t gotten up fast enough for anyone’s comfort. The only reason Andrew hadn’t been there was because his flight between games for his team had gotten in too late for him to make it. He had wanted to sleep the jet lag off, but he was wide awake now.

Thankfully he didn’t have to deal with the registration table because he was fairly easy to recognize, as he was pretty sure he would have more serious problems if he had bowled over a few nurses on his way to Neil’s room. They seemed to have anticipated him coming and was just pointed in the direction of his room.

Once he reached the doorway, he saw Neil laying in the bed, hooked up to an IV, but otherwise alright. He moved slowly, trying to sit up when he saw Andrew until Andrew glared at him. 

“Hey,” he murmured sleepily. “When did you get here?”

Andrew ignored the question, instead saying, “Is there any part of you that isn’t bruised?”

Neil paused. “I think my lips are okay.”

“I can fix that. I can punch you in the lips if you want.”

“With your lips?”

Andrew scowled. “Glad to know your brain is bruised as well.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Neil said softly “I feel better now that you’re here.”

“Don’t say stupid things.”

“How was your flight?”

Andrew made a noncommittal noise, to which Neil just chuckled softly. After a beat, Andrew said, “So am I transferring teams or are you?”

Neil choked a bit before getting out a startled “What?”

Andrew sighed. “Your continued damage is amusing to no one. I’m not driving halfway across the country next time you get hurt. It’ll be easier if I’m there to identify the body.”

Neil’s mouth curled into a slow, soft smile. “I’ll file the paperwork when I get out of here.”

Andrew nodded once, apparently satisfied. Neil was still staring at him like a stray puppy, so Andrew moved closer and said, “You’re pathetic. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil breathed and moved up gingerly to meet Andrew’s lips. It couldn’t deepen more than a peck because of the way they were sitting, but Neil relished in the way Andrew’s hand went to his and held on tightly, tethering Neil to the current moment. Andrew stroked his thumb over Neil’s knuckles and Neil sighed happily.

“You should get some sleep,” Neil said.

Andrew grunted and moved the chair he was sitting in closer to Neil’s bed.

“You should come up here.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. “Someone’s feeling better.”

“You make me feel better.”

Andrew sighed and said, “Move over.”

Neil shifted, a little painfully, but he didn’t have to move much because of how small Andrew was. Andrew hovered his hand above Neil’s hip until Neil nodded and then he settled it there, his other hand now resting at his side. 

As Andrew settled in, Neil smiled to himself. To anyone else, Andrew looked pissed, and on some level he was, but Neil knew how much they both were drawing strength from each other. Andrew being here and the prospect of them playing together again made his heart swell and he knew how much those two gestures alone meant. His body would ache once the pain meds were gone, but it was worth it to have Andrew here and the both of them at peace.


	10. Andrew and Bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Bee come to an understanding during his freshman year.

It was six months into Andrew’s freshman year at Palmetto. That meant this was his 24th meeting with Bee. 24 meetings of earning trust, 24 glasses of hot cocoa. 24 weeks of gradually realizing that this was something that could potentially last. Andrew didn’t believe in permanency, but he understood survival and necessity better than most. And maybe, somewhere along the line, he learned that Bee wasn’t going to break.

The season was over, so he had stopped having to hear the same questions about how the season was going, and what he thought about their chances. Unfortunately, that just gave way to more small talk about his classes, something that interested him even less than Exy and his waste of space teammates. 

“How are you staying occupied now that the season’s over?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. “You’re asking if I have any hobbies?”

She paused and set her cocoa down on the table. “If that’s how you want to look at it.”

Andrew waved his hand dismissively. “Kevin is a full time job. I don’t have time for hobbies.”

“And he’s your only reason for being here?”

“I’m not happy here. So if you’re asking me if I’ve found my greater purpose and found a reason for living, you’re wasting your time.”

Bee smiled. “Do you feel like you’re supposed to be happy?”

“Isn’t that the goal of therapy? So you can fix me and plaster my face on a wall to say you’ve restored me to where I can return to human society?”

“Is that your goal?”

Andrew stared at the wall and only the slight tic of his jaw gave away that he was even slightly irritated. “Does it matter if I have a goal? Because I don’t.”

“I think it matters that you get out of this what you want. I’m here for you. My job is to give you a place where what you have to say matters.”

Andrew was quiet for a moment before saying “I don’t want anything. I don’t know how.”

“Andrew- I have been doing this job for a very long time. And you don’t have to listen to me, but I will say that there is no ‘correct’ way for someone to behave. So my job is not to restore your ability to want things or to force you to be happy or whatever else people have told you. So if you’re never happy here or if you never feel like you have a goal, that’s okay. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong. I’m just here to facilitate you finding what works for you.”

Andrew waited a moment before saying “You know you’re my twelfth therapist, right?”

“I wasn’t aware.”

Andrew nodded. “You’ve made it longer than anyone.”

“I don’t scare easy.”

“So you said the first time we met.”

“Are you beginning to believe me?”

Andrew waited a very long time before saying, “I want to.”

Bee hid her smile by taking a sip of cocoa. “I think that’s all the time we have for this week. Unless you have something to discuss?”

Andrew was already out of his seat. She waited until he was at the door before saying “Good progress this week.”

She knew he heard her. That was enough.


	11. Andreil- Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil may run, but he always comes back.

“Run and don’t ever look back.”

Neil shot up in bed, panting before working to slow his breath so he wouldn’t wake Andrew. A flare of anger rose in his chest past the panic. He was 25; he shouldn’t still wake up feeling 16 with his mother’s voice screaming in his ear. He had everything he could ever want, everything he never dreamed he would have, and yet one memory was enough to have him moving mechanically out of bed and pulling on sweatpants to go for a run just so the itch underneath his skin would leave him alone. He left the apartment after putting some food out for the cats and left a note for Andrew before shutting the door softly behind him.

He ran until his lungs burned and even then he pushed himself through the last mile back to the apartment. He made it to the door of their building before heaving onto the sidewalk. He wiped his mouth off and headed up the stairs in search of water and a long shower.

It turned out that shower was going to have to wait when Neil opened the door to see Andrew sitting on the couch, the TV on low and one of the cats in his lap, the other at his feet. It was a bit unnerving to be met with three pairs of eyes all staring at him as he shut the door behind him, but Neil ignored them in favor of getting a water bottle from the fridge. He leaned against the wall, drinking, and waited for Andrew to break the silence. Neil knew he could wait him out.

Finally, Andrew simply said, “You aren’t quiet when you wake up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I don’t care.”

Neil finished his water and came to sit next to Andrew. “I had the nightmare again.”

Andrew’s eyebrow twitched. “Which one?”

“The one with my mom.”

Andrew nodded. “And?”

“And I ran.”

Andrew moved closer to Neil so that he could put his hand on his arm, after checking that Neil was okay with the touch. “So run. Run and don’t ever look back.”

Neil’s breath caught until he felt Andrew’s hand firm as ever on the back of his neck. Once Neil’s breath steadied, Andrew pushed away from him. Neil took a moment before saying “I’m not going to run.”

“I know.”

“I told you I would stay. I want to stay.”

Andrew nodded, apparently appeased. “You should take a shower. And brush your teeth. Did you hurl?”

Neil nodded sheepishly as Andrew huffed, saying “You’re impossible.”

“Yet still interesting enough for you to keep around.”

“Not for much longer unless you get in the shower.”

“Will you meet me there?” Neil asked, smirking.

Andrew stared at him stonily. “After I know you’ve brushed your teeth, you disgusting junkie.”

Neil grinned and headed for the bathroom. Before going in, he turned back and said, “Thank you.”

Andrew waved him off, ignoring his thanks, but Neil knew the significance of what happened.


	12. Andrew and Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight during Andrew's freshman year that led to Kevin throwing Andrew's racquet.

It was August and the latent tensions from a summer of tiring practices and the pressure of the upcoming season approaching too quickly was getting to the Foxes. Except for Andrew, of course. But the fact that this pressure was not getting to Andrew was exactly what was getting to Kevin. It was after Seth got a sixth goal past Andrew that Kevin had apparently had enough. He stormed over to where Andrew was standing in the goal, his rage fueled by the smirk that was growing on Andrew’s face.

“Problem, Kevin?”

“You are better than this. You’re going to drag all of us down.”

“How tragic. I weep for you.”

Kevin hissed out a frustrated noise between his teeth before grabbing onto the front of Andrew’s helmet and pulling him in close. “You promised to keep me safe. If you continue to play like an amateur, they will come for me.”

“Yes, if I play badly for one practice Riko and his Ravens will descend from on high. That’s likely.”

“Do not underestimate them. You play like an immature child.”

Andrew pushed Kevin away and took up an exaggeratedly wounded stance. “Oh gosh, you’ve insulted me! What ever shall I do? I’ll be mentally and emotionally scarred for years!”

Kevin growled in frustration again before grabbing the racquet out of Andrew’s hands. Andrew didn’t move, simply raising an eyebrow and waiting to see what Kevin would do with it. He didn’t expect Kevin to fling his racquet halfway down the court. Andrew watched it with disinterest before turning his head toward Kevin.

“Now I know you’re not suicidal so why would you do that?”

“You’re not worthy to touch it. If you’re not going to use your racquet you should just sit out and stop wasting all of our time.”

Andrew smiled, slow and cruel. “You want me to sit out? Listen to me carefully Kevin Day.” Andrew pulled Kevin in by the neck so that their foreheads were near touching. “If you try to make me play, I will break every bone in my hand and make you watch. Do you remember what it sounded like when your hand broke? Do you care to relive it?”

The look Kevin gave Andrew could have frozen hell, but Andrew’s cheerful smile had returned as though nothing had happened. “I’m glad we had this talk. Scurry along now.”

Kevin sent Andrew one more scathing look, but headed off toward the sideline, swearing at the rest of the gaping team as he passed. The team also watched as Andrew stalked slowly to the center of the court where his racquet lay. He inspected it for damage before deeming it in working order and twirling it in his hands without regard to who was standing around him.

Andrew returned to goal, this time deflecting every shot that came after him, but deflecting it at his teammates’ ankles and throats, making them very grateful for the padding they were wearing.


	13. Matt and Neil- Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Neil settle the nature of their friendship.

Neil sighed and stumbled a bit, as his legs and feet currently felt like they were somewhere in deep space right now. He just wanted to make it back to his room and collapse in his bed after a hard game, but Kevin had made him stay after the rest of the team went upstairs so the two of them could discuss plays for next time. He didn’t know what Kevin had against sleep, but he would have to figure it out eventually so he could trick Kevin into letting him sleep.

He had his door in his sight and was moving a millimeter per hour faster at the sight of it when he was intercepted.

“Whoa, who gave you that black eye?”

Neil brought his hand to his eye and immediately regretted it. “One of the backliners. I don’t honestly remember which one.”

Matt whistled lowly and gestured for Matt to come into his room. “You need to put some ice on that before the morning or you’re gonna regret it. Trust me, I know.”

“I”m fine.”

“I thought you said you were done lying to me.”

Neil sighed and went towards the door. Matt stepped aside to let him in and he sat on Matt’s desk chair. Matt walked to the fridge and pulled out a bag of ice before handing it to Neil to place on his eye.

“Thank you.”

Matt gave him a look. “No problem. You’ve gotta stop looking at us like we’re doing something unthinkable when we give you an ice pack. That’s what friends are for.”

Neil nodded. “I know. It’s just weird going from no friends to having nine people watching after me every day.”

Matt laughed and clapped him on the back. “That’s what a team is for. And what kind of best friend would I be if I left you entirely in the hands of Andrew?”

Neil squinted up at him, despite the pain in his face at the gesture. “I’m your best friend?”

“Yeah, kid. You’re stuck with me.”

“I thought Dan was your best friend.”

Matt chuckled. “She is, but it’s different. I love her and I love hanging out with her more than anyone else in the world, but we both know that you can’t build your entire life around one person. That’s why she has Allison and Renee and I have you.”

Neil pondered that for a moment before saying “I’ve never had a best friend. I don’t think I’ll be very good at it.”

Mecifully, Matt just laughed at that. “You’ve already had the position for a while. You’re doing great.”

Neil thought about thanking him, but no way of phrasing it ever sounded right. Instead, they both seemed content to sit there as Neil iced and Matt put his things away. It reminded him of quiet nights in their room last year. Though Neil wouldn’t trade rooming with Andrew for anything, it made him a little nostalgic, something he’d never felt before.

Eventually, Aaron and Nicky made their way into the room and after some brief small talk, Neil wished them all good night and headed back to his room, feeling a lightness despite his aching muscles.


	14. Foxes- Ice Bucket Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes have a bonding experience.

This was without a doubt the stupidest thing Neil had ever been forced to do in his entire life. And that included every close call from 8 years on the run and being in the backseat while Nicky drove.

“C’mon Neil. We all agreed to do it and it’ll be good for promotional shots. We just dump the bucket of ice on you and then you towel off. It takes three seconds.”

Neil looked over to where Dan and Renee, who had already taken their turns, were shivering in their towels and swimsuits. Despite their discomfort, Dan gave him a thumbs up.

Matt smirked. “And if you do it, I’ll let you be the one to dump the bucket on Kevin during his turn.”

Kevin made a choking noise that tilted the odds in Neil’s favor. 

“Fine.” Neil said, “But if I die, I’m haunting your ass.”

Neil took his place next to the bucket, glancing at Andrew one last time. Andrew looked disinterested and simply flicked his cigarette in Neil’s direction, but he could tell Andrew was as close to amused as he got. Asshole.

“Do you want me to count it off or surprise you?”

“Count it off.” He didn’t want to react badly to a surprise sensation.

“One, two..”

Neil inhaled sharply as the icy water poured over him. He was instantly thankful for the extra layer of his tshirt and regretting wearing it for the way it stuck to his skin.

“You okay, buddy?”

“I’m fine. Just get me a towel.”

Content that Neil was alive, Matt handed him a towel off their stack and Neil immediately wrapped it around himself.

“Go warm up and I’ll bring you over for Kevin’s. We’re doing his last because it’ll make us the most money.”

Neil ignored Kevin’s indignant noise in favor of walking over to Andrew.

Andrew looked up at him. “Are you regretting not saying no when given the chance?”

“It wasn’t too bad.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“As if you didn’t already know.”

When Andrew rolled his eyes and turned away, Neil shook his head around like a dog to try and dry his hair, a few droplets hitting Andrew who stared at him in disbelief.

“Really?”

Neil laughed. “I couldn’t let you get out of this completely dry, could I?”

“Why do I keep you alive?”

Neil just laughed, before he heard, “Hey, lovebirds! We’re taking bets on whether Kevin will cry. Thoughts?”

“Nah, he’ll just sulk the rest of the day.”

Neil rubbed the towel up and down his arms one more time before saying, “Wanna help me with Kevin’s?”

Andrew stomped out his cigarette and didn’t answer, but followed Neil as he walked over to where Kevin was sitting like someone who had been led to the executioner’s chair.

“Ready?” Neil asked.

Kevin was halfway through a scathing retort before Neil tipped the bucket onto him and he was swearing vigorously.

Cheers were tossed around, money was exchanged, and drink plans were arranged and the Foxes promo day was officially a success.


	15. Andreil- Drunk!Neil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets drunk with the Foxes and lets himself relax.

As Neil steadily settled into his second year with the Foxes, he also began indulging occasionally in their penchant for getting wasted. He still didn’t drink as much or as often as the rest of them, but he became a typical college student.

One night, a game of “never have I ever” that was seemingly skewed against Neil led him to be pretty far from sober, to say the least. He giggled and joined in with the rest of the Foxes’ drunken laughter. 

“I’m drunk,” he announced, and Nicky and Matt raised their glasses in a toast.

“I love you guys. You’re all so nice and...and…” he paused and looked puzzled for a moment. “And special.”

Matt laughed loudly. “You’re pretty special too, little buddy.”

Neil hummed and leaned his head onto Matt’s knee, who simply patted his hair before helping him sit back upright. The instinct to check before initiating contact with Andrew must have been deeply ingrained, or maybe Neil just had strong self-preservation instincts, because he waited for Andrew’s nod before falling heavily into his arms, practically in his lap.

Neil felt lips brush his ear and laughed at the way it tickled before Andrew said, “You are a mess.”

Neil swung his head back to look up at him. “But I’m your mess right?”

“No one else would put up with you,” Andrew answered, but Neil still felt him tighten his arms around his middle. Neil hummed happily. Being like this, with his family, made him feel warm and sleepy and he felt like he could fall asleep right here in Andrew’s arms.

Nicky let out a squeak and Aaron gagged, which was the only thing that alerted Neil to the fact that he’d said that out loud. 

“Oops?” he giggled.

“I hate you,” Andrew said, but he didn’t push Neil away, which Neil took as a good sign.

“I think it’s time Neil goes to bed,” Andrew said, heaving Neil up to a semi-standing position. Nicky started to wolf whistle, but Andrew’s glare shut that down.

“G’night everybody!” Neil said to the room, receiving nods and cheers in return.

They made their way back to their room with Andrew pulling Neil along, which Neil thought was funny because of how much shorter Andrew was.

“I’m three inches shorter you asshole, get a goddamn filter.”

Getting Neil up into the loft would definitely be a bad idea tonight, so they stayed on the lower bunk. Andrew crawled in so that his back was towards the wall, then dragged Neil in next to him. Neil squirmed in close so that he could feel Andrew’s body heat, but didn’t touch him.

Finally, Andrew sighed and put his arms around him so that Neil’s head was pressed to Andrew’s chest. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

“Just this. You’re drunk. So don’t get any ideas.”

Neil hummed and nuzzled in further. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“I don’t want your dumb ass falling off the bed.”

“I know you’ll protect me.”

Andrew pressed a kiss to his hair. “Go to sleep, junkie.”

Neil slept soundly the whole night.


	16. Jerejean- Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy, Jean, and the rest of the Trojans have some summer fun.

In the midst of summer practices, it was decided that it was Too Damn Hot for reasonable people to be outside doing physical activity right now, so Jeremy bowed to the demands of his teammates before they staged a full on revolt. They decided to make their way to one of the campus pools to enjoy the afternoon as a team.

Jean was currently napping in one of the lounge chairs by the poolside, a book laying across his chest. Jeremy had been splashing around with Laila and Alvarez, but wanted to check on Jean and make sure he was enjoying the afternoon. It made him happy to see that Jean had adjusted to them well enough to feel comfortable sleeping around them and he didn’t want to take advantage of that, but the opportunity was too good. He slinked up to him, ready to move him towards the water, when he heard “I will knock you on your ass if you even try.”

Jeremy gaped at him. “You were asleep!”

“Unfortunately for you, you have the gait of an elephant.”

“You’re no fun.”

Jean flashed a short smile at him, before deadpanning, “I’m having a fantastic time.”

Jeremy grinned. “Really?”

“Yes. And I’m about to have a better time. Do you know why?”

Jeremy moved closer as Jean beckoned him. They were a breath away from kissing, when Jeremy felt his feet slip from under him and he landed in the pool.

When he emerged, he saw Jean smirking down at him. “You should pay more attention.”

Jeremy laughed and pulled himself out of the water. He shook his hair out like a dog and a few drops landed on Jean. He reached out to grab him with his wet hands and the sounds of Jean’s peals of laughter as he chased him around the pool were well worth getting thrown in.


	17. Jerejean- I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "Things you said with your lips pressed to my neck"

Jean sat on his bed, brow furrowed and lip bitten as he concentrated on finishing his history homework. He knew the answers he needed were in the reading, but finding them was a nuisance, one he certainly hated dealing with on a Saturday. However, it was his only day of rest and he wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible.

That plan seemed to be thwarted when he heard the door shut and turned at the soft touch of hands on his waist.

“Hey, stranger,” Jeremy said, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

Jean smiled softly, more a quirk of the lips than anything. “Hello yourself.”

His kisses creeped down to Jean’s jaw. “Why are you doing homework on a Saturday?”

Jean turned his head slightly, raising an eyebrow before saying, “Shouldn’t my captain be encouraging academic achievement?”

“As your captain, I’m proud,” Jeremy explained, continuing his trail of kisses down Jean’s neck to stop at his pulse point. “But as your boyfriend, I think that it wouldn’t kill you to relax and have fun every once in a while.”

Jean laughed softly before setting his book aside and moving closer to Jeremy. “And me having fun has no added benefit for you, of course.”

Jeremy flushed. “It’s not like that. I’d never...use you like that.”

Jean smiled and drew Jeremy in for a short kiss. “I know, mon coeur.” 

Jeremy grinned and Jean felt his impossible fondness for this strange man grow even more. Feeling for Jean often felt like his head was submerged underwater: overwhelming and too much for a man who knew what it felt like to drown. But staring at Jeremy’s smile was like being bathed in sunlight and warmth and letting himself be pulled in after so long in the dark was the best feeling Jean had known.

“I love you.”

Jeremy’s lips froze on Jean’s neck. Jeremy had said it before to Jean, and Jean had whispered it against his skin in French, but never in English. Jean could feel Jeremy’s lips curve into a smile against his neck before he said, “I love you too.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Jeremy pulled back and gently placed his hand on Jean’s cheek. Jeremy’s smile had dropped, and he looked angrier than Jean had seen him. Having that look directed on him by anyone else would make Jean flinch, but he knew that Jeremy had never been anything but gentle with Jean. That the sole reason for Jeremy’s anger was Jean’s wellbeing was humbling and cleared the self-doubt that afflicted Jean, if only for a moment.

“You deserve the world.”

Jean pulled back, and Jeremy let him, but it was only so Jean could lay back against the pillows and pull Jeremy with him. He traced the contours of Jean’s face and could only say “You are so beautiful.”

Jean hadn’t felt beautiful a day in his life and he wasn’t naive enough to think that one person was enough to make up for years of torment and abuse. The only person who could save him was himself, but having Jeremy there to steady him was invaluable. So he let himself relax into him and all he could whisper into Jeremy’s neck was “je’taime, je’taime, je’taime.”


	18. Andreil- Grief and Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "things you said while sobbing in my arms"- this is after Wymack dies and is based off of what Nora says happened in her extra content

Neil felt his lungs seize up in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. He supposed it was a form of karmic justice; despite growing up around death, he had lived nearly free of it for the past 30 years. It was only fitting that when faced with it again, the result would be catastrophic and leave him feeling like his chest was about to cave in.

They had known it was coming, at least. Kevin had called him three days ago to say that Coach Wymack’s cancer had taken a turn for the worst and if he wanted to say his goodbyes, he should call or come to the hospital soon. They had visited and Coach had still been Coach, gruff and unconcerned with with their pity. It had put Neil at ease to see him, but it hadn’t made getting the call any easier. Hearing how tired Kevin sounded made Neil’s stomach lurch and he was glad he had decided to sit down. He hung up and could feel Andrew’s heavy stare on him, but couldn’t make his head turn. Andrew had never been one for asking obvious questions, so he didn’t feel the need to clarify who had been on the phone. Andrew knew.

Finally, Neil got up and headed for the door to to their balcony, knowing by now instinctively that Andrew would follow. After 30 years together, their relationship had changed to a quiet thrum of connection. Physical contact would always be a point they had to consciously address, but their relationship had gotten easier in other ways. They moved around each other like satellites and instead of passion fueling them, it was comfort in having the other near.

Which was why as they sat on the roof with cigarettes in hand, Neil didn’t want or expect Andrew to say any words of comfort. He leaned against Andrew’s back, which was solid as ever, and took comfort from his weight as always. He reached up and felt the tears falling down his face, surprised, but letting it come out in soft sobs that hitched his breath.

After a few moments, Andrew said simply, “I’ve never seen you cry before.”

Neil wiped his face quickly. “He was the first person who let me be real. He gave me a chance to be more than nothing. I wouldn’t have anything- a family, a home, you- without him.”

Andrew held his hand out palm up in a silent invitation that still allowed Neil to refuse the contact if he wanted to. Neil took his hand and let them rest together on the ground. He knew how Andrew would look right now without turning- dying sun resting on his face, staring out at the sunset blankly, letting the light reflect off of the small streaks of gray in his blonde hair. Cataloging the image in his mind calmed Neil down and allowed him to breathe through his retreating sobs.

He heard Andrew speak up over his own breath filling his ears. “You are not nothing. You are Neil Josten. You are a fox. You are mine. Coach knew that. He believed that. And you know that.”

Neil let out a watery laugh and looked out at the sunset, squeezing Andrew’s hand. It still hurt, but for now he felt at peace.


	19. Allison- Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "Things I said when I was kissing you goodnight" for Allison and her children.

Allison ran her hand through her hair, pulling it up into a high ponytail. It had been a long day of phone calls and irritating clients, but in a minute she would put her kids to bed and be able to enjoy a few moments of relaxation. Seeing their faces instantly made her feel better, but she also craved a few minutes of silence at the end of the day. She headed up the stairs before looking into their room to see their sleepy faces.

She sat on the edge of the bed and said “Are you ready?”

Her youngest nodded and yawned, but still said, “Can you tell us a story first, Mama?”

“A story, huh?”

They nodded eagerly. She thought for a moment, before settling on a story she wanted to make sure they knew.

“Well, once there was a princess. She had everything she could ever want: jewels, dresses, princes. Her life was perfect. Except for one problem.”

“She was cursed?”

Allison smiled. “Not officially.”

“Then what?”

“She was locked in a tower. It was a very nice tower. There was no dragon guarding it. But the princess wanted to go outside. She wanted it more than anything. So one day the princess figured out how to escape from her tower. She climbed out the window and made her way to Fox Land.”

Her children’s eyes widened. “Was she scared?”

“She was. But she knew what was important to her. And in Fox Land, it was hard. No one cared that she was a princess. She was tired and had to work hard even though people made fun of her and her friends every day.”

“Eventually,” Allison continued, “Fox Land made room for a couple of angry dwarves and their elf friend. The ranks of Fox Land grew and grew and the princess didn’t know what to do with all these new faces.”

“Then, one year, when there grew to be 10 people in the kingdom of Fox Land, an evil troll invaded. The princess and her fairy friends were unsure how they would defeat such an evil, disgusting creature. Especially because their only hope was the angry dwarves and their family.”

Her children’s eyes widened. “What did they do?”

“Thankfully, a nymph showed up in Fox Land one day. He wasn’t very friendly, and no one knew where he came from or why he was so scared all the time. Except, one day when they came face to face with the evil troll, the nymph managed to fend him off.”

“As time passed, it became clear that the nymph was the only one who could bring together the dwarves and the princess’ friends. They worked together and after a long time, they managed to beat the troll at his own game. And the princess was happy because after a long time of feeling alone, she had a real family. One that would never lock her in a tower again.”

“Even the dwarves?”

“Even the dwarves.”

They yawned. “Goodnight, my angels,” she said, kissing their foreheads. She shut the lights off and headed downstairs, eager to call Dan and Matt to tell them how she’d gotten away with calling Andrew a dwarf and living to tell the tale.


	20. Aaron and Tilda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "Things you said that made me feel like shit"

Aaron had had a long week. 

Between a math test he probably failed, intercepting bottles from his mom at every turn and exy practice with only school lunch and the protein bars he’d hoarded in his room, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

So when the phone rang downstairs, he watched his mom to see her reaction. If it was good news, maybe the rest of his night would go easier. If she was happy, she’d only have wine instead of vodka and pills. And if she only had wine, maybe she’d splurge on something for dinner. His stomach gurgled as he contemplated the possibilities. 

When he saw her face drop, however, he knew it wouldn’t be that kind of night. Still, if he knew what was going on, he might be able to diffuse the situation. Knowing this, he ran upstairs to grab the phone so he could hear what was being said and know how to respond.

He was surprised to find out it was his Uncle Luther, who he hadn’t actually seen in months. Uncle Luther was saying, “He gets out of juvenile detention in a month. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Don’t you think you owe it to your own child to at least give him a place to live?”

His brother. The one who had effectively told him to fuck off and die. This was not what Aaron needed right now. Not at all.

“I gave him up for a reason. I don’t have to do anything.”

“What about Aaron? It might be good for him to have another person his age around.”

She snorted. “Aaron’s a lost cause. It doesn’t matter what happens. It doesn’t matter if the other one’s around either. They’re both Minyards. Their father was a piece of shit and so are they. Minyards don’t get above rock bottom.” 

Aaron hung up the phone with a quiet click so she wouldn’t know he had been listening and put it down. He curled up in his bed, unable to really know what to think. It wasn’t a surprise to him that his mom didn’t give a shit, but for her to put it so bluntly was the icing on the cake of a shitty week. He knew that his living with his mom had been random chance, but there were moments when he thought maybe they could be something resembling a family. His brother was a chance at that; maybe if she saw them together, she’d see what she gave up. When he first found out about Andrew, he thought maybe his mom was awful because she was sad about missing her baby. Now he was confronted with the fact that she truly, honestly did not give a shit. She was just a bitter person. 

That night he made a resolution to himself. He would stop caring. If he kept trying to please his mom, he would only be left with bitterness himself. So he would sit in his room with his apathy and let it get him through another day.

Until his brother came and everything went to hell.


	21. Andreil- After the Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt "Things you said when we knew it was over"

Neil pulled himself up to the loft, wrapped in Andrew’s hoodie and pulling it in towards his face. He felt raw and exposed and every breath was hard-won, and all he wanted was Andrew’s grounding hand on his neck and calm voice in his ear, but Andrew wasn’t here right now because Andrew had been laid raw in that courtroom, every memory and every hurt spread out for everyone to see and there was no way Neil could make it better. 

Andrew was currently out with Bee, dealing with the aftermath in the way only she and him could. Neil never asked him about what he and Bee talked about; Andrew deserved to have some things for himself. Especially after everyone, including Neil, know knew about every detail of the horrific abuse Andrew suffered. There was a small part of him that wondered if this was something they could come back from, whether it was Neil’s fault or not. He drew the hood in more and tried not to panic. Andrew would be back. He promised Neil, he promised-

The door creaked open and Neil turned his head up to see who was coming in. When he saw that it was Andrew, his heart thudded against his chest in relief and dread, but he kept still and kept his face neutral. He wanted to make sure he came across as non-threatening as possible. 

For once in his life, he was at a loss for what to say. He knew from experience that questions like “are you okay?” meant nothing and “I’m sorry” was nearly as worthless. But he needed Andrew to know that Neil was here for him the same way Andrew was there for Neil. He couldn’t do it with touch; there was no way Andrew would be okay with physical contact tonight. 

Neil watched as Andrew walked over to the lower bunk and plucked Neil’s hoodie off of the floor. Neil expected him to rebuke him for “leaving his shit all over the floor”, but instead Andrew just held it in his hands and sat quietly on the edge of the bed. Neil leaned over and attempted to channel what he could of Andrew’s demeanor and how he calmed Neil when he had panic attacks.

“You’re not there, Andrew. It’s over. Whatever you’re seeing…” Neil swallowed. “Just hold my hoodie. Keep it as long as you need to to remind you that they can’t touch you anymore.”

In the silence of the room, the click of Andrew’s jaw was audible as he worked over how to respond. Neil heard him inhale and imagined him breathing in gulps of Neil’s scent as Neil had done with Andrew’s hoodie. 

Satisfied with hearing Andrew’s breaths and knowing they were even, Neil rolled over and said, “When you’re ready, we’ll talk. But I’m not going anywhere. Nothing’s changed.”

Andrew let out a grunt, and Neil acknowledged that that was as much as Andrew was capable of right now, so Neil rolled over to go to sleep.

In the morning, Neil woke to the smell of coffee and climbed down to seek out the source. Andrew was leaning his back against the counter, a mug in his hands and Neil’s hoodie still on. Neil raised an eyebrow as Andrew pulled out another mug and filled it with coffee. Neil grabbed it carefully, making sure his fingers didn’t brush Andrew’s by mistake. He felt significantly better after a few sips and was comforted by the shared silence. After a bit, he was surprised to hear Andrew say the first words he’d uttered since the trial.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil said without hesitation.

Neil felt him reach over and lock just their pinkies together between them and knew that though it would be hard, they would be okay.


	22. Jerejean- panic attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy helps talk Jean down from a panic attack

The worst part was the fact that he knew it was coming and couldn’t stop it.

Jean had felt it building all day, a prickling under his skin. People always assumed that his panic attacks were a sudden drop to the ground, curled up to protect himself. And to be fair, that was usually how they ended. In reality though, those types of panic attacks usually only happened for him when he was suddenly overwhelmed or confronted with what his mind perceived as an immediate threat. What was far more likely to happen was that it would build over a series of days.

This time, it started with a bad check at practice on Tuesday, which led to a bad rest of the practice, which led to the voice inside his head that sounded unfairly like Riko building in his head, saying “not good enough”, “worthless”, “stupid”, on repeat. By Wednesday, he hadn’t slept and was irritable, and there were too many voices and bodies around him, making him feel claustrophobic and prone to lashing out. 

And now it was Thursday. He was sitting in his room with Jeremy and he knew he was talking, but it felt very far away. He could tell he was staring into space, but his limbs were so heavy and there was nothing he could do. He sees Jeremy’s expression turn concerned and before he can stop him, Jeremy’s hand is on his arm.

Jean’s skin is so sensitive in this state that he feels the touch through his whole body and he flinches violently back from it. He ends up curled in the corner of his bed, head in his lap. From his defensive position, he tries to think, tries to breathe, but it takes a few minutes to gulp down enough breath to come back. When he looks up, he sees Jeremy in front of him, looking scared and confused.

“I’m sorry,” Jean whispers hoarsely.

Jeremy’s face crumples. “No,” he breathes, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I just...tell me what I can do.”

Jean scowls. At least, he thinks he does. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“Please,” Jeremy pleads.

Jean sighs. “Just...sit with me.” Jeremy moves to get on the bed and Jean winces. “Not that close.”

Jeremy sits on the floor and lays his hand on the bed with his palm upturned. “So you can let me know when you’re ready.”

Jean nods. “Thank you.”

After a few minutes, Jean reaches out and puts his hand in Jeremy’s. He takes a deep breath. “I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.”

Jean glares at him. “Please. Says the man who’s practically perfect.”

Jeremy sits in thought for a second before saying, “I threw up on my teacher sophomore year.”

That draws a startled laugh out of Jean. “What?”

“Tests make me really nervous. And I had been studying and studying, but it wasn’t doing any good and the day the test came and I looked at it, but none of the letters made any sense and I...I couldn’t put down a single answer. The whole test went by and I didn’t put a single answer. The time ran out and I went to explain what happened to my teacher, but instead of words I just..” he gestured to finish that thought.

“That’s horrible,” Jean said.

“It was. But my point is: we all have our...things. Yours are more serious than most of us will ever have to deal with. But no one on this team is going to make you feel bad for reacting to it. Okay?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Okay.”

“...Can I sit on the bed instead of the floor now?”

Jean laughed and Jeremy will always swear that it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.


	23. Andreil- I love you

It had been a rough day.

Every day it grew closer and closer to the day of Andrew’s graduation and it was taking its toll on both of them. There was the push/pull of too much and not enough, with both of them withdrawing from each other and then pulling too close. It wasn’t healthy, but they both were stubborn and having trouble voicing how much they were dreading not having the other person there to ground them.

Eventually, the distance got to Neil outwardly first, and he lashed out at Andrew, trying to push at him for something, anything, a scrap of sensation to show that Andrew cared even a little bit about missing Neil. About how they were going to make this work when they were so far away from each other. Predictably, Andrew bit back, telling Neil that he had been honest since the beginning about what this was. Andrew was a lot of things, perceptive among them, but he wasn’t a mind reader and if Neil wanted more he should’ve said so.

“So this is still nothing?”

Andrew stared off at the sunset and flicked the end of his cigarette.

He casually observed Neil walking away. He wasn’t necessarily sorry for what he said; it was the truth, as far as he and Neil had discussed it. However there was a voice (an annoying, dangerous voice) which told him that it wasn’t a complete truth. That despite what he said, this was not nothing. Neil was not nothing. Their relationship would never be one of roses and Valentine’s Day and anniversaries, but it was so much more. It was stability, trust- home. And while Andrew had never felt anything even akin to butterflies in his life and still didn’t, he was coming around to the realization that the idea of losing Neil was something he didn’t know if he wanted to live through. He could; deep down, he knew that he could turn off every remaining reaction in his body and brain and power through a meaningless existence, but Neil was a piece of a very convoluted puzzle that when put together gave Andrew a life he didn’t completely hate.

That wasn’t to say that Neil was the only thing that gave Andrew’s life meaning; that wasn’t a healthy way to think and Andrew needed to save himself. That had always been the most important part of his recovery and he was working with Bee to build enough of himself to be able to move on. He went through the draft for teams alone. He had an apartment lined up for when he graduated and he had gone through a lot of appointments building coping skills for living alone after so many years with varying, but constant, company. Andrew, despite everything, was growing into a functioning adult. And that was enough for him to know that he didn’t need Neil in his life, but he wanted him. This was infinitely the more terrifying of the two.

Andrew stood, crushing the remains of his cigarette under his foot. He headed downstairs to find the door to his and Neil’s room locked. He could’ve taken his key out, but instead, he sat with his back to the door and said, “Locking the door when the person you’re trying to keep out has a key is not the best course of action.”

He heard Neil snort. “You won’t come in without asking.”

Andrew was silent at that, remembering a conversation long ago when Neil asked him how Andrew was okay with this.

“I love you,” he said.

A long silence stretched between them before Neil said, “Watch your head. I’m going to open the door.”

Andrew stood up, facing Neil’s surprised and tired face while Andrew’s remained solid.

“Did the door muffle my hearing or did you say I love you?”

Andrew nodded. “I’m not going to say it again. I just...thought you should know.”

The smile that lit up Neil’s face was heartbreaking. “I love you too.”

Andrew scowled, “This isn’t going to be a thing.”

Neil grinned again. “I know.”

“I just figured you need things spelled out for you.”

“Still.”

“Still.”

It wasn’t perfect, but it was exactly what they needed.


	24. Jerejean- proposal

Jeremy had been pacing the floor of his and Jean’s apartment for so long that he knew there would be divots when he finally sat down.

He couldn’t help it. He was more nervous than he had been in his entire life, which was saying a lot. More nervous than he was before getting accepted to USC, more nervous than he was moving away from home, more nervous than when he had to wait to see where he stood in the draft. 

In his head, his inner Jean called him a drama queen and earlier that day when he had called Alvarez for advice she had called him that outwardly. But he couldn’t help it.

Today, in approximately 3 minutes and 48 seconds, Jeremy Knox was going to ask Jean Moreau to marry him.

He was waiting for Jean to get home because he knew he wanted it to be private to avoid overwhelming Jean, but he also wanted to make sure that it was a moment when Jean was relaxed and not stressed or tired. So he had asked Laila to take him for coffee while Jeremy worked through his impending anxiety attack. She had told him he was overthinking and that there was no way Jean would say no, but Jeremy still worried.

He was in the midst of worrying when he heard the light pull of the door as it turned open. He was still standing in the middle of the room and was struggling to look casual when Jean strode in, coffee in hand, looking comfortable wrapped in a scarf with windblown hair and looking completely beautiful.

Before Jean could finish saying hello, Jeremy burst out, “We should get married.”

Jean froze with his hand on the door, a perplexed look on his face before saying softly, “What?”

Jeremy collapsed onto the couch. “That’s not...that wasn’t how I was supposed to say it. I had a plan, I swear, but then you were just there and I love you and it just...slipped out,” he finished lamely.

Jean set his coffee down and moved over to kneel in front of Jeremy by the couch. “You want to marry me?”

Jeremy nodded. “I really, really do.”

Jean smiled softly and moved up to cup Jeremy’s cheeks in his hands. “You silly, silly man.” He leaned forward to kiss him. 

Jeremy grinned. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes.”

Jeremy jumped up and pulled Jean with him. “I love you,” he said, kissing Jean’s cheeks, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jean was saying, but he was laughing and Jeremy didn’t care, he was so happy.

“I love you,” he said, grinning.

Jean kissed him again and said, “I love you too.”

“I love you more.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “You’re a child.”

“But you love me anyway.”

“I do. God help me I do.”

They sat there in love until the word should have ceased to mean anything, but somehow, it was perfect.


	25. Jerejean-Drunk

They didn’t drink very often.

Jean liked to stay in control most of the time and Jeremy had made enough mistakes in his earlier days of college to not really see the point of heavy drinking all that often. However, tonight was a special occasion and they had pulled out the wine for a fancy dinner. They had had enough glasses to feel warm and relaxed, but not enough to be completely gone.

Still, as they lay on their bed, loose limbed with Jeremy sprawled between Jean’s legs, it became evident that Jeremy was a very giggly drunk. 

“You’re pretty,” Jeremy said, poking Jean’s cheek.

“Hush,” Jean said, smiling. He could hold his alcohol much better than Jeremy, but he was still relaxed enough to smile and kiss Jeremy lightly on the side of the head.

Jeremy hummed and reached up to pat Jean’s face. He used Jean’s shoulders to leverage himself up enough to turn around. “I love you.”

Jean smirked lazily. “I love you too Jere.”

Jeremy shook his head vigorously. “No. I looooooooove you,” he said slowly, moving his hands so that they formed a heart.

Jean laughed again and put his arms around Jeremy’s back. “You should go to sleep.”

Jeremy settled in against Jean’s chest. “You’re warm.”

“Mm. So are you.”

“Were you always so warm?”

Jean hummed and ran his fingers through Jeremy’s hair. 

“No,” he said, “I was cold for a long time. A very long time.”

Jeremy frowned. “I’ll keep you warm. I’ll keep you warm forever.”

Jean smiled, “Of course, mon soleil.”

“That means my sunshine, right?”

“My sun. But close enough. It sounds better.”

Jeremy nodded, content. “You’re French, so you probably think the wine I bought is really shitty.”

Jean snorted. “Well, I’ve had better.”

“Fancy rich people wine.”

“This wine comes with much better company, though.”

“Mmm.” That seemed to appease Jeremy.

“Why do you like me?” Jeremy asked after a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re just so…” he gestured wildly, “different.”

“Are we?”

“Yeah. You’re so...cool. And I’m all over the place.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “Cool?”

Jeremy swatted lightly at him. “Leave me alone, I’m drunk.”

“I like you because you respect me even when you don’t understand what I’m saying. You remember what kind of apples I like. You make fun of my taste for ‘fancy rich people wine’.” He lightly kissed Jeremy on the top of the head.

“Someone said you’re only dating me because I’m the first person to be nice to you.”

Jean’s fingers froze where they were tapping a rhythm on his thigh. “They’re wrong.”

“Are they?”

Jean’s face tightened. “Yes. If that were the case, I would’ve dated you within two weeks of moving here. It took us almost a year to even go on a date. I know my own mind. I know my limits. And I know I love you. Other people’s opinions on the matter are irrelevant.”

Jeremy looked up at him in awe. “Your accent gets stronger when you’re mad.”

Jean laughed raucously. “Go to bed.”

“Mm,” he said, snuggling into Jean’s chest, “Love you.”

Jean played with Jeremy’s hair. “I love you too, mon avenir.”


	26. Twinyards- An Impasse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation where Aaron uses Neil against Andrew

Wednesdays were quickly growing into one of Andrew’s most hated days.

It was true that he hated every day, but until Aaron started sitting in on the appointments, Wednesdays were not the worst. Now he loathed them with an intensity that made everything worse. The only thing that made the entire endeavor slightly worthwhile was that he knew Aaron hated them just as much. 

They were currently sitting as far from each other as they could sit on one couch across from Bee. Thankfully they were both small enough that they could get a fair bit of distance between them. Bee sat in her chair with a relaxed posture and a smile that Andrew still couldn’t fathom after all this time. He didn’t judge her for it; he just couldn’t understand how she could be happy dealing with their shit all day long. He imagined her job was a lot like working at an office for cancelled flights, where it was nearly impossible to have a good day. She seemed to take it all in stride though.

“So how was your weekend? I heard you all went away to Allison’s cabin?”

Aaron snorted, a mean noise, and Andrew was intrigued to hear him react, when usually getting him to speak to Bee was like pulling teeth.

“It was eventful,” Andrew answered simply.

“Eventful good or eventful bad?”

Andrew should have known something was wrong when Aaron smirked and looked poised to speak.

“I had a great time.”

“Why is that, Aaron?”

“Because Andrew just let me out of our deal.”

If Andrew was less in control of himself, his head would have whipped around. Instead, he clenched his fists and turned slowly, saying, “We apparently had very different weekends. Perhaps Bee can refer you to someone for delusions?”

“I’m not delusional. Our deal was that we stick together until graduation without any relationships. But now you’re with Neil, which puts you just as much in violation of our agreement as me. Therefore, we can just call it a wash and move on, as far as I see it.”

Andrew felt ice run down his back. “I’m not with Neil.”

“No? He seems to think you are. At least, I assume so. He punched me when I asked.”

“You fucking…”

“What? Do you want me to apologize? Because I’m not sorry. I found an out and I took it. That’s not on me.”

Bee finally piped in. “Slow down. Can you explain what’s going on, Andrew?”

“Nothing’s going on. Aaron thinks he’s clever. He’s not.”

“Oh, I’m not?” Aaron scoffed. “So there’s nothing going on between you and Neil? At all?”

“Nope.”

“You’re a fucking liar.”

“Andrew?” Bee asked quietly.

It was there Andrew knew he was fucked. He couldn’t lie to Bee, not when she’d done so much, not when she’d been the only person to remotely care about him in so long.

He was silent a long time before he finally said, “I hope you and Katelyn are miserable for the rest of your pathetic lives.”

Aaron looked up in shock. “What?”

“Do not make me repeat myself.”

“You’re...you’re letting me go? For him?”

Andrew was practically shaking. “We’re done.”

Aaron scoffed. “I hope you two are miserable too.”

In that moment Bee understood their dynamic better than she ever had. The slate had been washed clean. Their relationship since meeting, and maybe even before, had been based on a score, on righting wrongs. But now they had both killed for the other, both given up just as much for the other one. That last exchange showed that there were no apologies, no words that could fix them. What finally fixed them was the settling of the score. Now, they could reset to zero and go from there.


	27. Andrew and Bee- The Neil Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Bee's conversation addressing his hatred of Neil

Bee didn’t push. She knew from all of her years working that information was only worth anything if it was given voluntarily, instead of forced out. This was a credo she took seriously with all of the Foxes.

This credo certainly made meeting with Andrew interesting, though. Still, if Bee wasn’t patient, she wouldn’t have chosen this career path for herself. He’d open up to her when he was ready; he always did.

Still, it was a bit of shock when partway through the appointment Andrew said, uncharacteristically softly, “I hate him.”

“Neil?” she asked.

He said nothing, but the way his jaw worked as he looked off to the side of the room with a bored expression told her she was right.

“Why do you hate him?”

Andrew’s face changed from blank to annoyed and Bee knew she was making progress. 

“He’s an idiot. He can’t leave well enough alone. He sticks his hand where it doesn’t belong and then is surprised when he gets burned.” He paused to consider for a moment. “No. That’s wrong. He goes where he doesn’t belong, gets burned, and then looks like he deserved it.”

“So you’re upset that he won’t let you protect him?”

Andrew scoffed. “No. That bridge has been burned.”

“But he says and does things you think he shouldn’t.”

“Everyone else knows the rules. They’re very easy to learn. But he is, as I said, an idiot.”

Bee paused to think a moment. “What are you worried will happen if he doesn’t follow the rules?”

Looking every bit like the answer was being ripped screaming from him, he finally settled on saying, “It’ll happen again. And I won’t be able to stop it this time.”

Bee closed her book. “The way I see it, one of two things will happen. First, you’re right. It will happen again. You won’t be able to keep him. But you’re not the same person you were then. Right?”

Instead of answering her, he simply said, “And option two?”

“It won’t happen again. He’ll stay. And you’ll be okay then too.”

“Such an optimism,” he answered.

“Is it optimism?”

At his silence she gestured over to her figurines, “We both know that self-imposed rules are there for a reason. The goal isn’t to get rid of all of the rules. But what did I tell you when we first started talking about rules?”

“Rules aren’t always broken if they bend.”

She nodded and reached over to her shelf. She moved one of her figurines out of its place, leaving a disconcerting gap. She placed it on the table, then moved to rearrange the remaining pieces around it. 

“I moved one thing out of place, but then all I had to do to get structure back was shift things a little. And it was uncomfortable for a minute. It’s still not quite right. But it’s okay. I’m breathing. And it was worth it.” She moved the figurine towards him.

“A rabbit,” he said.

“So?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

He said nothing but placed the rabbit in his pocket.


	28. Jerejean-surfing

After all that he’s been through, Jean finds it supremely unfair that today is definitely the day he is going to die.

The beach and water is something that Jean has been touchy about for a while, for obvious reasons, but it is basically impossible to live in Southern California and not go to the beach. Jean has found that this is especially impossible when you live with a team of college students.

The first few trips, Jean has simply sat on the outside of the group and watched. He sunbathes with Laila a lot, with her never judging him for keeping his shirt on, and shaking their heads at Alvarez and Jeremy splashing each other in the water. 

Jeremy always asks him if he wants to join, and he never pushes, but he can tell that Jeremy is getting more and more sad at the prospect of Jean always sitting on the outskirts. 

So one day, as he’s watching Jeremy paddling out on a surfboard, he gathers up his courage and motions for Jeremy to come out of the water to talk to him.

“What’s up?” Jeremy says, shaking his hair out like a puppy.

“I want you to teach me to surf.”

Jeremy raises his eyebrows. “You’ve never even been in the water any of the times we’ve come here and now you want to jump right to surfing?”

Jean straightens up, determined. “Can you teach me or no?”

Jeremy laughs and runs his hand through his wet hair. “Come on.”

They spend the rest of that day with Jeremy teaching him how to stand up properly on dry land. Jean especially likes when Jeremy shows him by putting hands on his waist and moving him, but he’d never admit that.

The next time they go to the beach, it’s just Jeremy and Jean, and they’ve gotten Jean all the equipment he needs to actually surf. 

They get to the edge and are ready to paddle out when Jean freezes.

And it’s just so unfair, because the beach was one of his favorite places, but now all he can remember watching the waves crash is Riko dripping water on his face and himself gasping for air and begging between floods for mercy, help, anything.

Jeremy’s hand is grounding on his shoulder and he breathes through it, trying to calm the overwhelming panic flowing through him.

When he’s calmed down a bit, Jeremy asks, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Jean nods, and gets into the position they’d practiced to paddle out.

Jeremy sighs, but gets in position as well and leads off with Jean close behind him.

They see a wave and Jeremy motions at him to stand with him. All is going pretty well, when Jean stands and readies himself for the wave, before his foot slips out from under him.

Jeremy immediately is worried and looks around for Jean, expecting to see him flailing, but when he sees Jean’s head finally bob above the water he’s...laughing.

Jeremy paddles over to him and asks if he’s okay, and Jean nods, unable to speak he’s laughing so hard.

“Did you swallow some sea water?”

“No,” Jean shakes his head. “I’m okay.”

Jeremy smiles as he reads into the significance of that moment and pulls Jean in for a sea-flavored kiss and thinks about how much he loves this man.


	29. Andrew and Abby

He tried to ignore it for as long as he could. 

It wasn’t even that he hated Abby; if anything what he felt for her was mild indifference. It was just that doctor’s visits were highly unpleasant, with too much touching and the inability to fight back. It was memories of being strapped down and drugged and no control. So when it came time for the annual checkup, he was no more ready for it in his third year than he was his first year. At least by now, Abby knew what to expect and had some kind of rhythm she followed with Andrew’s appointments.

He walked in and sat on the table, his shoulders rigid and maintaining as much control as he could until the last possible second. Abby walked in and got her materials ready. She walked him through the appointment, making sure he knew exactly what she was going to do and when she was going to do it. The beginning part went relatively fine, with only the stethoscope touching him instead of her hands. Once that was done, she motioned for him to lay back so she could make sure everything was in its proper place.

She moved toward him, but she could tell he was shaking, teeth clenched as he braced himself for the unwanted touch. After a moment, she said, “Andrew?”

“What?” he gritted out. “Just get it over with before I get it over with myself.”

She took the threat in stride, instead saying, “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

He shot up. It was rare to catch Andrew off guard, but she managed it. “What?”

“I don’t want to suffer through this any more than you do for the next few years, so how about I just walk you through how to examine yourself?”

He paused before nodding and gesturing for her to continue. She showed him how to feel around his abdomen to ensure that there were no abnormalities, explaining the terminology and what to look for. Andrew was a quick learner and because of his memory, she knew he would remember the steps in years to come. By the end of the appointment, Andrew’s coloring had returned to normal and his breathing had steadied. 

Abby gestured to his armbands. “You know the drill. Trackmark check.”

As he carefully undid them and set them aside, baring them for her to inspect, she thought it seemed like this whole enterprise went much easier than it usually did. She never expected a thank you from Andrew, but if his show of gratitude was being cooperative, she never needed one. She loved all of her Foxes, even when they couldn’t love her back. This small show of trust was enough.


	30. Jerejean- Apart

It’s the first night after jeremy’s graduation that he actually stays in his apartment without Jean there. 

He has practice in the morning and Jean had to move back into the dorms because of the start of summer practices, so they have to start spending nights apart. Jean had reassured him about a thousand times that he was fine, that he wouldn’t be alone; he had the team. 

As Jeremy looked around his empty apartment for the first time, though, he realizes that he was so worried about making sure Jean adjusted that he didn’t realize how much he’d feel the weight of that loneliness hit him. Between his big family and five years of living in a dorm, Jeremy couldn’t remember the last time he had been truly on his own. 

Suddenly everything reminded him of Jean. He ended up sitting on the floor because the couch reminded him of movie night with Jean’s feet in his lap and popcorn thrown across to see if they could catch it in their mouths. When he goes to make dinner, all the kitchen makes him think of is sleepy morning kisses while making pancakes and Jean laughing at the flour on his face when got too into making cookies. He ends up eating cereal, on the floor, while watching ESPN, because it’s the only thing on that doesn’t remind him of the summer. He knows what a pathetic picture he makes and he can hear Alvarez’s voice in his head telling him to get a grip, before telling him to just swallow his pride and call Jean.

He can’t though. He needs to acclimate to being an independent adult and he’s sure Jean is busy getting ready for tomorrow. The first night will be the hardest and then he’ll get used to it and it’ll be fine.

At least that’s what he tells himself until he tries to sleep.

There’s a multitude of factors leading to his lack of sleep. First, he usually sleeps in Jean’s hoodie, but that can only help so much. He tries hugging his pillow, but that’s not the same as Jean’s solid form against him either. It’s too cold, too empty. Finally, after about half an hour of tossing and turning, he gives and grabs his phone off the desk and dials Jean’s number. 

His heart skips a beat when he hears Jean’s sleepy voice, indicated by the much thicker than usual accent, a lazy drag over his vowels.

“Hi,” Jeremy answers, trying to sound casual like he didn’t just wake his boyfriend up at one in the morning because he was lonely.

“You know what time it is, right Jere?” There’s a pause before Jean says suspiciously, “Nothing’s on fire, right?”

Jeremy chuckles lightly before saying, “Actually...I just missed you.”

He’s embarrassed for a second before he hears Jean’s soft, “Mon coeur…” through the phone.

“I know, I’m pathetic. Just yell at me to go to sleep.”

Jeremy was left feeling oddly vulnerable. This was the moment in previous relationships where the person he was with realized that he was too clingy and told him off. 

Instead, though, Jean says, “I couldn’t sleep either.”

For whatever reason, that makes Jeremy laugh. Through his giggles, he hears Jean say “What?”, a smile clear in his voice.

“I’m just thinking of what you would have said if you had seen me earlier.”

He explains his sad night and Jean calls him ridiculous before mumbling through the phone that he may be wearing Jeremy’s old jersey right now. Jeremy makes a triumphant noise that eventually tapers off into more giggles.

“You need to sleep, love.”

“I know,” Jeremy says. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

“Hush. I don’t get to speak that way about myself and neither do you.”

“You’re right. This is why I love you.”

“I love you too. Now sleep. You have practice.”

“Goodnight darling.”

“Goodnight Jere.”

He hears the line click, but he sleeps soundly the rest of the night.


	31. Andrew and Wymack

In so many ways, Neil Josten joining the Foxes was a primary influence on David Wymack’s blood pressure mysteriously spiking. His joining had many benefits, though, starting with their season all the way to the easy camaraderie the Foxes had. Some of the Freshmen were still little shits and Andrew still specialized in Selective Participation, but overall the dynamic was better.

One of the unexpected benefits, though, was a significant decrease in apartment break-ins. With Neil keeping Andrew occupied by running his mouth and attracting murderers, he had a lot less time to spend irritating Wymack. Therefore, for the past three years, he’s enjoyed the blissful privacy of his own home, minus the occasional team dinner or awkward visit from Kevin (which have weirdly become less awkward now that Kevin’s gone pro). 

Which is why it’s so strange when one night near the end of the cousin’s last year, he hears a bump from the area of his kitchen. He grabs the closest heavy object and heads toward the source of the noise. He’s just about to come at the intruder when he flicks on the light to see Andrew sitting on his counter, waiting for the coffee from his coffee pot to finish brewing.

Wymack leans heavily against the doorframe. “Goddamn it, Minyard.”

Andrew doesn’t look concerned as he flicks his eyes up and says, “I can’t believe you still only buy the shitty coffee, Coach.”

“When you’re the one paying for it, then you can bitch.”

They sit in relative silence until the coffee’s done, then Andrew pours a cup for himself and one he hands to Wymack.

After a few sips, he says, “I picked a team for next year.” 

Wymack raises an eyebrow. “Which one?”

“Chicago. I’m going to call tomorrow and schedule signing the death warrant.”

Wymack grunts out a laugh. “How does Neil feel about it?”

Andrew huffs. “Stupid junkie’s ecstatic. He’s already planning how to get custom merch out of it. I told him to keep it out of my sight.”

“And how do you feel about it?”

Andrew pauses for a moment, before pursing his lips. “I’m not...unhappy.”

Wymack smirks. “You’re lucky Kevin isn’t here. He probably would have pissed himself hearing you say that.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Wymack waves the thought away. “It’s your news, not mine.”

Andrew nods and they finish their coffees in silence. While Andrew’s rinsing his cup, Wymack says, “They’re lucky to have you.”

Andrew snorts. “I’m sure they’ll regret it after about a week of practices. That’s the goal anyway.”

Wymack lets it drop, but before Andrew leaves, he says, “I’m proud of you.”

Andrew doesn’t respond, but the next week Wymack comes home to find a bag of expensive coffee on his kitchen table with a note that says, “I’m paying for it, so I can bitch. Your coffee sucks.”

It’s crazy, but he’s gonna miss that kid.


	32. Jerejean- Bad Day

Jeremy was having a bad day.

He tried to keep his stress and displeasure inside, something his therapist and Alvarez and now Jean all told him was unhealthy, but the impulse was so ingrained in him that it was hard to snap out of. It was who he was; he worried about things so others didn’t have to. He was an effective captain because no one saw the lengths it took to get his teams in the shape they were in. It looked effortless because Jeremy worked his ass off.

So when an article comes out in a prominent Exy magazine that asks if Jeremy’s methods are working after his team has a rocky start during his first season as a pro captain, he’s angry and hurt and frustrated and he has to fight against the feeling that he’s so goddamn worthless. He flings the magazine across the room and mutters, “Great. Nice. Perfect. Fuck this.”

He’s sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, trying to breathe when Jean walks in. He furrows his brow, but seems to put the pieces together when he sees Jeremy’s position and the magazine on the floor. He places the bags he was carrying on the table and moves over to the couch.

Jeremy hates feeling like this; he’s 27, he shouldn’t be taking this like he would have when he was in college. He knows he needs to keep it together and be strong, but the second he feels Jean’s arms around him, it bubbles up in his throat and he lets out a sob into Jean’s chest.

Immediately, Jean’s pulling him in and rubbing his back, whispering nonsense in a mix of French and English, until Jeremy gets it all out. He lets Jean hold him up, knowing he’s been through worse and not broken, and that Jean isn’t going to judge him for breaking down. 

Jean’s arms are the safest place in the world to him and he feels himself calming down. He pulls away and starts to apologize, but Jean just holds his head steady and wipes the tears away from under his eyes. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, mon soleil,” he says, kissing his forehead.

“Did you read it?” Jeremy gestures over to the magazine.

Jean makes a dismissive noise. “I read it. I got the overview in an angry text from Kevin.”

Jeremy laughs at that. “What did he say?”

“He said that it’s true that there are aspects of your method that could be improved, but the season is still young and the fault doesn’t all fall on you. The team has to cooperate and any reporter worth his standing would know that.”

Jeremy nods. “I’m used to bad press. This just-”

“It was a personal attack,” Jean finishes for him.

“Right. And I should be used to that, too, it just hit me wrong today.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to them. Let your playing speak for you.”

Jeremy nods and relaxes against Jean. “Thank you for talking me down.”

Jean shrugs. “It’s what we do.”

And it was true. They worked because they were there for each other and held each other up seamlessly, a lovely balancing act.


	33. Jerejean- A Fall

It was Jean’s second semester with the Trojans and it was going significantly better than the first.

While last semester he swung between antagonizing everyone and flinching when anyone came near him, now he was still quiet unless Exy was involved, but Jeremy was starting to see that it was just part of his personality instead of solely trauma. He was a solid presence at Jeremy’s side, and Jeremy had learned to crave the small smiles he gave occasionally.

So it was unfortunate when one day he looked across the room to where Laila and Jean were discussing their winter breaks, only to be spotted by Alvarez.

“Dude, you’ve got it so bad,” she said, slinging an arm around his shoulders. 

Jeremy rubs at the back and stammers, “What? No! No, I just am glad he looks happy. And adjusted.”

She raises an eyebrow at him. “You texted me every day of Christmas break about what you two were doing, until he went to visit Renee and all you could talk about was whining about how boring break was without him.”

Jeremy’s silence let her know she had won.

She laughed and leaned in close to whisper, “Laila says if you asked he’d say yes.”

Jeremy goes a little pink and shoves her away, which makes her laugh even harder. 

He’s so engrossed that he doesn’t notice Jean staring at them from across the room.

\--

It takes Jeremy about a week to build up the courage to say he’ll ask Jean out on a date. With Alvarez’s wheedling and Laila’s insights into what Jean’s comfortable with, he decides on coffee, because it’s lowkey and a good mix of public and private.

He spots Jean on a bench outside the library, where Laila said he’d be, probably sketching something. He waves to get his attention and Jean smiles his soft, pretty smile and waves back.

Jeremy starts to head over and he thinks to himself that things are going great until he’s on the ground, knees complaining about the landing and hands scraped against the pavement.

He looks up to see Jean smirking down at him before he says, “Real smooth, Jere. Tripping over air?”

Jeremy groans and pushes his face into the pavement before saying, “I’m just going to lay here and wait for a mudslide, okay?”

Jean laughs before extending his hand to help him out. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

Jeremy brushes himself off before Jean says, “So Laila said you wanted to ask me something?”

“Uh...yeah. Though I don’t know what you’ll say now that you’ve literally seen me eat cement.”

Jean doesn’t respond, just waits patiently for Jeremy to speak. 

“Um...do you want to get coffee sometime next week?”

Jean looks a little deflated. “Oh...coffee...that sounds good.”

Jeremy smiles, even though inside he is really, really wishing for that fortuitous mudslide. “It’s cool if you don’t want to. I just wanted to ask. I understand that dating would probably be weird and we’re just so different…”

“Wait. Coffee’s a date?”

“Um...sometimes. So you do want to go out with me?”

“Yes. I just…” Jean looks away. “I’ve never been on a date before so I didn’t know what qualified.”

“Well, this coffee would be a date.”

“I’d like that,” Jean says softly.

Later, when they’re recalling this memory, Jeremy just laughs and says, “I can’t help it, I guess I FELL for you.” Jean has to refrain from pushing him off his chair.


	34. Andreil- Soulmate

As beautiful and profound as the concept sounded on paper, having someone else’s thoughts in your head constantly could be really fucking annoying.

The thoughts increased with proximity, so if you hadn’t met your soulmate yet and weren’t near them, you only heard their thoughts if they were in distress or feeling strongly about something. Therefore, because of the lives they’d led, Andrew and Neil had heard each other a lot. Once they’d met, most soulmates learned to tune each other out, unless they wanted to hear what the other was thinking or it was a moment of particularly strong emotion.

They were nearing Eden’s and Neil felt good. Andrew was driving and Neil’s hand was in his loosely between them. Nicky would have been screaming, but he had already been threatened with a knife for complimenting Neil’s jeans. Andrew had picked out for him a pair of black skinny jeans, that apparently hugged him in all the right places, according to Nicky pre-stabbing. Neil didn’t really notice anything about them other than how uncomfortably tight they were, but he liked the way andrew’s eyes had looked him over before they left, so he didn’t complain.

Once they found a place to park, they headed in with Andrew at the back, looking over everything (as much as he could with his height). As they were nearing the door, Neil heard very sharply from Andrew’s mind, “Fucking asshole.”

He turned, alarmed, and tried to find someone being obnoxious, but nothing stood out. Neil shrugged and turned back to face front. It came again, “He probably doesn’t even know. I hate him. People are going to stare at him all night and he won’t even realize.”

Neil is still a little confused as they make their way to the table, but he’s starting to understand that Andrew’s angry at him. He shrugged it off. It wasn’t Neil’s fault if people stared at him. As Neil leaned over to get his drink, he heard “FUCK. What the fuck.”

Neil leaned back to take in Andrew’s clenched fists and smirked before leaning in to whisper, “Is that really what you think of my ass?”

Andrew pushed his face away with two fingers and said, “You’re making me sick. Go play with the other children.”

Neil grinned and downed his shot, making his way to where Aaron and Nicky were. Feeling antagonistic, he winked at Andrew before beginning to swing his hips with the beat of the song. Andrew purposefully turned away and Neil laughed because he knew he’d won. 

As he headed back to the table, he grinned and asked, “So what’d you think?”

Andrew finished his drink and said, “I think you have a death wish.”

Neil leaned in, a breath away from his lips and said, “I think you’re a liar. Yes or no?”

Neil heard the “yes” clear as a bell in his mind as Andrew grabbed hold of the back of his neck and dragged him in for a deep kiss. Neil sent through his thoughts the idea of him wearing skinny jeans all the time from now on.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Andrew sent back, and Neil laughed as he was dragged to the back room.


	35. Jerejean- Soulmate

He doesn’t want to believe it, but Jean has a sinking suspicion that Jeremy Knox is his soulmate.

It’s hard to tell sometimes, now that he’s in closer proximity with a large amount of people that are unfamiliar to him, when up until now he’d been with the same people since he was ten, but considering the fact that the main strong emotion he’s ever gotten from his soulmate is joy, it’s a pretty safe bet. 

In The Nest, he’d get flashes of excitement, mostly, that he had to hide in case Riko caught on. There were a few flashes of pain, of course, but it was hard to tell with that what was his own pain and what came from someone else.

The only time his soulmate had ever sent anything through the bond was after he’d broken his left ring finger at Riko’s command. He was attempting to wrap something around it to keep it from moving when he heard, “Are you hurting yourself?”

He was so startled that he dropped what he was working with, cursing at the pain. “It’s none of your business,” he sent back.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

The connection was silent after that.

The other thing that tipped him off was the mysterious fact that he always had clearer feelings when the Ravens played the Trojans, but he had always attributed that to the large audience size and pushed it aside. 

Now that he was in California, though, he wasn’t getting brief glimpses, but rather full thoughts. Jean had learned to mostly block them out, but occasionally he heard his name. 

The thought that finally tipped him off to his unfortunate dilemma was, “I hope Jean’s not mad at me for waking him up…”, which would only make sense from Jeremy because he was the only one stupid enough to come near Jean when he was sleeping.

So basically Jean was fucked.

He was good at guarding his thoughts, but he could only keep it up for so long, especially now that he knew. 

Still, he does a pretty good job of hiding it until one day as they’re leaving for a game, Jeremy comes up to him all smiles and says, “Ready to show ‘em the what for?”

Jean raises an eyebrow and questions Jeremy’s sanity for what seems like the millionth time, when he hears clearly, “Fuck. That probably sounded better in my head.”

Without thinking, Jean responds, “Yes, that sounded much better in your head.”

He clamps his mouth shut as Jeremy’s eyes widen before he says, “Wait. You’re...you heard that?”

“I’m nothing. Leave it.”

Jean moves to walk away, until his path is blocked by a determined looking Jeremy. “No. This isn’t a decision you get to make alone. If after we’ve talked you’re still not comfortable, I’ll leave you alone. But please just listen. Don’t shut me out again.”

Jean pauses. “On the bus. After the game.”

Jeremy looks like he’s going to say something, but closes his mouth at the last second and nods.

\--

After the game, Jean is tired and sore and honestly just wants to sleep. He had forgotten all about the promised conversation, but Jeremy, who looked like he had had about 5 cups of coffee, clearly had not. He says goodbye to Alvarez and Laila before motioning for Jean to follow him to the back of the bus.

They sit down and Jeremy awkwardly begins the conversation by saying, “So…”

Jean bites back a sigh and says, “I know I’m not what you want and no one deserves to be saddled with this, so let’s just skip the part where you act like a martyr and stop playing this silly game.”

Jeremy plays with the hem of his sweatshirt. “Is that what you really want?”

Jean leans his head back against the back of the seat. “You’re all children. It doesn’t matter what I want. Wanting anything is irrelevant.”

Jeremy sighs and turns toward him and says, “You’re not there anymore. Here, with us, with me, what you want matters. No one is going to swoop in and decide you’ve used up your happiness quota and take it away from you. So, if you’re avoiding this because you genuinely don’t want to be with me, I get it, but don’t stop this before you’ve given it a chance just because you don’t think you deserve it.”

Jean pauses for a moment before saying, “Don’t use my thoughts against me.”

Jeremy shrugs and says, “You were practically shouting.”

Jean grunts. After a moment of silence, Jeremy says, “So…”

“So?”

“What do you think?”

“I think if you start singing some kind of Disney song, we’re going to have a problem.”

Jeremy grins and burrows down into the seat to sleep the rest of the ride home. “I would sing in my head, but you’d hear me.”

Jean rolls his eyes and pushes him away. He watches as Jeremy falls asleep and looks in for pleasant dreams, hoping that this time, the flash of joy will stay.


	36. Andreil- Soulmate 2

Objectively, this was Matt’s fault. 

Neil and him had hung out all Saturday and on some whim, Matt had played the song, “Ice Ice Baby” on repeat for about an hour before Neil snapped and wrestled the player out of his grasp. (Matt may have been over a foot taller than Neil, but Neil was both determined and agile and eventually propelled himself up enough to grab the offensive device). 

Unfortunately, a day later, the song still wouldn’t leave his head. Since it was their day off, he was driving around with Andrew, no particular destination in mind. Neil leaned his head against the window, trying to force the song out of his head. 

As the trip wore on, Neil noticed Andrew subtly turning the radio up louder and louder. Neil sent him a quizzical look, but Andrew ignored him. Finally, when it was loud enough that it was starting to hurt, Neil ignored Andrew’s hand whacking at his and turned it down.

“Why the loud music?” he asked.

He could’ve peered into Andrew’s head, but he didn’t like to do that without asking and even then only in important situations. 

He waits out Andrew’s answer, which eventually turns out to be, “You’ve had that song stuck in your head for days and it’s driving me nuts too.”

Hearing those words said in Andrew’s characteristic monotone was too much for Neil and he let out a laugh. Andrew rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the road, but he kept the radio at the lower volume.

Neil eventually drifted off to sleep, as he usually did when Andrew drove. He woke up slowly to the slight jolt of Andrew putting the car in park. The sun was still high in the sky and waking up sun-warm made him feel a bit like a cat.

“You are a stray cat,” Andrew said, acknowledging his thoughts, “Always begging for scraps.”

Neil hummed out a laugh. “You’re the one who lets me keep coming back.”

“For now.”

“Liar,” Neil said, leaning over to kiss him. He waits for Andrew to close the final gap, and when he does Neil smiles a little into the kiss. He’s warm and he’s with Andrew, and he’s happy.

Andrew pulls away. He calls him a sap in response to Neil’s thoughts, but Neil just grins and says, “You weren’t being quiet with your thoughts either.”

Andrew doesn’t respond, but Neil hears him clearly: “I don’t hate it here.”

Neil doesn’t respond to the words, but rather to the feeling of peace he registers from Andrew. Andrew feels safe here with him. It’s enough to make Neil’s heart jump and he sees Andrew’s body relax minutely as he stares at Neil, probably because he felt his joy.

They don’t talk for the rest of the time there, just sit and enjoy the peaceful silence. They’re both feeling more relaxed in the car on the way home, with the cursed song finally out of their minds.


	37. Andrew and Wymack- Robin

It was nearing the end of the season and Coach Wymack’s paperwork stack was at an alltime high. He was attempting to make the final cuts of who to personally visit for recruiting for next season. Most of the choices were either Kevin’s, who was nervous about the state of the team after his pending graduation, or Neil’s, as captain.

They were only losing Matt and Kevin, which definitely meant a new backliner and striker, but he also had to look to the year after when the cousins would graduate. This meant searching for a new goalie and basically an entirely new defense line. He was just settling in for a long night of staring at the same faces when he heard footsteps stop in front of his desk.

He barely had enough time to look up when a folder was dropped heavily on top of the stack he was working on. The culprit was Andrew Minyard, who for once was staring down at him with his arms crossed and a bored expression on his face.

“You’ll pick her.”

Wymack leaned back in his chair. “I already have to choose between three equally qualified goalies and you want me to add another to the mix this late?”

“No. I’m making your decision easier. You are going to take her.”

He peered at Andrew curiously. “Why?”

“Have I ever been wrong about a player?” he evaded.

“I seem to recall you telling me Neil was a pathological liar and more trouble than he was worth.”

Andrew answered, “And was I wrong?”, but Wymack could see the small glint of fondness in his eyes, as much as anything readable appeared on Andrew’s face.

He looked down at the sheet in his hands. ‘Robin Cross’, it read. She was small for a goalie, but Wymack had long ago learned not to judge in that regard. Her stats weren’t great, but Neil’s hadn’t been either at this point and now he was one of the best strikers in college Exy.

He considered her picture for another moment before Andrew apparently tired of being ignored and said, “If you want me to train someone, she’s the only one I’ll help. Anyone else is a waste of my time.”

Wymack snorted. “Can I trust you not to break her?”

“That’s not fair, Coach. I’ve never broken anyone,” he said cooly, flicking through the papers on Wymack’s desk.

Wymack made a noncommittal noise. “That’s not as comforting as you think it is.”

“When have I ever said anything to be comforting?”

When Wymack gave no response, Andrew took it as a confirmation that their conversation was over and Coach would be paying Robin a visit because he headed for the door.

Before he could leave, Wymack called after him, “Why is this so important to you?”

Andrew stared at him for a moment before saying, “You’ll see.”


	38. Andrew and Kevin- Raven Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for iMockusAll, who left me this prompt in the comments. I hope this is what you were looking for! Medicated!Andrew is hard to write lol but I tried.

The thing about it is, Andrew doesn’t care about Kevin’s Raven neuroses. He knew what he signed up for when he agreed to protect Kevin. So it doesn’t really annoy him. He does see it, however, as a problem that needs to be dealt with. And Andrew deals with problems via the most direct route possible, always. 

The problem is Kevin barely realizes what he’s doing. It’s pretty innocuous at first, since they’re at practice or in a dorm room with other people most of the time. Kevin’s fine with that. It’s when classes start after winter break that it really becomes an issue.

The Monsters walk to class together, but gradually Aaron and Nicky turn to go to separate buildings for their classes and at last Andrew needs to turn to go to his class, but he sees Kevin just standing there, frozen. Like his brain has turned off.

Andrew sighs and walks with him to his class, but spends the rest of his walk thinking of how to solve this problem.

So one night, they’re at Sweetie’s and Nicky and Aaron are gone, probably either scouting for crackers or talking to one of Nicky’s friends from when he was a server. When Andrew gets up too, Kevin looks like he’s about to follow, but stops when Andrew says, “Stay.”

Kevin argues, saying, “You know I can’t-”

“If you follow me, we will leave you here and you’ll have to figure out how to either get to Eden’s or Fox Tower. Alone.”

Kevin’s mouth snaps shut, but he’s trembling and Andrew knows a panic attack when he sees one. He leans in and places one elbow heavily on the table. “I made you a promise. And that promise means that if someone comes for you, I will be there. You gave your back to me. Do you trust me to keep it? Because otherwise we’ll end this now.”

Kevin swallows thickly and nods. 

“Good. Then be a good boy and sit here until I get back.”

When Andrew gets back with Aaron and Nicky, Kevin is visibly trying to restrain himself from shaking, but he’s there. 

Andrew’s face splits into a grin. “Oh, but he did do it! I’m surprised.”

Kevin glares at him, but it’s a weak glare.

“Don’t look so down, Kevin. Now you can have all the vodka you can drink and you’ll feel so much better. Right?”

Kevin sighs, but nods thankfully.

Andrew motions for the group to go, taking one last glance at Kevin to make sure he moves before following behind them.

On Monday, Andrew watches carefully to see how Kevin fares when heading to class. At the point where they are set to split paths, Kevin looks at Andrew, who simply raises and eyebrow. Kevin hesitates for a moment, but steps off the path toward his own class. When he looks back, Andrew is already gone.

He keeps going and eventually reaches his classroom. No one’s waiting for him after, but he makes it back to Fox Tower, too. It’ll take a long time for this to feel right and for his hand not to shake, but he does it and it’s the first time he ever feels brave.


	39. Andreil- Trip with the Foxes

During the few weeks between the end of the school year and the beginning of summer practices, the Foxes decide to take a well deserved vacation, this time to one of Allison’s beach houses. It’s a fun and relaxing time for all, with even Kevin bitching only tangentially about Exy.

It’s also a sobering trip, because it’s the last time they’ll be together while being able to say they’re the only Foxes. In two weeks, a whole slew of freshmen will come and their family will grow a lot. Neil is excited to be with his family and be able to just relax, but he’s also nervous about the upcoming season and being vice captain. 

His time on the vacation is pretty evenly split between everyone, but favorite moments are when he can slip away to be alone with Andrew. 

One night, toward the end of the trip, they’re all gathered around a fire pit, laughing and drinking and having a good time. Neil has had this entire trip to work through his issues with fire and beaches, but it’s still too much sometimes, so he’s taking a break by walking out by the balcony with Andrew. After a few minutes of smoking and talking softly, about the season and the beach, he’s calmed down considerably and feels a sleepy weight fall over him. Andrew doesn’t have many good memories of the beach, but he grew up in California so he has a few and he tells Neil them. It’s not even what he’s saying, but the drone of Andrew’s voice that calms him down.

“I didn’t think it got so cold here,” Neil says, shivering a bit.

“You’re always cold,” Andrew answers dryly, but he takes off his sweatshirt and hands it to Neil.

At this point, most of the team is pretty close to drunk, so he’s hardly surprised when a wolf whistle comes from either Dan or Matt (he’s not sure and that’s mildly concerning).

He tries to wave them off, but Andrew lowly says, “Yes or no?”

Neil starts to say, “Wha-”, but Andrew just repeats, “Yes. Or no?” while tapping Neil’s chin.

“Yes,” Neil answers and Andrew pulls him in for a deep kiss. Neil feels like he’s floating. His teammates’ drunken calls seem far away and all he can focus on is the hard press of Andrew’s mouth on his and his almost too tight grip on his waist.

Andrew pulls away and Neil is left wondering what just happened. His lips curve into a smile. “Did you just-”

“Be quiet.”

After a moment, Andrew flicks his cigarette one last time before throwing it to the ground. “They’re drunk. It’s not like they’ll remember this happened in the morning. I figured why not indulge them?”

But Neil would remember.

“You’re staring,” Andrew says finally, “Go play with the other children.”

Neil was fine giving Andrew space after such a big step, but he grins as he walks away. And if Andrew sits a little closer to Neil for the rest of the trip, that’s an added bonus.


	40. Jerejean- Dancing

Jeremy wakes up with a yawn and turns in towards Jean’s side of the bed hoping to find Jean’s warmth to burrow into, but instead only finding a rapidly cooling spot and covers thrown back. He fumbles around for his glasses, then squints at his phone to see that it’s 3:17 a.m. 

He heads out of the bedroom and follows the light to their kitchen, where Jean is standing with a glass of water. Jeremy wipes his eyes sleepily with one hand and says, “Couldn’t sleep?”

Jean doesn’t answer the question, but instead says, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Jeremy shrugs and heads over to lean his head against Jean’s shoulder. Jean’s arms go carefully around him and Jeremy hums happily.

“It’s a week away,” Jean says cautiously.

Jeremy looks at the simple band on his finger and smiles, saying, “In a week, I get to call you my husband.”

“If we don’t die during the first dance that is,” Jean remarks dryly.

Jeremy snorts. “You’re so dramatic. We’re not that bad.”

Jean gives him a look. “Last time you slid into the fridge and almost toppled it over and nearly broke your arm.”

“You’d think professional athletes would be more coordinated.”

Jean shrugs. “Eighty percent of our sport is careening into other people. Finesse isn’t really a factor.”

“Do you want to practice?” Jeremy asks softly.

Jean takes him in with one hand on his waist and the other curved around his back. Jeremy leans his head against Jean’s warm, solid chest and thinks about how this is the safest place he’s ever been.

Jean rubs his back and asks, “What day is your family getting here?”

Jeremy sighs. “If the wedding’s Saturday, I think Wednesday.”

Jean chuckles. “Tell your mom she can’t bring cookies or we won’t fit into our suits.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Jeremy grumbles. He has a little pouch by his lower stomach that won’t go away no matter how hard or often he works out.

“Hush,” Jean says, kissing the top of Jeremy’s head, “You’re perfect.”

They sway in the silence around the kitchen. It’s awkward and stilted, but Jeremy can hear Jean’s steady heartbeat and feel his strong arms around him, holding him up. He knows in a week they’ll be dressed up and everything will be special, but right now, in his glasses and pajama pants and bare feet, with Jean looking down at him with bedhead and wearing a ratty hoodie, Jeremy has never felt so in love.

Eventually, they wear themselves out dancing and Jeremy just holds his arms out sleepily as Jean picks him up and carries him back to bed.

“You’re already spoiled,” Jean mumbles as he crawls back in bed.

“You love me,” Jeremy answers simply.

“I do,” Jean says, pulling Jeremy closer and entwining their hands to rest by Jeremy’s heart before falling asleep.


	41. Jerejean-Lightweight

In retrospect, Jean should have known that going to the bar with Jeremy was a terrible idea. Neither of them drank very often, but they’d been together for four years, so they had seen each other intoxicated a few times.

Jean had been settled on their hotel bed with a book already when Jeremy started whining about being bored and how the rest of the team was going out after their game that night. Jean started to raise a protest about how they had to be awake in the morning, but Jeremy crawled up the bed and knelt in front of Jean, puppy eyes in full force.

“Please, baby?” he pleaded, taking Jean’s face between his hands for a kiss. And Jean’s lost, because he’s never been able to deny Jeremy anything once he’s pulled out the puppy eyes. He can never deny Jeremy anything anyway, but he tries to convince himself that there are reasons for him being a sucker.

Jeremy whoops in triumph before rushing about the room gathering his things. “If I’m hungover, I’ll just sleep it off on the bus.”

Jean sighs, but follows as Jeremy hurries out the door.

When they get to where their teammates are gathered, they cheer in surprise and come over to pat them both on the back and bring them over for their first round. Jean just orders a beer, but Jeremy calls him boring and gets something that surely has an obscene amount of alcohol.

But Jeremy’s an adult and Jean will watch him, but he’s not going to tell him what to do. That is, until Jean sees how the alcohol is affecting Jeremy. He’s a lightweight, and he didn’t pace himself, so it hits him like a freight train.

The first sign is the giggling. Jeremy’s always a chatterbox, but his voice is growing louder and Jean can hear him starting to slur now that he’s on his second drink.

Jean excuses himself from the conversation he was having with one of their dealers, Molly. She’s one of the calmer members of the team and she just laughs as he moves to intercept Jeremy from where he’s starting to sway.

Their team is the only group of people there, so he feels comfortable grabbing Jeremy around the waist and saying, “I think you’re drunk, darling.”

Jeremy laughs and after a long pause, says, “Yeah.” After a moment, he says, “Are we gonna have to go home?”

“No,” Jean says casually, “I’m having a good time.” Jean guides him over to where he was sitting and pulls Jeremy onto his lap. “So sit here while I finish up.”

Jeremy makes a small noise of protest, but Jean leans in and whispers, “Can you be good for me?”

Jeremy’s eyes widen, but he nods and relaxes into Jean. Jean orders another beer and settles back, content to people watch and occasionally engage his teammates in conversation.

Jeremy gradually comes down a little and joins in with most of his normal enthusiasm and enunciation. He seems content to stay in Jean’s lap, though, and Jean is grateful they they have understanding teammates.

By the time they get back to their room, Jeremy all but collapses face first into the bed.

“Tired?” Jean asks, but he only gets a groan in response. He chuckles and pulls the covers over them both.

In the morning, Jeremy groans at the sunlight streaming through the window and buries his face in his arm.

Jean mumbles an “I told you so” from the direction of the bathroom, but when Jeremy looks at the nightstand, there’s Advil and a glas of water waiting for him. Jeremy smiles, knowing Jean will always take care of him.


	42. Jerejean- Domestic part 1

Jeremy’s day starts like this: He wakes up at 5, which would irritate most people, but Jeremy loves the peaceful stillness and waking up to a world that’s still a little sleepy.

Speaking of sleepy, he looks over at Jean, who’s still asleep curled into where Jeremy had just been. Jeremy chuckles and kisses his forehead before heading off to get ready. Jean comes downstairs once Jeremy’s started brewing coffee. He’s still sleep rumpled and Jeremy knows he’s going to go back to sleep on the couch once Jeremy leaves for work. Still, it touches him that Jean wakes up this early just to make sure he sees Jeremy before he leaves.

It’s a weekday, which means he has cereal for breakfast, as Jean chides him for being just like his students. Jeremy grins and says he’s just staying in touch with his inner child, and Jean huffs out a laugh. They hold hands on top of the table, but spend the rest of the morning enjoying the quiet.

When Jeremy finally has to leave, he’s almost late because Jean is holding him from behind as he rinses his cup and Jeremy has to bat him away with a laugh. He presses up to kiss him as he leaves and smiles as he glances at Jean dragging a quilt over to the couch through the window.

His morning classes go pretty well. He’s popular with most of his students and he’s excited to introduce a new project. People say that middle school is the hardest to teach, but Jeremy loves it because it’s when they’re starting to form their personalities and he can at least try to keep them interested in learning before the pressures of high school snatch the fun away. When he says this, Jean scoffs and tells him it’s only because he has the patience of a saint, but Jeremy just laughs.

He eats lunch in his classroom because he doesn’t want to talk to anyone in the teacher’s lounge today. He has his project to focus on anyway. He may be 35, but he’s one of the younger teachers, which means he doesn’t particularly enjoy being harassed for that fact. He also doesn’t like hearing some of the senior teachers talk about their home lives and how their marriages are a trap and laughing about the lack of communication in their relationships. Not when getting married was one of the best things to ever happen to Jeremy. Jean’s offered a few times to come intimidate them with all the strength being an ex-backliner implies, but Jeremy just grins and says he can handle them.

The last two hours of the day pass in a blur pretty similar to the first 5 and then it’s time for him to head over to the community center where he coaches a little league Exy team twice a week. It’s a little hard to demonstrate some of the maneuvers because of the knee injury that caused his early retirement, but he manages alright.

Practice lasts 2 hours, but there’s a pair of twins on the team and their mom is a single parent who has to stay late at the office on Mondays, so he stays an extra hour with them to run drills. She picks them up and he waves goodbye and starts gathering up the equipment when he turns and sees Jean leaning against the goal.

Jean is still at a point where he doesn’t want to have anything to do with Exy, but he’ll stop by after practice with dinner and his reassuring presence. Jeremy runs over to kiss him quickly before linking their arms together and saying, “I missed you.”

Jean leans over to kiss his forehead and says, “I missed you too.”

Jeremy looks wistfully back at the little court and thinks about how one day Jean might feel comfortable enough to scrimmage with him. He’d never force him to play if he didn’t want to, and it’s not like Jeremy can get anywhere near his peak form, but a little part of him misses the easy competition, the adrenaline rush…Jean’s arm and back muscles flexing as he bats the ball away. He doesn’t realize that his mind’s wandered off until Jean says his name a few times. Jean shoots him a bemused look, but shakes his head affectionately as they get in the car to head home.

They tell each other about their day’s over dinner. Jean has some new paintings he’s working on and he lights up while talking about them. Jeremy’s so happy because Exy was Jean’s job; he spent so long doing something he hated, so to see him soft and happy and talking so much about something he loves, when he was so quiet when they met, is amazing.

They do dishes in their set rhythm and Jeremy muses happily on the fact that they’re so domestic and settled that they have a dish rhythm and it’s really nice.

He sets himself up to do some grading, but is distracted a few times by Jean’s mouth and hands until he sets his work aside to make out with his husband, who puts off his fretting by telling him he “works too hard.”

Jeremy finally gets through everything by about 10, and they head up to their room to read for a bit. They have different books, but are huddled against each other and Jeremy smiles again because it’s so comfortable.

“What?” Jean asks, seeing his cheery expression.

“Nothing,” he answers back, making Jean roll his eyes fondly. He closes his book at the end of a chapter and kisses Jean goodnight.

“Goodnight, baby,” Jean says in his accent made thicker by sleepiness, using a nickname reserved for when Jean’s feeling particularly affectionate. They sleep curled in towards each other and Jeremy smiles.

It’s not perfect. There are still days when Jean’s hands shake and he can’t get out of bed, and days where Jeremy sleeps on the couch because they’ve fought and they’re both too stubborn to admit they were wrong, but life is comfortable and good for the most part and he’s so happy that they’re here.


	43. Jerejean- Domestic part 2

Jean’s day starts like this: He feels Jeremy’s lips on his forehead and he curls into the warm space his body just left behind. He’ll get up in a few minutes once Jeremy’s downstairs, but for now he’s content to burrow deeper into the covers. He’s actually grateful that Jeremy wakes this early because even all these years later waking up to sunlight is…jarring. He hears the shower click on and he smiles remembering why Jeremy was almost late to work yesterday.

The smell of coffee is what finally leads Jean to stretch and head downstairs. He rolls his eyes when he sees the Fruity Pebbles in his husband’s bowl, but Jeremy just says something about staying in touch with his inner child and Jean laughs. Jeremy’s still utterly ridiculous, which was Jean’s first thought of Jeremy when he picked him up from the airport 12 years ago. Now, though, his boyish grin as he digs into the sugary cereal is utterly charming and makes Jean smile softly into his coffee.

Jeremy gets up to put the dishes in the sink and he’s humming to himself and he looks adorable, so Jean walks up to him and wraps his arms around Jeremy’s stomach and kisses his neck.

“You haven’t shaved, that tickles!” Jeremy cries and Jean just squeezes him. Jeremy has the barest bit of pudge on his lower stomach since he’s retired, but he’s not self conscious about it. He calls it his “happy weight” since he got it after they got married and Jean loves it. He loves him.

He loves the way Jeremy still makes sure to get one last kiss every morning and how he lingers until Jean practically pushes him out the door. He waits until the door closes before moving a quilt off the armchair and gaing back to sleep on the couch for the next 2 hours. Jean still can’t sleep in much later than 8 am, but it’s better than it was.

Once he’s actually awake, he gets himself another mug of coffee and sorts through some paperwork. He has a few news clippings of shows he wants to submit work for, with notes to call them, as well as a few invoices to sort.

By 11, he’s made enough phone calls that his brain feels like mush, so he texts one of his old teammates who lives nearly to ask if she’s free for lunch. She is, and they go to a little local place and catch up. Casual friendships aren’t something Jean’s ever had before, but he finds he likes the feeling. She asks about his paintings and Jeremy and he asks about her job and it’s closest to normal he’s ever felt.

When he gets home, he takes out his supplies, opens the blinds in the room he uses as his studio, and paints for a few hours. It’s calming and the buttery sunlight coming in through the window helps him feel at ease.

Since it’s a night where Jeremy’s late at practice and since it’s nice out, Jean decides to walk to the community center to meet Jeremy after. He realizes as he walks that he didn’t get all the paint off his hands and he smiles to himself as he thinks about how Jeremy will tease him for it.

He goes inside and is greeted by the woman at the reception desk, who’s leaving for the day. He sees her at this time every week and every week she coos at him about how sweet he and Jeremy are. He smiles politely and looks at his finger, where his ring has sat for the last 8 years, and think of how unbelievable it is that this is real, this is his.

He twirls the ring to distract himself from the hollow feeling he gets in his stomach when he looks at an Exy court. This one isn’t as bad because of how small it is, just in a gym, but he still wants to avoid it if he can.

The other bright spot is watching Jeremy move around the court. Jean leans against the goal, appreciating the way the light glints off Jeremy’s hair and, if he’s honest with himself, how nice Jeremy’s ass looks when he bends over to pick something up.

Jeremy turns around and Jean’s heart skips when he sees Jeremy light up like Jean’s the sun. He catches Jeremy just in time to kiss him without stumbling, before Jeremy catches him off guard again by saying, “I missed you.” He recovers by kissing Jeremy’s forehead, while he contemplates how this wonderful man somehow misses him after only a few hours.

“I missed you too,” he says, truthfully.

He starts asking how practice was, but notices Jeremy’s distracted and waits for his mind to come back. It does and the ride home is peaceful too, filled with Jeremy’s voice telling him about his day. He tells Jeremy about his painting over dinner and marvels at how Jeremy is riveted the whole time, something that means the world to a man who’s always been an afterthought.

They do the dishes and Jeremy settles in to do some grading, but Jean is so distracted by how attractive his husband looks in his glasses that he keeps leaning over to him or play with his hair. Eventually, his tactics and work and Jeremy puts aside his work to make out on the couch.

His work does get done eventually and they read for a bit, Jeremy tucked snugly under his arm. Jeremy seems in wonder of the moment and Jean is so happy they’re here, and still so in love.

Before they go to bed, he says, “goodnight, baby,” because it’s been a good, soft day and he knows how much Jeremy loves being called “baby” and Jeremy’s last thought everyday, in Jean’s opinion, should be to know how special he is to Jean.


	44. Jerejean- Dreams

The dream always starts the same. Jean’s looking up at the sky, but it’s dark like the Nest, not the star-filled sky he loves. He’s on a bridge and below him is water.

Jean doesn’t actively want to jump, but he lets himself be drawn into the smooth blackness of the water. He’s leaning forward when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something. Not something; someone. Staring at him is a boy in a sweatshirt, standing stock still and staring. Jean pulls back to look at him, but he disappears.

When Jean looks down, the water isn’t there anymore and his feet are on solid ground.

Having a soulmate works like this: It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes they’ll check up on you in your dreams. They say that the closer you are in proximity to them, the clearer they’ll be in your dreams. It’s impossible to tell, though. Soulmate dreams aren’t an exact science after all.

So Jean wakes up the day after his first Finals victory his freshman year against the Trojans, wondering why he finally saw a clear glimpse of his soulmate. The thought only lasts a few groggy seconds before Riko’s tearing at his hair to get him to move for practice.

He sees the blurry figure of his soulmate a few more times, but he convinces himself he’s just making it up. Besides, it’s not as though he has any time to think of his soulmate between practice and Riko.

Riko beat the impulse out of him years ago anyway.

At least that’s what he tells himself until they play the Trojans in a death match again a year later.

That night, he’s in the dream on the bridge again, only this time the boy in the sweatshirt is closer. Jean wants to reach out and touch him, see if he’s real, but he’s afraid. Instead, Jean just leans on the bridge next to him and they stare at the water in silence. Jean finds himself tilting toward the water again, but his soulmate’s hand on his arm, feather light, stops him.

“Why?” the boy in the sweatshirt says.

Before he can answer, the water and the boy are gone again.

–

They beat Penn State in the Finals, naturally, but by a smaller margin than Riko especially would have liked. Since Kevin’s been gone, it’s only gotten worse and Jean tries so hard not to react, because Riko thrives on that.

His soulmate doesn’t show up clearly again after that for a while, but Jean hopes he’s happy. He’s sorry that he’ll never meet him in person.

–

After he gets taken from the Nest, he lies in a state of half awake, half asleep for days. The medication keeps him from really sleeping, so it’s not until after he meets Jeremy Knox and Coach Rhemann about his transfer that the pieces come together.

That night, Jean dreams for the first time in a week and of course he’s back on the bridge. His soulmate’s there in the same damn sweatshirt, and says, “You never answered my question.”

Jean smiles ruefully. “Why what, then? You never clarified.”

“Why do you go so near the water?”

“I don’t know.” At the silence, he goes on to say, “I don’t know how to have a future. I never had one before. I don’t…” he holds his head in his hands. “It’s easier to look at the water and see nothing. I get nothing. I’m nothing.”

He feels the boy’s hand on top of his. “I don’t think you’re nothing.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I’d like to.”

Jean looks up and it’s the first time he’s been close enough to see his soulmate. And to see that it’s Jeremy Knox.

He wakes up and resolves not to say anything.

–

Because life hates Jean, they end up sharing a room and, by extension, sharing dreams. He knows Jeremy knows, but neither of them bring it up for the better part of a year. He sees the pitying looks from Laila and Alvarez, but Jean knows Jeremy shouldn’t be saddled with him. It’ll hurt for now, but they’ll both move on. Jean just has to make it until Jeremy graduates.

Everything changes, though, one night near the anniversary of when he left the Nest. The first thing Jean notices is that they’re back on the bridge. The dreams for the rest of the year had been elsewhere, somewhere of Jeremy’s invention.

The water looks different now. It’s less black, probably because the stars have returned to the sky. They don’t speak, but he looks at Jeremy’s moonlighted face and thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

He wakes slowly and looks over to see Jeremy waking and looking at him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jeremy asks.

Jean’s silent for a long moment before he asks softly, “How can you want this? You don’t even know me.”

Jeremy smiles. “No. But I’d like to.”

“You said that to me once. In a dream.”

“Luckily this isn’t a dream.”

“Isn’t it?” Jean asks, curiously.

Jeremy plays with the blanket. “You deserve to be happy.”

He remembers thinking the same thing about Jeremy back when he was still a faceless boy on a bridge. “And you?”

“I think you could make me so happy too,” Jeremy adds, and Jean can barely make out the flush on his face.

Jean nods and rolls over to fall back asleep, but in the morning, there’s a note on his desk that says, “Coffee?” with a smiley face and Jean thinks trying to be happy might not be the worst thing.


	45. Andreil- Home

Andrew shuts the door behind him and tells himself that he isn’t going out of his way to be quiet so he won’t wake up Neil. He’s starting to believe Neil’s onto something when he calls Andrew a terrible liar, but he’d never admit that to his face.

Out of spite and anger at that realization, Andrew lets his keys clatter on the table as he sets them down, along with his bags from where he was travelling with his team. He only succeeds in rousing the cats; Neil sleeps like the fucking dead.

King meows noisily at Andrew’s feet while Sir makes himself at home on the kitchen table. Andrew says “no” a few times, but the dumb things keep looking at him, so he scratches behind their ears until they sniff and go away. They got the cats because Neil didn’t like being alone when Andrew was at games and cats could more or less take care of themselves if they were gone for a day. If their schedules both meant they were gone for a few days, one of the Foxes would catsit, usually Matt or Renee. They joked that they were the godparents, much to Andrew’s chagrin.

He wondered at how domestic he’d become and the clench in his gut at the thought is still there, though it lessened a bit every day. He still woke up most days waiting for the other shoe to drop and the cats moving in the middle of the night still startled him, but he feels…settled. And that scares him more than anything else.

He walks into the bedroom and it isn’t until he’s down to his tank top and boxers and is crawling into bed that Neil finally stirs with a groan. When he sees Andrew, his face breaks into a sleepy smile and he says, groggily, “You’re home.”

His Neil isn’t usually like this. Neil’s not soft, or nice, even after all these years. His Neil screams at matches on TV and tells off reporters who dare to bring up his past in interviews. His Neil pisses Andrew off to no end by stealing the covers and letting the cats on the bed and asking Andrew to go to Aaron’s wedding when Andrew wants to throw the invitation away.

They’re not soft people; they love with all they have and fight with it too. But there are moments like this, when Andrew’s tired and something in him slips and cracks, where he lays down next to Neil and brushes his fingers over the scars on Neil’s face, the most beautiful part of him, and whispers, “Yeah. I’m home.”


	46. Kevin and Bee

Kevin sits in the waiting room at Reddin and tries not to fidget with his hands. It’s a bad habit, one he had even before his hand got shattered. It annoyed Riko, so he tried to suppress it, but sometimes he’d fidget and Riko would slap his hand to make him stop.

He’s dead, he’s dead, Riko’s dead.

That was why he was here, right? It was the beginning of summer, which meant mostly everyone was either home or on vacation. Kevin had stayed on campus to try and sort out his relationship with Co-his father. One of the stipulations (suggestions) of that agreement was to deal with the craziness of the past semester and his “conflicting feelings” about Riko’s death. Pretty much everyone on the team hated him for grieving, but how could he not when Riko had been his entire world for half his life?

 

So now he was sitting and waiting to meet with Bee when he should be on the court getting a leg up for the season.

 

He should, he should, he should…

 

“Kevin?”

 

He looks up.

 

“How are you today?” Bee asks as he stands. He doesn’t answer as he’s led down the hallway into her office.

 

“Tea?” she asks, and he nods. “How has your summer been?”

 

Awkward. Strange.

 

“It’s been alright.”

 

She smiles like she sees through him. It makes him angry and his voice surges as he says, “Aren’t you going to ask about Riko?”

 

She tilts her head. “Do you want to discuss Riko?”

 

God no.

 

“No,” he mumbles.

 

“What would you like to talk about then?”

 

He hates choices. He works well with a script, an idea, something, anything, but open ended questions? Nope.

 

“Do you always stay during summer?” he asks.

 

She smiles. “Part of it. I have all summer to decide where to go.”

 

“So you’re staying for me.”

 

She puts down her cup. “I’m here to help.”

 

Kevin clenches his teeth. He had been lost without his mom and the first thing, the one kind thing the Master had ever said to him was, “I’m here to help.” When he went to Wymack cradling his broken hand, all Abby had said was, “Let me help you.” Help was a word associated with the worst times of his life.

 

“You’re wasting your time,” he spits.

 

“Am I?” More questions. Great.

 

He rolls his eyes. “I can see why you get along with Andrew.”

 

She smiles at that. He expects her to ask about what he had just said, but instead she asks, “Do you love yourself, Kevin?”

 

He sputters for a moment before saying, “I don’t have to answer that.”

 

“You don’t. But you said yourself: You think you’re a waste of time.”

 

“I-” he wants to say that wasn’t what he meant, but wasn’t it? “I don’t know,” he mumbles, crossing his arms.

 

He didn’t want to look up, knowing he’d see pity on her face, but when he manages to look, he finds none there. Instead, she asks, “Would you like to?”

 

He takes a breath, but reluctantly nods. He’s tired. He’s tired of feeling worthless. All his arrogance was wrapped up in that number 2 and now that it’s gone he doesn’t know what to do. He’s arrogant and proud on the field, but outside of it he has no idea who he even is.

 

“You don’t have to do this- I’m not usually one for assigning homework- but if you like, I would try writing. Write anything you can think of that you like about yourself.”

 

“And if I can’t think of anything?”

 

She smiles. “I think you’ll be surprised.


	47. Jean- Halloween

Jean wasn’t completely sure what he’d done wrong in some previous life to deserve this, but apparently it was awful because going to the Trojans was trading one hell for another. They walked around as if life was sunshine and unicorns and Jean tagged along as the perpetual raincloud.

 

What brought this crisis on was the fact that the Trojans, instead of practicing as they should be on Halloween, are participating in some kind of charity event, where they take little kids from bad homes around the neighborhood trick or treating on campus. Jean knows nothing about this until Jeremy asks, “What are you going as for Halloween?”

 

Jean doesn’t look up from his book. “Halloween is for children.”

 

Jeremy’s smile doesn’t falter. “First, you’re wrong. Halloween’s awesome. And second, I meant for the charity event. Y’know, where we take kids around campus to get candy?”

 

At Jean’s blank look, he says, “Oh God. I didn’t tell you. Shit. I’m so sorry.”

 

He turns away to start rifling through his desk and finds a flyer in the rubble eventually. He hands it to Jean, who reads it silently and says, “We have to go trick or treating. With children.”

 

“Well...yeah. Giving back to the community is a big part of what we do. We do stuff for the other holidays too.”

 

Jean’s thoroughly annoyed, but there’s something about Jeremy’s puppy-like enthusiasm that makes Jean sigh and ask, “What do I have to do?”

 

Jeremy’s face falls. “You’ve never been trick or treating, have you?”

 

Jean doesn’t appreciate the pity in his voice and snaps back, “No, but I’m not stupid. I understand the concept.” He hates the kicked puppy look on Jeremy’s face, but he doesn’t let himself dwell on it.

 

Jeremy goes on, “Well, first things first, you need a costume.”

 

\--

 

Which is how Jean ends up going as an actual rain cloud to counter Jeremy’s actual Captain Sunshine. 

 

His “costume” isn’t actually very different from his normal attire, just black jeans and a black sweater topped off with his usual frown. The only difference is the hat Laila made for him, with paper raindrops falling from a clothes hanger attached to the top. Jeremy looks completely ridiculous in a yellow monstrosity, while Laila and Alvarez are the moon and a star, respectively.

 

When Jean walks out of the room, scowling, Laila claps her hands together. “You look great!”

 

Jean doesn’t dignify it with a response.

 

They head to the Commons area of the dorm and are greeted by a group of 10 kids. Jean knows Jeremy has siblings, so he must be comfortable with kids, but seeing how he lights up and engages them is something to be seen. He just has this ability to make people want to listen to what he has to say. It’s so different from everything Jean’s been trained to think a captain should be.

 

He’s starting to get stuck in his head when he feels something tap on his leg. He jolts, but looks down to see it’s just a small girl in a ladybug costume. He stares at her, waiting for her to say what she wants, but she just reaches up for one of his hands.

 

Jean hates his hands, how scarred and crooked they are, but he takes her hand she doesn’t seem to mind or notice. He ignores the excited looks Jeremy shoots him and Laila and Alvarez’s whispering and focuses on going door to door with the girl, whose name he learns is Jenny. She doesn’t talk much, which is fine because Jean doesn’t either, but it’s nice seeing her quiet excitement, as opposed to the other children who are running around screaming.

 

When they reach the end of the tour, she hands him a little bag of candy and won’t take it back when he tries to insist it’s hers.

 

“You need it more. You’re like Eeyore!”

 

He raises an eyebrow. “Who’s Eeyore, little one?”

 

She looks at him like he’s the dumbest human being alive. It reminds him a little bit of Kevin. “From Winnie the Pooh! He’s sad and you’re sad. And his friends love him and try to make him happy, but they still let him be sad sometimes cause they love him the way he is. But they still include him.”

 

Jean doesn’t know how to answer, so he clutches the candy to him and says, “Thank you.”

 

She nods and skips off, yelling behind her, “Bye, Mr. Eeyore!”

 

Jeremy laughs and stops next to him, announcing, “Huh, you are kind of Eeyore. Guess we’ll have to watch Winnie the Pooh, huh?”

 

Jean smiles a tiny smile and says, “I suppose we will.”


	48. Jerejean-Panic Attack

It isn’t supposed to be like this.

 

He’s playing on a professional team. He’s in a stable relationship. He’s supposed to have everything he’s ever wanted. And he does. So why does he still have moments where his chest is tight and it feels like he’s having all the air squeezed out of him like he’s a balloon?

 

He knows, rationally, that it doesn’t work like this, but a small part of him feels like his anxiety was supposed to have an end date. Like once he reached his goals, it would go away. But now he’s standing in the living room as he watches the highlights of his last game- the game where he missed what would’ve been the winning shot.

 

Stupid, not good enough…

 

The announcers are speculating on what happened and if the stress of adjusting to a new team is too much for Jeremy. He doesn’t realize how hard he’s breathing until he hears Jean’s no nonsense voice behind him say, “Turn it off.”

 

His voice is choked as he gasps, “I c-can’t. I can’t, I can’t…”

 

He feels Jean take his arms and bring him down to the floor. While Jean can’t be touched during his panic attacks, Jeremy needs a grounding force to keep his mind from going a mile a minute. Jean looks at him and says, “Jere, I need you to breathe with me. Can you do that?”

 

Jeremy nods shakily, but counts with him until he gets his grounding in reality back. He focuses on the sound of Jean’s voice and the feeling of hands in his. He catalogs each ridge of Jean’s fingers and palms, the hands that he knows so well. Jean hates his hands, but Jeremy loves them because they’re so unique to Jean. They’re a sign of how strong he is and what he’s overcome. He loves them because when he’s panicking he has a system that helps him calm down.

 

He feels for the ridges on Jean’s ring finger from a bone that didn’t set right, then the raised scar on his middle finger, then the callous by his thumb from where he holds his racquet. Once Jeremy feels them all, he opens his eyes to meet Jean’s grey ones and hears, “That’s it. Come back.”

 

All Jeremy feels after a panic attack is exhausted, so he leans down to lay his head in Jean’s lap and focuses on the feeling of fingers running through his hair and Jean’s low voice telling him inane things just to lull him back.

 

After he’s calmed down, Jeremy whispers, “I’m sorry.”

 

Jean shushes him. “Hush, my darling. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

 

Jeremy hums. Jean only calls him darling in especially soft moments. Jean continues, “There was nothing you could have done about that goal. And even if there was, just focus on getting better.”

 

Jeremy mumbles, jokingly, “You should take your own advice.”

 

He lays there until he feels less dizzy and when he comes to, Jean is there, as Jeremy wants him to always be.


	49. Jerejean-Fight

At this point, he doesn’t even remember how the argument started.

 

The intermediate space between Jeremy retiring from a knee injury and Jean still having two more years before his contract ended made things somewhat tense. It was hard to adjust between having the whole house to himself to suddenly sharing space again. Meanwhile, being so close to the playoffs always stressed Jean out to a higher degree than normal. 

 

Jean’s team had an off week, and they had both been excited to have some time together in person. However, after their initial enthusiastic reunion, Jeremy could tell the stress was getting to him. He had reached out to touch his hand during dinner and Jean had flinched away. Jeremy apologized and he knew it wasn’t Jean’s fault and he didn’t blame him, but it still stung a bit. He wanted to be there for him, to comfort him through what was bothering him, but sometimes Jean needed space.

 

Before he knew it, though, three days had gone by and Jean was retreating farther and farther into himself. Jeremy sat next to him on the couch, leaving enough space between them that Jean didn’t feel crowded. He held out his hands palm up and said, “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here.” 

 

Jean didn’t acknowledge his words, just let his jaw work for a silent minute. Apparently, something in Jeremy’s expression must have frustrated Jean, because he lashed out and said, “You can’t help me.”

 

“At least help me understand,” Jeremy said, trying to take away some of the pain Jean was clearly pushing down.

 

“You can’t understand!” Jean finally said, digging his fingers into his thighs.

 

Jeremy stood up, not wanting to push the issue. If Jean was in this kind of a headspace, he didn’t want to say something that would make things worse. He couldn’t help the frustration in his voice as he said, “When you’re ready to stop pushing me away, you know where to find me.”

 

About two seconds after the words left his lips, he regretted it. He sighed and said, “I’m sorry. We’ll talk in the morning. I’ll take the couch tonight. I love you.”

 

Jean was still tense, but he looked like he was managing as he nodded and murmured a distracted, “J’etaime,” as Jeremy left the room. He waited until he was curled up in a quilt on the couch to let himself sob softly into the pillow.

 

\--

 

Jean lay in bed unable to sleep for about 3 hours before giving up and dragging the comforter down the stairs. He was sorry for lashing out at Jeremy, but he couldn’t find a way to vocalize everything he was feeling. He didn’t want to put Jeremy at risk and he also didn’t want to hurt Jeremy. Still, he knew being honest was important to their relationship and he couldn’t sleep without making things right. 

 

He leaned down next to the couch and lightly brushed Jeremy’s hair out of his face. His eyes were red-rimmed and Jean had to swallow against the rush of anger he felt toward himself. He tried to breathe and use the coping skills his therapist had shown him. 

 

Jeremy stirred and he croaked out a “Hey...couldn’t sleep?”

 

Jean shook his head and Jeremy’s expression softened. He moved over to make room for Jean to crawl in by him. “Are you okay being touched?”

 

Jean nodded and he curled their hands together between their bodies. They lay there in silence for a moment before Jean finally said, “I’m sorry. For snapping. You didn’t deserve it.”

 

Jeremy just nodded and kissed the hollow of his throat.

 

He continued, “I can’t always promise to be able to talk to you about it though. Sometimes it’s just…” he trailed off, gesturing towards his head.

 

“I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed. I just don’t want you to have to go through this alone.”

 

“I know I’m not alone, mon cher. We can talk about it it in the morning. Go back to sleep.”

 

Jeremy nodded sleepily and tucked his head under Jean’s chin. “Good. Didn’t like sleeping alone.”

 

Jean kissed Jeremy’s forehead and stayed awake until he heard his breathing even out. 

 

He sleeps soundly the rest of the night.


	50. Andreil- Daughter

Andrew awoke to the sound of small feet padding up to the bed. He catalogued the feeling of both the cats already in bed, so he steadied his breathing and quickly rationalized that it must be McKenna.

 

Sure enough, he heard a quiet, “Daddy? Are you awake?” from the foot of the bed. She knew not to touch either of them to wake them up; they would hear her come in.

 

He sat up and scanned her face as best he could in the dark for any injuries. Finding none, he asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

She sniffed before saying, “I had a bad dream.”

 

Andrew stilled. From any other child, a bad dream would mean nonsense monster to be chased away under beds, but Andrew knew too well that her nightmares came from real-life monsters that stuck around long past their welcome. He clenched his fists against the rush of anger at the fact that she had to deal with this, that she, like him, couldn’t get a night of rest because of the people who were supposed to take care of her.

 

He quieted Neil when he started to stir and motioned for McKenna to follow him.

 

Once they were in the light of the kitchen, he hoisted her onto the kitchen counter as he got two mugs out and started warming milk for hot chocolate. After a moment of hesitation, he started heating up water for tea too, since he knew Neil wouldn’t stay asleep for long.

 

As it heated up, he stood by her at the counter, noting that in the position that they were of about equal height. He hovered his hand by her face and when she nodded he brushed the tears away with his thumb. He put two ice cubes in her drink so she wouldn’t burn herself and held the cup up to her mouth.

 

“Better?” he asked after a few sips. She nodded and he noted that she’d stopped crying. 

 

They sat in silence for a few minutes before sure enough he heard Neil come into the room. Andrew handed him his mug and took comfort in the soft brush of fingers as their hands exchanged the cup. 

 

Neil walked up to McKenna and said, “Hey ladybug. Everything okay?”

 

She nodded. “Bad dream.”

 

Neil grimaced sympathetically. “But Daddy’s always here to protect you, right?”

 

She nodded enthusiastically. “Chocolate always beats the bad guys! Like in Harry Potter!”

 

Neil chuckled and said, “That’s right.”

 

For Andrew, hope was still a brittle feeling inside his chest, but he hoped with everything he had left that she’d always be able to grow up believing that.

 

Eventually, she started to nod off, so Andrew picked her up to carry her into the room. He kissed her forehead as he laid her down, knowing he’d never hear the end of it if Neil happened to see.

 

Neil had rinsed the mugs in his absence and they headed back to bed together, Neil getting in bed first so Andrew wouldn’t have to adjust to his weight.

 

Once they were settled, Neil said, “You have quite the gift for chasing away monsters.”

 

Andrew turned Neil’s staring face away with two fingers so he wouldn’t have to see it. “Shut up and go to sleep.”

 

He fell back asleep to the feeling of Neil chuckling against his throat.


	51. Andreil-Christmas

Neil sits quietly in front of the fireplace and holds his knees to his chest, thinking about the last six months. It says a lot that he feels comfortable being near the fire’s glow. It helps that it wasn’t accompanied by the smell of smoke, but even that he had begun to associate with Andrew and rooftops instead of the smell of burnt metal and worse.

 

Speaking of Andrew, Neil turns lightly when he hears his footsteps approaching and accepts the cup of tea that Andrew silently offers him. He knew that Andrew had made hot chocolate with extra marshmallows for himself and smiles softly at the thought that Andrew had made tea especially for him.

 

Neil takes a sip as Andrew sits next to him and smiles at him. “It’s peppermint.”

 

Andrew just says, “I know. I made it.”

 

Neil rolls his eyes and teases, “There’s a Christmas spirit in there somewhere.”

 

Andrew doesn’t dignify that with a response except for a soft huff into his drink.

 

Neil takes the quiet moment to observe Andrew in the firelight. The soft light makes him look like his hair extends into a halo. He’d never say it out loud, but he’s sure that Andrew is some kind of avenging angel anyway. Ruthless and beautiful, untouchable. And yet Neil is somehow allowed to touch.

 

“Staring,” Andrew says, reaching to turn Neil’s head back toward the fire. Neil notes the way his fingers brush away a lock of hair with a smile. 

 

He’s surprised to hear Andrew speak up again, saying, “You’re sure you don’t want to celebrate with the other idiots? Let them show you the true meaning of Christmas?”

 

Neil raises an eyebrow. “You mean getting wasted on eggnog and passing out with reindeer ears on?”

 

Andrew makes a huffing sound that Neil is about ninety five percent sure is thinly veiled laughter. “Something like that.”

 

Neil hums and turns his body so that his feet are tangled with Andrew’s. He places his hands palm up on his knees and says. “No. I’d rather spend Christmas with you.”

 

Andrew stares at him stone-face. “You shouldn’t say stupid shit.”

 

“Has that ever stopped me before?”

 

Andrew says nothing, but taps on Neil’s knee, an unsaid question. Neil nods and laces their fingers together. 

 

“I really don’t think I’m missing anything,” Neil says quietly. 

 

“Unpredictable,” Andrew says under his breath.

 

“I have to keep you interested somehow.”

 

“I don’t think that’ll ever be a problem,” Andrew says, casually, but Neil can hear the quaver in his voice.

 

He acknowledges the moment for what it is, that Andrew is getting one step closer to admitting that this is a ‘something’, but he doesn’t push it. Instead, he draws Andrew in closer and whispers, “yeah?”

 

Andrew lifts one hand and holds onto the back of his neck and draws Neil in for a kiss. His face is warm from the fire and his hands are steady and Neil feels like all he wants for Christmas is this, forever.


	52. Jerejean-Christmas

The tree was, objectively, too large for their apartment. 

 

Jean knew it would be from the first glance, but Jeremy had been so excited because, “it’s our tree Jean! Ours!”, so Jean didn’t say anything, even as realization hit Jeremy walking through the door. With some finesse, they managed to tuck it into a corner where it was only a little lopsided. It wasn’t perfect, but it was theirs.

 

The real dilemma came when jeremy dragged up three boxes full of tree decorations. They had already put up the two boxes of general decorations that Jeremy had, not including the cut out snowflakes Jeremy had insisted they make together. At this rate, it looked like Christmas had effectively thrown up all over the apartment already.

 

Jean watched with trepidation as Jeremy started unpacking the boxes and handed Jean a box. Inside were plain circle ornaments of varying colors.

 

Jean held one up and stared at it in puzzlement for a second. He knows rationally that he needs to hang it on the tree. It’s not as though this is his first time decorating a tree; he’s helped out at the Knox home before. But there’s something about this being his, having something tangible that proves that he gets to keep this, that this life isn’t a dream he’s about to wake up from. Every little relic, every piece of junk in their apartment is a sign that he belongs somewhere.

 

He’s pulled out of his reverie by Jeremy’s laugh echoing from next to him. “Are you going to hang it on the tree?”

 

Jean blushed and hurriedly hung it on the nearest branch. Jeremy made his way around the tree and put his arm around Jean.

 

“It’s okay babe. I’m not making fun of you. I’m pretty sure I sat in front of the tree and just stared at it for like an hour last night.”

 

Jean chuckled softly and accepted the ornament Jeremy offered him. They made quicker work of the tree after that and soon enough the tree was colorful and festive enough to match the Christmas sweater Jeremy had on. 

 

Jean was about to step away to appreciate their handiwork when Jeremy yelled, “Wait!” and ran to grab something. He came back looking uncharacteristically sheepish and Jean furrowed his brow as he asked, “Is something wrong?”

 

“No! Uh, I just...don’t laugh okay? I know it’s dorky.”

 

“Mon soleil, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

 

Jeremy sighed and held out an ornament that Jean didn’t recognize. He took it in his hand and inspected it. It was white, with gold trim that Jean could tell Jeremy had done himself. And in the center, in Jeremy’s handwriting, was written, “Jean and Jeremy’s First (Official!) Christmas!” 

 

“Do you like it?” He heard Jeremy’s nervous voice come from his side.

 

Jean placed it gingerly on the coffee table before moving over to cup Jeremy’s face in his hand. He kissed him deeply for a long moment before pulling away and resting their foreheads together.

 

“I love it,” he said. 

 

Jeremy smiled and asked, “Wanna put it on the tree together?”

 

They each had a hand on it as they placed it on the tree and then stood back to look. The tree was still an awkward size and a little lopsided, but Jean didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more perfect.


	53. Kandreil-Snow

Kevin loved snow.

He hadn’t grown up around it in his childhood, but traveling with his mother for work had led to quite a few good memories of it. He remembered his mother once showing him how to catch snowflakes on his tongue and telling him about how each one was unique and beautiful, even if not everyone could see it.

Now, so many years later he looked out the window of his, Neil and Andrew’s apartment and watched the snow fall down. They had eventually settled down in Chicago, arranging themselves around Andrew’s team. He and Neil played on the same team, but Kevin still played for Denver, which meant he wasn’t around quite as much. Still, they all had the holiday season off, so he was able to enjoy some time with his boyfriends. 

His peace was interrupted by the sound of the door closing and the sight of Neil, wrapped in his coat and a huge orange scarf, pouting at the doorway. 

“It’s cold,” he announced, unceremoniously. 

That drew Andrew out of the bedroom with a huff. “No shit, sherlock.”

Neil smirked at that and drew closer to Andrew. Kevin turned back to the window, assuming they were going to go into the kitchen to talk, when he felt freezing hands on his neck.

“What the FUCK, Josten?!” Kevin yelled.

Neil was cackling on the couch and Andrew was leaning against the doorway, face characteristically expressionless, but posture relaxed.

“You were so focused on watching the snow. It was the perfect opportunity.”

Kevin drew his mouth into an annoyed line, but was already planning his revenge. He walked over to where Neil lay distracted before scooping him up over his shoulder. He ignored his protests as they walked out the door, up to a snow drift, where Kevin unceremoniously dropped him in.

Neil balled up a bit of snow and threw it at Kevin’s face as he stood. He was cold, but he was having too much fun to care and laughed at Neil’s furious protests all the way back up to their apartment. When they came in, Andrew was actively ignoring them on the couch in favor of hot chocolate and some memory game on his phone that he was obnoxiously good at.

Neil made a show of shaking his wet hair out on Kevin, who just laughed and brushed the snow off his shoulders before kissing him softly. 

“Idiots,” Andrew murmured without looking up.

“But we’re your idiots,” Neil threw back.

Andrew didn’t dignify that with a response, but Neil grabbed a blanket and sat heavily next to him and Andrew didn’t complain. Kevin started to head back to the window, but Neil motioned for him to join them, so he sat in the last spot on the couch. Neil ended up laying across them with his head on Andrew’s lap and his feet in Kevin’s. 

“Gonna fall asleep?”

“No,” Neil answered, but he was yawning and sure enough minutes later he was out.

He saw Andrew gesture to the door and moved Neil’s feet softly to get up and latch the door as Andrew settled in behind Neil with back to the back of the couch. Kevin settled in last. It was a tight fit with all three of them on, but as Kevin took one last glimpse of the snow falling softly outside the window, he thought he wouldn’t have it any other way.


	54. Kandreil-Gifts

It was the last night of the holiday break and Kevin was going to have to go back to his apartment by his team in Dallas. Neil had transferred from Denver to Chicago to be on Andrew’s team the year before, so they lived together permanently, but Kevin wasn’t able to transfer until the next year because of his contract. He knew it was only practicality and that it didn’t mean anything about how they felt about him, but it still made leaving hard nonetheless. 

Looking at his bags stacked by the door only made the lump in his throat even bigger. The sight just reminds him that life since the Nest has been nothing but transient. Rationally, he knows that his life is so much better than it was, but there’s something about living perpetually out of bags that makes him aware of how impermanent he is. He doesn’t know how Neil did it for as long as he did.

But now Neil has a home with Andrew and a team and cats and Kevin just-popped in sometimes. He sighs and sinks onto the couch, watching the snow and secretly hoping for a storm so that he could put off leaving for another day.

“Hey,” he hears from behind him and it pulls him out of his reverie. “Catch.”

Kevin feels it hit his hand before he sees it. He looks down to see a key sitting in the palm of his good hand, the ridges digging into his palm from the impact of Andrew’s hard throw. He only barely registers Neil settling onto the couch next to him, their knees brushing the same way they do when they watch games together.

“For when you want to come home.”

Kevin’s heart relocates to somewhere near his spleen and he has to take a minute before shakily replying, “Home?”

Neil just raises an eyebrow and says, “Yeah, dumbass. Home. With us. Aren’t you the smart one?”

Kevin snorts at that. “We all know Andrew’s the smart one.”

Andrew finds the couch at that point and says, “I know better than to think that’s a compliment.”

Neil perks up and says, “But you don’t know better than to keep us around?”

Andrew waves his hand in dismissal and says, “Strays are always more trouble to get rid of than they’re worth.”

Kevin smiles then and says, “Not a stray. Keys,” and Neil shakes them at Andrew in agreement. Andrew pushes Neil’s hand away from his face, but Kevin notes the gentleness hidden there.

“Thank you,” Kevin says.

Andrew responds, “You’re here anyway. I figured breaking and entering was a hassle I didn’t want to deal with.”

“Because you already have your hands full with two hassles you don’t want to deal with?”

“Exactly.”

Neil laughs at that and Kevin smiles. They end up tucked on the couch with Neil’s head in his lap and Kevin and Andrew’s hands linked in the middle of the couch. His bags are still by the door and he’s still leaving in the morning, but the idea that he has something to come back to gives him strength he hasn’t felt in a long time.


	55. Jerejean- Hands

One would have thought that stepping on the field at all would be the hardest part.

However, Jean had been pulling himself up and out to practice for his entire life. He had done so with broken ribs gingerly self-wrapped, on less than an hour of sleep, with pains he’d rather not think of ever again.

But no, the hard part was this. Looking at his hands, gnarled and ugly, scars overlapping each other and fingers crooked.

He sighed deeply and peeled his gloves off of his hand. Even all these years later, on a pro team, the sight of the cross-hatched scars over his knuckles were hard to bar. They were a variation on pain, with places where Riko had sliced them open and deep marks from where he had been made to-.

He shuddered to avoid thinking about it and sending himself spiraling back there. He shook out the residual ache that always came after a game, exacerbated by the cold. The rest of the team had already left, but he had taken a few minutes to breathe and check himself over since it had been a hard game. He still preferred to check himself for injuries instead of letting the team nurse do it. He showered quickly, not wanting to keep Jeremy waiting any longer than he had to.

He found him leaning against the car door, clearly tired from playing the last quarter, but smiling anyway at the sight of Jean. Jean would never understand that look as long as he lived.

“Ready to go?” he asked, pushing himself away from the door and twirling his keys. Jean nodded and got in the passenger seat.

Later, when they were getting ready for bed, Jean sat on the edge, staring down at his hands. Jeremy paused from crawling under the covers and moved to sit by Jean instead.

“Are they bothering you?” He knew that cold weather made Jean’s hands ache sometimes. 

Jean shook his head. 

Jeremy took his hand and silently looked for any discomfort from Jean before drawing his hand to his mouth for a kiss on the palm. Jean closed his eyes against the sensation and tried to breathe. When he opened them, Jeremy was playing with his fingers, a soft smile on his face.

Jean finally scoffed, “I’ll never understand what you see in these ugly things anyway.”

Jeremy hummed, knowing better than to directly fight against Jean’s self-loathing. 

“I think they’re beautiful,” he said, kissing the pads of his fingers. “I think they’re strong, like you,” a kiss to the middle knuckles, ‘“Strong enough to protect yourself where it matters.”

He punctuated this with a kiss to the knuckles spanning the larger part of his hand. “But gentle enough to hold my hand. Make me feel safe.”

Not knowing what to say, Jean ran his thumb across Jeremy’s lips ,until Jeremy grinned and took it in his mouth, kissing it and paying all of his attention to it.

Jean smiled and pulled it away, rolling Jeremy onto his side next to him. “You’re a menace.”

“You love me.”

Jean slowly drew his thumb down Jeremy’s cheek. “I do.”

Jeremy kissed him softly and asked, “Feel better?”

Jean nodded. “Thank you.”

Jeremy responded by grinning and kissing his cheek, right where the scar that ran down his cheek and jaw lay. “We’ll work on that one next.”

Laying in bed, hands entwined with Jeremy’s, he thought to himself that if this was the hard part, he had come pretty far after all.


	56. Dan- Last Season

Dan cracked her knuckles and stared out at the field. It was a nervous habit, one that Matt always hassled her about before kissing each knuckle reverently. She would laugh to deflect the lump in her throat that she always got from him caring about her and treating her gently. Still, she was always nervous before the first practice of a season. She hadn’t been able to help it for the past four years and it certainly wasn’t going to change for her last season.

Her last season.

It was hard to believe that all these years clawing tooth and nail for every bit of recognition was about to culminate in this. There were more Foxes than there had ever been before and now they were coming off of their first championship win. Those weeks after had been a whirlwind of interviews and trying to enjoy her vacation, but now she was back and knew that keeping that momentum would be difficult. There were new personalities to sort out, new expectations to fulfill.

Still, as she looked out at her field and her team, she had faith. She had so much belief in her team that sometimes she felt like she was going to burst with it. But that field had never let her down before and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let it down.

It was going to be a good season.


	57. Robin- First Season

Robin was fairly certain she wasn’t going to make it through her first season alive.

Despite years of playing for her high school team, seeing the ball coming that quickly at her had made her flinch and she knew everyone had written her off as a failure. She got her rhythm back, but it would take more than that to change an entire team’s mind. It’s not as though she expected sympathy, but when she asked captain Neil for advice, all he said was “Block their shots” before stalking off with Andrew. She knew she wasn’t good enough, but she was trying, and having to keep up with that was so tiring. She just needed someone to throw her a bone.

After a long practice of Jack sniping at her that maybe she wouldn’t have been taken if she could defend herself, she looked over to see Andrew resting unconcerned in the other goal. She tried to think of how he saw the court, and while she would never see it the way he did, she knew Exy. In a world where everything changed, people on the court were predictable.

She saw how Jack’s arm twitched and knew he was going to go for the lower right corner. When he shot, she moved faster and blocked the shot. There was no cheer for doing her job , but the pissy look on Jack’s face was satisfaction enough.


	58. Jerejean- Non-Verbal

Jeremy should have known something was wrong the second he walked in the room. 

All the lights were off, leaving only the faint glow of the stars Jeremy had placed on his ceiling. He had put them there for Jean’s comfort, knowing that being in total darkness could bring back memories of the Nest.

He made sure to tap on the door before coming in, since Jean obviously didn’t react well to being startled. 

“Jean?” he called out. No answer. He walked toward their bed, feeling his way over with the walls and chairs placed around the room. It would be just his luck to trip over something and inadvertently send Jean into a panic. He sat on the floor next to the bed, at this point in their relationship innately knowing without seeing that Jean was curled up in the corner of the bed, trying to keep anything from touching him. 

Jeremy lay his hand palm up on the bed. It was their signal. When Jean took it, Jeremy would know that he was ready to talk. When Jean was in the thrall of his memories, he lost track of the world around him and tended to go non-verbal. It was horrifying to Jeremy how he became trapped in his own head.

He winced at every choked off noise that was unable to escape Jean’s throat. His heart ached. He always wished he could do more, be more for Jean. He knew these demons were Jean’s to fight, but he hated that all he could be was damage control after the fact. With Jean, he would always feel like he was too late.

After about half an hour of waiting and trying to soothe Jean by reminding him where he was and that Jeremy was right here and wasn’t going anywhere, he felt Jean’s fingers curl into his and moved to get on the bed, cross legged across from Jean. He was taking in shaky breaths, but he managed to squeeze Jeremy’s hand to let him know he was aware. 

“There we go. Come back to me.” 

After a long moment, Jean rasped out, “I don’t know why I still get like that.”

Jeremy ran his thumb over Jean’s knuckles. “It doesn’t go away.”

“I wish it would.”

“I know. But you’re so strong. You work through it every time. You beat them every single day by surviving. I’m so proud of you.”

Even with only the dim light of the stars, Jeremy could make out Jean’s faint smile. “I don’t know why you put up with me.”

Jeremy exhaled loudly. “Please. This is nothing compared to what you deal with. Remember that time you came home and I accidentally made six dozen cookies and they were all over the kitchen?”

Jean laughed. “I do. And then we ate almost a dozen that night alone?”

“Or when I was so sick that you had to wrap me up like a burrito and watch cooking shows with me all afternoon?”

“I was worried. You were so warm.”

Softly, Jeremy added, “Or when I broke my knee and you helped me keep smiling even when I thought my world was ending. I was so scared, but you were there the whole time. We take care of each other. You’re not a burden. You’re a human. A very special, important human who I love a lot.”

“I love you too.”

“Good.”

After a moment’s pause, Jean asked, “Love of my life?”

“Yes?”

“Can I have some water?”

Jeremy laughed. “Of course.”


	59. Jerejean and Lailvarez-Dinner Party

“You were totally worse!”

Laila had to put her arm over Sara’s stomach to keep her from standing up. Even twenty years after the fact, her wife was excellent at holding grudges and old college mishaps were no exception.

They were at Jeremy and Jean’s house for a little dinner get together and since the kids were away at summer camp for the week, their parents were a little bit past tipsy as they reminisced on old times. 

Laila tuned back in in time to hear Jeremy cry back, “Not true! You called me at four in the morning because you were having a breakdown about how cute her snoring was. I never did anything that bad.”

“Do I need to bring up the fiasco about you freaking out over what socks to wear on your first date?”

“I didn’t know if we would end up back at the apartment! I didn’t want to look like I hadn’t put effort in and I also didn’t want to be that weird guy who leaves his shoes on in his own apartment.”

“You had already lived together!”

“It’s different!”

Alvarez turned to Jean, who up until this point, had been sitting silently and bemused, nursing his glass of wine. “Jean. Did you notice what shoes Jeremy was wearing on your first date?”

“Um...no? I was too busy looking at his face.”

Alvarez sat back in her chair triumphantly while Jeremy turned a little pink, though that could’ve been the wine. “Aww babe…”

Laila made a gagging noise. “You two…”

Jean smirked slightly, a sure sign that he had thought of something good. “You’re not better. I seem to recall a frantic phone call asking for ‘something romantic in French, I don’t care what.’”

“It was for a proposal!”

“It was exploitation.” 

Laila rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I can’t let you corner the market on romantic gestures just because you happen to speak the language of love.”

Jean laughed softly, but didn’t bother to respond. He knew he’d won.

After a lull, Jeremy sighed. “I hope the girls are doing okay...I keep having stress dreams about Mali getting eaten by a squid.”

“A squid?” Sara asked incredulously.

“They have beaks, okay! That’s unnatural!”

“Technically it’s very natural. Since, you know, squids are part of nature and they use them to get food,” Laila added.

“Not helping,” Jeremy shot back, laying his forehead down on the table.

Jean laid his hand on Jeremy’s hand. “I’m sure she’s fine, love. It’s a marine biology camp. I’m sure they have a protocol for squids.”

Jeremy settled back in his seat, but couldn’t help muttering, “Still don’t like it.”

“Lucy won’t let her do anything dangerous. They look out for each other.”

Jeremy sighed. “When did they grow up?”

Alvarez patted his shoulder. “They’re 14. They’re not quite grown up yet.”

“She’ll always need you, cher,” Jean added.

That seemed to placate Jeremy a bit and he sighed. “We’re pretty lucky, aren’t we? Good kids, good friends. We did pretty well.”

“We did,” Sara said, pulling a laughing Laila in for a kiss. “But you’re talking like we’re decrepit. I know I’m not dead yet.”

Jean grimaced. “Please stop tongue kissing at my dinner table.”

Alvarez paused long enough to shove his arm. “Lighten up, Frenchie. Go kiss your boy, he’s looking neglected.”

He turned and pulled Jeremy’s smiling face in for a kiss. Jeremy made a happy noise and pulled away. “So, so lucky.”

They went to their respective rooms soon after that, ready to sleep from the alcohol and the heavy food. Still, before Laila fell asleep, she pulled Sara’s arm around her, feeling safe and warm and loved and knowing that they’d made it.


	60. The Trojans

Jean knew that the Trojans were prone to ridiculous endeavors which masqueraded as team building, but this honestly took the cake. He had forgotten about the team’s plan for Valentine’s Day and wanted no part in the ensuing shenanigans. They said the day was about “team love” and were forgoing any romantic plans, but Jean still didn’t see the point in making such a huge fuss.

It looked like the living room had exploded into a mess of sheets, blankets, and pillows, while two of his teammates, Tyler and Aiden, attempted to rig some metal of unknown origin together to hold the sheets up. Alvarez was bossing people around, telling them how to arrange the pillows, while Laila emerged from their little kitchen area with a plate of heart-shaped cookies. She waved at Jean in greeting before continuing to scurry about. 

He had no idea where their fearless leader was, but he was more than a little peeved that Jeremy had not clued him into the disaster waiting in the living room. As Jean was pondering what choice words to give him, Jeremy appeared at the door with enough pizzas to feed a small army-or a collegiate Exy team.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” he announced, smile even wider than usual.

Jean rolled his eyes and headed for the stairs. He hadn’t been aware that coming to the Trojans meant essentially moving into a frat house, but his idea of a good Saturday was going the hell to sleep.

“Jean,” Jeremy called, “Where are you going?”

Jean sighed and tried pointedly to avoid looking at Jeremy, where he knew the puppy eyes would be in full force. “Sleep. Bed.”

“Look, I know we’re loud...but I can get them to be quieter! We’re just gonna watch movies, eat some food...we made a blanket fort. Just stay for a few minutes. Please?”

Jean leaned against the railing. “A blanket fort?”

Jeremy’s eyes lit up. “Come see!”

Jean sighed and followed him to the center of the room, where the team was huddled under the blanket fixture with pizza and cookies.

“Come on Cap! Frenchie! We can’t start the movie until everyone’s here!” Alvarez yelled from her spot.

Jean looked skeptical, but she patted the spot in front of her and continued. “We saved room specifically for your giraffe legs. Come on.”  
Jean stared unimpressed until Laila piped up, “Come on, dude. It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s tradition. We make everyone on the team feel loved, watch stupid movies and eat junk. One night of letting yourself have fun won’t kill you.”

A freshman Jean was fairly sure was named Dana added, “When you talk during practice, you’re pretty funny. We think your movie comments would be pretty good.” At Jean’s raised eyebrow, she paused. “Oh God, please don’t punch me.”

Jean’s lips quirked up into a smile. “Fine. One movie.”

He crawled into the fort to the whoops and cheers of his team. The movie was a horrible rom-com and true to form, Jeremy and Laila cried while Jean and Alvarez made snarky comments. He still didn’t think that team building meant anything, but it was far from the worst night of his life.


	61. Jerejean- Jealous Jean

Jean was having one of those days. It was different from a bad day, which was probably the most alarming part about it. Bad days were easily identifiable from the way they made him hole up in his head, forgetting where he was and who was there.

This feeling was the opposite, a hyperawareness of every bit of his surroundings, every person he came into contact with. For instance, right now he could see another backliner, Jake, laughing with Jeremy, hand on his shoulder and leaning toward him. Almost intimately close.

Jean closed his eyes against the glare of the sun and tried cataloging the reasons why this sight might bother him. He could be projecting his aversion to touch onto Jeremy. Jeremy was so effortlessly good, so naturally trusting, that Jean doubted he would even notice if someone had ill intentions toward him. That’s not to say Jean thought Jeremy was stupid; he just knew that people who grew up without reason to be afraid of people often weren’t until it was too late.

That surge of protectiveness led him to think about whether his protectiveness was just an extension of his codependency left over from his time with the Ravens. But that didn’t make sense either. He didn’t feel like his life was entwined with Jeremy’s. He didn’t feel a sense of responsibility for him. His brow furrowed.

As he considered this puzzling feeling, he watched Jeremy rub the back of his neck in the way he did when he was flustered. Maybe, Jean thought, he should go join them, make sure Jeremy wasn’t uncomfortable-

“Jealous much?”

Jean whirled around to see Alvarez standing next to him with an eyebrow raised.

“What?” he replied, annoyed.

“You’ve been glaring at the back of Jake’s head for like a full minute. Either you suddenly really hate the guy or you’re jealous.”

“And why would I be jealous of Jake?”

Alvarez looked at him like he was a particularly dense child that she pitied. “If you don’t know, then I can’t help you.”

As he looked back over at the pair, Jake’s hand had drifted from Jeremy’s shoulder to his forearm and Jeremy was nodding along to whatever he was saying. Jean turned away and threw himself into drills, ignoring the strange hollow feeling in his chest.

\--

Years later, at a professional banquet, Jean walked in hand in hand with Jeremy. They had been together for 2 years and Jean looked down at the engagement ring on his finger and smiled. He never dreamed he would be this happy, but after moving in with Jeremy after graduation, they had moved from an easy friendship to an easier relationship.

As Jean was reminiscing, he heard Jeremy make a noise of recognition to his right.

“Jake!” 

Jean let go so Jeremy could hug his old friend. 

“It’s been ages!”

“I know!” Jake affirmed. “You look good, Jere.”

Jean may have been clueless in the early days, but now he knew why he was jealous and moved to make his presence known. He curled a protective arm around Jeremy’s waist, and Jeremy immediately relaxed into his hold.

“Jean! You look good too, buddy,” Jake added obliviously.

Jean gave a curt nod and stood there as they caught up, interjecting when necessary. He wasn’t actually agitated; he knew Jeremy was committed and happy with him. Still, Jake’s demeanor with Jeremy had always made him uneasy and he was eager to get this exchange over with. 

Once they said their goodbyes, Jean ushered them over to a private corner so he could draw Jeremy in for a deep, reassuring kiss.

Jeremy drew back smiling and breathless. “Whoa, caveman. Not that I’m complaining, but…”

Jean glanced to the side, embarrassed. Jeremy, as per usual, understood what Jean couldn’t say and smiled softly before cupping Jean’s cheeks. “Love,” he started, “You know you have nothing to worry about.”

“I know,” Jean answered softly.

“Good,” Jeremy said, pecking Jean’s cheek. He laced his hands with Jean’s, leading them back to the main area.

After a slight pause, Jeremy added teasingly, “If you wanted to use some of that energy when dancing with me tonight, though, I wouldn’t say no.”

Jean followed eagerly, excited to get the pomp and circumstance of the event out of the way so he could spend time with his love. Jeremy attracted people to him in droves, but his special smiles and deepest joys were reserved for Jean. This man would probably be the death of him, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.


	62. Jerejean- Impossible Sunshine

It’s 11 PM and Jean has read the same sentence over 10 times. Jeremy is next to him, engrossed in his own book and none the wiser to Jean’s inner turmoil. Jean tries to shut off his brain and convince himself that everything’s fine, but it’s not and the more effort he puts into shutting out the world, the more in his head he gets and the worse his headache becomes. Eventually, he gives up pretending that he’s going to make any progress and lays the book on the night table next to his side of the bed.

Jeremy notices (of course he does- he notices everything Jean works so hard to hide) and dog ears his page, a habit Jean complains about often, but secretly finds endearing.

“You barely turned a page all night.” So he did notice. “What’s going on?”

Jean lay still for a moment before propping himself up on one elbow facing Jeremy. He sees Jeremy’s brow furrowed in concern. Ah. And there it was, the reason for Jean’s troubles. It seemed like every day Jean was confronted with how much Jeremy cared about him and every day he was perplexed. What good, what happiness could Jeremy possibly get out of dealing with his issues all day?

Jean sighs and leans forward to brush his lips against Jeremy’s forehead. “It’s nothing.”

Jeremy casts him an exasperated look. “It’s not nothing. You’re upset.”

Jean counted to 10 inside his head as he considered how he wanted to answer. Finally, he asks, “What do you get out of this?”

Jeremy moves, a bit taken aback. “Out of our relationship?”

“Yes.” 

Jeremy sits up and faces Jean fully, taking one of his hands and rolling it in his thoughtfully. “Are you asking why I love you?”

Jean didn’t know how to answer. Asking felt selfish, needy, another thing he was taking from Jeremy.

Jeremy tips Jean’s chin back up so he was looking at him. “Well...you make me laugh. Like when you gave that speech before the game last week impersonating Kevin?”

Jean nods. He doesn’t remember what inspired that, other than wanting to make Jeremy relax before a tense game. 

“And you’re sweet,” Jeremy continues. “I can count on one hand the number of guys who have even remembered my birthday and you bought me those roses the other day because it was a Tuesday and you thought of me.”

Jean remembered that day. Jeremy’s smile had lit up the entire room. They currently sat in a vase in their living room where Jeremy took painstaking care of them, as he did everything else in his life.

Jeremy blushes. “And the way you kiss me- you know how sometimes the sun will be shining even when it’s pouring rain. That’s what kissing you is like. It’s impossible sunshine, Jean.”

Jean didn’t have the words to tell Jeremy just how much he loved him, so he takes Jeremy’s face in his hands and and kisses him with everything he has. 

When they pull away, Jeremy laughs a little breathlessly. “Just like that. What’s my name again?”

Jean smiles and nudges him lightly before rolling them over so Jeremy is in his arms. “I love you, mon ange.”

And watching how peacefully Jeremy sleeps in his arms, he can believe, a little bit, that he’s good for Jeremy.


	63. Jerejean- the Letter

The day Jean gets sent to Evermore, it’s a Sunday.

He’s a tall, lanky kid with dark hair and gray eyes that look perpetually probing and a little sad, but he has freckles that make him look young and he loves the seas and the sunshine and playing on the grass with his maman and his little sister.

He doesn’t quite know what’s happening, but he sees his parents fight and he’s old enough to know, as he holds his sister tight, that it’s about money and that he’s just another mouth to feed. Jean Moreau’s father is a gambler and Jean learns very early that you either have luck or you don’t. He isn’t naive enough, even at ten, to think that he’s a lucky bet. 

In the end, he’s just collateral in a game that was stacked against him from the beginning.

\--

It’s a Sunday when he gets the letter.

He’s tossing bills and junk mail into the little bins Jeremy designated for each in his neat handwriting when he feels the heavy envelope. It’s like cardstock and he struggles not to drop it when he recognizes the handwriting on the front.

\--

Jeremy gets home from the store and is greeted by the sight of half the mail strewn across the floor. He starts to feel concerned, but it doesn’t fully hit until he sees Jean sitting at the kitchen table with his face void of expression.

Jeremy quietly sits in the chair next to him. “Are you alright?”

Jean shakes his head and doesn’t look at him as he places a letter in Jeremy’s hand. He reads over it and frowns. Jean hadn’t spoken to his parents in 18 years. 

“They want money,” Jean spat and Jeremy hadn’t heard his voice that raw and hollow since the first time they met.

“Jean…”

When Jean looks at him, it occurs to him that he’s never seen Jean cry before now in the seven years he’s known him. It breaks his heart and he takes Jean’s hand in his and squeezes.

Jean pulls him and the angle is awkward, but Jeremy doesn’t dare let go as Jean buries his face in the crook of his neck and lets out a series of broken sobs. 

After a few minutes, he wears himself out and they sink to the floor. Jeremy thumbs over Jean’s eyes and Jean takes a shaky breath. “I’m sorry...I just…”

Jeremy shushes him. “It was a long time coming.”

Jean nods. “I hadn’t thought about them in years.”

“You don’t owe them anything.”

Jean looks away and Jeremy continues gently, but firmly, “No. They are not your problem. You are so strong and good and you did it all without them. You have a family, with me and your teams and you will continue to be amazing and they don’t get a say in that.”

Jean smiled a little. “You just can’t let go of the captain in you.”

Jeremy laughs and leans his head against his shoulder. “It was a good pep talk!”

Jean takes his hands in his. “Thank you, my love.”

They sat on the floor for a bit longer before Jeremy said, “So are we burning the letter or shredding it?”

It was so unlike Jeremy that Jean let out a startled laugh. “What?”

Jeremy curled into Jean and pressed small kisses to the hollow of his throat. “No one gets to hurt you anymore. I won’t let them.”

Jean hid his smile in Jeremy’s hair and said, “My angel. I adore you.”

In the end, the letter was returned to sender with one dollar inside and a note saying, “More than you deserve. Spend wisely.”


	64. Jeremy and Jean- Family

His first year with the Trojans, Jean spent Christmas with Renee and her mother, learning what a happy family was like and seeing their cozy nook of the world. Now, though, she was a world away in the Peace Corps and Jean had to put away his happy thoughts of another nice, quiet holiday. It was fine though. He was used to being alone for the holidays.

He was planning on just staying in the dorms and catching up on sleep, but when he mentioned it to Jeremy when they were talking on Skype, the other man looked at him like he had just announced a worldwide ban on the holiday.

“You’re gonna stay there alone? Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Jean knew Jeremy meant well, but he was slightly affronted. He had gotten better at being independent slowly but surely. Still, he had to admit the idea of spending two weeks in total isolation was nerve-wracking. 

Jeremy’s face softened. “Sorry. I know you can do it I just...I miss you. We haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time together. You should come home with me. No one should be alone for Christmas. It’s a Knox family rule.”

Jean smiled a little at that. “I’m fairly certain there are few people who disagree with that rule.”

He received a full Jeremy pout in return. “Seriously, though. Will you come?”

Jean paused. “You really want me to meet your family?”

“Yeah, dude! They’ll love you! My little brother is actually a pretty big fan…”

Jean’s mouth quirked up. “Is that so?”

“For sure! It’ll be fun. Like old times. I miss hanging out with you.”

Jean’s heart skipped a bit at the idea of Jeremy missing him and he knew he missed Jeremy as well. And part of him did want to see what kind of household could create someone like Jeremy.

“Alright,” he said with a smile, “When are you picking me up?”

\--

The ride to Jeremy’s house was far less awkward than he imagined, with Jeremy’s off key singing voice and their easy banter filling the ride. By the time they pulled up to the little farmhouse Jeremy grew up in, Jean was hardly aware of how much time had passed.

Jeremy hesitated uncharacteristically in the car for a moment before saying, “And you know what you’re in for?”

Jean smiled. “If they’re anything like you, I know exactly what to expect.”

Jeremy chuckled lightly and said, “I don’t know if that was a compliment or not, but I’m gonna take it as one.”

Jean’s smile widened and he followed Jeremy into the house. Jeremy’s family was much like how Jean imagined them: welcoming, loud, joyful. His mother set Jeremy right to work with helping to get dinner ready, while she made polite conversation with Jean in the living room. 

The quiet peace only lasted a short while before Jeremy’s younger siblings rushed down the stairs. He recognized them from stories as the twins, Becky and Cody.

Cody froze at the foot of the stairs when he saw Jean. “Whoa.”

He immediately felt self-conscious, assuming the boy was staring at his scars. 

Instead, though, he cried out, “You’re Jean!”

It threw Jean a bit, to hear his name said like it mattered to someone. “Did Jeremy mention me?”

“No! But you played for the Ravens! They’re my favorite!”

Jean felt his heart seize, but managed to keep his voice steady as he answered, “Really?”

“Yeah! Kevin and Riko are so cool...why did you get rid of your 3?”

Jean started to count to 10 so he could come up with an answer that wouldn’t scar a six year old, but thankfully Jeremy came in and said, “Cody! Manners, geez.”

Cody looked at Jeremy and asked, “Why couldn’t you have played for the Ravens? They’re cool.”

Jean sighed before crouching down to Cody’s height. “Do you want to hear a secret?”

Cody nodded.

“Your brother is way, way cooler than Riko. And he’s better. And their team is so much better. You’re lucky that he never played for the Ravens. But it’s our secret, right?”

Cody nodded with wide eyes. “If I practice, I wanna be as good as you.”

Jeremy laughed. “Jean is really good. But maybe if you’re good, he’ll give you some pointers, huh, buddy?”

Cody smiled and yelled, “I’ll go get my stuff!” before running upstairs.

Jeremy sighed, his smile wiping away. “I’m sorry about all that. I didn’t know he was gonna react like that.”

“It’s fine,” Jean answered. “It’s uncomfortable, but I can hear his name. I’ve been working on it in therapy. Being afraid of a name just gives him power. Besides, everything I said was true. You were a far better captain than Riko. Your brother’s lucky to have you as an example.”

“Did I just get a compliment from Jean Moreau? I’m honored,” Jeremy fake swooned.

Jean batted at Jeremy’s arm. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

As they practiced in the backyard, Jeremy beamed at him and Jean couldn’t help the happy rush at the idea of feeling family, here with Jeremy.


	65. Jerejean- Banquets

Jean loved and hated banquets. On one hand, it was a prime excuse to see Jeremy dressed up and to have Jeremy’s hands on him, lingering a bit too long at his collar when he helped straighten Jean’s tie.

On the other hand, they made him uneasy for a lot of reasons. The large crowds were one thing, but being with Jeremy at social events made him feel inadequate and awkward. Jeremy flitted effortlessly from person to person, while Jean only managed to make people uncomfortable with his scars. Jeremy always welcomed him into the conversations and knew without asking when to pull him aside for alone time, but eventually Jean was just left feeling like he was holding Jeremy back.

Tonight, for instance, Jeremy was talking to a fellow striker, who was nearly as energetic and cheerful as Jeremy. They fed off each other’s enthusiasm and Jean watched as Jeremy laughed, his smile exploding across his face.

“You should visit Denver sometime, Knox,” the other striker started, “Lots of hiking, great people. You’d love it.”

Jeremy smiled again and answered, “For sure! We’re kind of homebodies, but if we’re ever in the area, we’ll let you know!”

Jean didn’t think he imagined the frown on the other man’s face, but he didn’t spare too much thought on that. He was too focused on how Jeremy’s smile was so much brighter here than the soft smile he wore at home with Jean. Maybe Jeremy would be happier with someone more like him, with someone who was less of a burden…

“Babe?” Jeremy cut in, face creased with concern. “Are you okay? Do you want to leave?”

Jean shook his head. “You’re having fun.”

Jeremy grinned. “It’s really not a problem. I have fun whenever I’m with you.”

Instead of making him feel better, Jeremy’s words only served to make Jean’s lips pull tighter into a grimace.

Jeremy took his hand and pulled him over to an alcove where they could talk. “Jean...what’s going on?”

Jean exhaled, knowing he and Jeremy communicated with each other, even when it was hard. “You seem so happy at these things and I just- I don’t want to keep you from things that make you happy. You always have to leave because of me or turn people down.”

Jeremy looked at him and wound his arms around Jean’s waist. “Querido...i would much rather be at home with you, cuddling and laughing at some dumb movie than schmoozing with these people. If I truly wanted to go with them, I would. Don’t you know I adore you?”

Jean smiled and kissed Jeremy’s hand. “As do I, mon coeur.”

Jeremy pressed up on his toes to kiss Jean. “Dance with me before we go?”

Jean nodded and let Jeremy pull him to the dance floor and held him close. He felt Jeremy shiver and as Jeremy rested his head against his chest, he let himself accept that he was Jeremy’s and Jeremy was irrevocably his.


	66. Jerejean- Wisdom Teeth

Jean sat in the waiting room, flipping through a boring tabloid that happened to be the only thing available at the office. He knew he should have brought his book, but Jeremy’s nervous energy had distracted him.

Jeremy was getting his wisdom teeth removed and he had asked Jean to be the one to go with so he had someone to drive him home. Jean checked his phone, to see it had been an hour and Jeremy should be getting out soon. Sure enough, the nurse came in shortly after to announce that he was in recovery.

Jean went back to see Jeremy laying back in the chair, a dazed smile on his face and cotton in his mouth. “Heeeey,” he drawled, “It’s my person.”

Jean smiled at that. “I’m right here, Jere. Ready to go?”

Jeremy nodded and the nurse handed Jean some papers. “These are the instructions for how he should take care of his mouth. I trust you’ll go over it with him?” Jean nodded and listened as she went through them, batting Jeremy’s hands away from where they were poking Jean’s arms. He smiled apologetically at the nurse as she asked where they wanted the prescription sent and gave them the okay to leave. 

Before Jean turned the car on, Jeremy looked up at him with big eyes and asked, “Are you mad at me?”

“No...no, Jere, I’m not mad at you. I just had to listen to the nurse.”

“Do you-like her more than me?”

“What?”

Jeremy put on an exaggerated pout and stared out the window. Jean looked at him and, if only because he knew Jeremy wouldn’t remember once the anesthesia wore off, said, “Jeremy Knox. You are my best friend. There isn’t another person I would rather drive home from the oral surgeon’s. You’re- you’re my person too.”

Before he could blink, there was a warm Jeremy wrapped around him. Jean chuckled and brought his arms around him in a hug. “Better?”

Jeremy nodded.

They didn’t talk about it later, even when Jeremy asked how embarrassing he had been, but as he sat on the couch later watching a movie, with Jeremy’s head resting on his shoulder, he realizes everything he said was true.


	67. Jerejean-Family

Over the last four years, Jean had become very familiar with Jeremy’s family. They had been welcoming, inviting him over for every holiday, and Jean had grown to see why Jeremy spoke of the cramped farm house with such fondness. He liked holiday mornings helping Jeremy’s mother cook, when the rest of the house was asleep and things were quiet before the explosion of activity that surrounded the Knoxes.

Perhaps that was why Jean’s stomach was in knots as he waited with Jeremy to tell her about the progression of their relationship. If she didn’t approve, he knew what he stood to lose. His thoughts jumped automatically to how he wasn’t good enough for Jeremy, how surely they were okay with Jean as a sort of pet project for Jeremy, but not a genuine prospect for a long term relationship.

“Babe?” Jeremy asked, pulling him out of his reverie. His face softened upon seeing Jean’s panicked look and he continued, “You know we don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

Jean knew Jeremy was looking out for him, but despite his better instincts, he was willing to trust that it would be okay. So Jean shook his head and answered, “It’s important to you, which makes it important to me. And I like your family.”

Jeremy squeezed his hand and smiled. “They like you too.” 

With that, they headed inside and were greeted with the customary Knox cheer, laughter and copious hugs. After a bit of catching up, they sat on the couch and Jeremy sighed before saying, “Mama? We have something to tell you.”

She nodded and said, “Of course, baby. Anything.”

Jeremy laughed nervously before saying, “Jean and I...we’re...we’ve been dating for a few months. It’s getting pretty serious, so we thought you should know.”

Jean’s heart stopped waiting for her reaction, but a smile spread across her face. “And he makes you happy?”

Jeremy nodded quickly. “So happy, Mama. You have no idea.”

She turned to Jean and he prepared himself for a speech about how she expected him to treat Jeremy well, but instead all she said was, “And he makes you happy?”

Jean took a moment to answer, but eventually managed to eke out, “I-yes. I’m happier with your son than I’ve ever been.”

She moved forward and pulled them both into a hug. “Well, then that’s all I need to hear. I had hoped you would get your act together, what with the way you were dancing around each other at Christmas time, but of course I didn’t want to push…”

“Mom!” Jeremy exclaimed.

“I’m just saying, you’re not very subtle, Jeremy dear.”

While Jeremy’s cheeks reddened, Jean said, “It’s alright. You’re not wrong. I had feelings for him then. I’m just glad we finally acted on them.”

Jeremy looked up from where he had buried his face in a pillow. “You liked me at Christmas?”

Jeremy’s mom patted his cheek. “Oh, my sweet boy.”

Jeremy groaned. “I should’ve known the two of you as a united front would be terrible.”

Looking at Jeremy’s face, embarrassed, but happy, Jean knew they would be alright. They had family and love and everything they needed and Jean would hold on forever.


	68. Jean and Neil- Banquet

When Jean met Neil Josten, he thought it was circumstance or jealousy that made him dislike the short redhead. Neither of them had been in the best place last winter, but with time and a few life-threatening experiences, Jean had changed for the better and with any luck, perhaps Neil had as well.

It took one meeting at the following year’s Christmas banquet to show that was not the case. Neil Josten was definitely still an asshole. 

As soon as Minyard left to find them drinks, Neil greeted Jean with, “Got a plane ticket in your pocket for me this year?”

Jean glowered at him. “Sadly for you, I have more pleasant plans for my winter break than babysitting you this year.”

Because he was infuriating, Neil laughed at that. “California gave you a sense of humor?”

“California is...a lot of things.”

“I know. You still talk to Renee. She makes it sound like you’re doing well. Are you?”

“You care?” Jean asked.

Neil shrugged. “I owe you. For keeping me alive.”

Jean nodded. “Despite your best efforts it seems. But we both did what we had to do.”

Neil seemed as eager to change the subject as Jean and said, “Your new team is good.”

Jean scoffed. “Some of them have potential.”

Neil hummed. “Good to know. So you’re saying we stand a chance to beat you in finals.”

Jean bristled at that. “You wish.”

At that, Jean heard a female voice say, “Sorry, who’s beating who?” Alvarez. “Neil, right?” she added.

“Yeah,” Neil said, moving to shake her hand. “And you’re Sara Alvarez, backliner. You were my mark at last year’s semi final.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Good memory. Well, I don’t know about you, but I think a rematch is a strong possibility.”

Jean caught the competitive glint in Neil’s eyes as he shot back, “So eager to lose again?”

Alvarez picked at her nails and said, “I don’t think so. See, last year we had a common enemy. But now we don’t and plus, we have a weapon we didn’t have last year. You may have good offense, but your defense is weak and we have the best backliner in the game, so.”

Neil’s lips curled into a smile. “I guess we’ll see then.” He nodded at Jean as he left to rejoin his team and Jean reciprocated the gesture. Alvarez sat next to him and handed him a beer. He took a long drink and looked at her.

“Jeremy’s going to give you the disapproving stare if he hears you antagonized another team.”

Alvarez rolled her eyes. “Jeremy is not here right now. Besides, the Foxes need to know who they’re messing with.”

Jean took another sip. “Neil knows exactly who he’s dealing with.”

She fake gasped. “Was that a faint hint of team spirit from Jean Moreau? Stop the presses!”

He nudged her shoulder, but found that he was laughing. At the end of the day, he was glad Neil had found his family just as Jean had found his, strange as they were.


	69. Kevin and Jean- Bad

Jean has no clue whose idea it was to invite Kevin for a weekend with the Trojans, but he hates them.

It’s for some promotional event, what with how Kevin was “such a big fan” of USC and with how eager the press was to see Jean and Kevin back together again. What made it worse was the fact that Jeremy seemed genuinely excited, though he assured Jean that no one would make him play with Kevin if he wasn’t comfortable.

He went with Jeremy to pick Kevin up at the airport and between Jeremy’s excited chatter about the upcoming season and Kevin’s obvious heart eyes for Jeremy, Jean was thankfully able to remain quiet for most of the ride back to campus. Once they arrived and Jeremy left to tell Coach Rhemann Kevin was there though, Jean’s luck ran out.

“How are you healing?” Kevin asked. 

Jean didn’t have the capacity to pretend he was speaking out of friendly concern and gave him the answer he really wanted. “I can play.”

Kevin nodded and continued, “And you’re adjusting? I know life outside can be-”

“I’m doing as well as I can,” Jean cut him off. “The Trojans are overly concerned with being friendly, but I know I’m not alone.”

Kevin’s face changed back to that of the scared boy Jean knew when they were thirteen and things hadn’t quite gone to shit yet. “Jean...you know I did this to help you.”

“If you wanted to help me, you would have taken me with you when you left. Do not pretend like you’re looking out for anyone but yourself.”

Kevin swallowed and looked away as Jean turned to see Jeremy getting back. “You guys okay?” he asked, brow furrowed.

Jean nodded. “We’re fine, Jeremy.”

“Okay...Jean, do you want to help me bring Kevin’s bags back to our room?”

Jeremy could carry the bags himself, he knew, but he was giving Jean the option of an out. He smiled softly. “I’m okay here. Someone needs to watch Kevin.”

Jeremy grinned back. “I’ll be back down in a sec!”

Jean had clearly forgotten himself and let his guard down in the past few months because it took all of three seconds for Kevin to read the emotions on his face. He switched into French and said, “You’re interested in him.”

Jean shot back, “Jealous? He isn’t yours, you know.”

Kevin flushed, but continued. “I’m just saying. If you plan to make Court, you have to be careful.”

Jean frowned. Kevin was here, in his space, speaking his language, acting like he could waltz right back into Jean’s life and it made all the rage from the past two years bubble up inside him.

He turned to him coldly and said, “You don’t have the right to tell me how to live my life. If I want to play for Court, if I want to let you back in, if I want to be with every man in the universe, that’s my decision, not yours.”

Kevin looked taken aback, but pursed his lips before asking, “And this crush doesn’t have anything to do with what Riko did to…”

“No, you asshole. For once in my life, I have something that has nothing to do with you or Riko.”

Kevin looked like he was about to answer, when a small voice said in French, “Um...are you coming to practice, Jean?”

Kevin looked alarmed, but Jean knew Patrick wouldn’t say anything. He was another backliner and Jean had been teaching him so they could communicate on the court.

With one final glance at Kevin, Jean said, “Yeah. I’m coming,” and left him to wait for Jeremy.


	70. Jean and Kevin- Olympics

Jean’s been out of the Nest for five years when he gets the call inviting him to the US court. He sits on the decision for two weeks before accepting, against everything he’d thought he would do when the call came. Exy is still the noose dangled loosely around his neck, but the simple fact that he has a choice is enough to tip him in the direction of yes. Besides, if there was anything he worked and bled for his entire life, it was his right to be on that team. So he packs up his things, gets on a plane with Jeremy and moves into the Olympic Village for the summer.

It’s an adjustment, meshing such a large group of talent into one cohesive team. He, Kevin and Thea are the only former Ravens, so while Jean doesn’t exactly relish the idea of being near the two of them all their palpable sexual tension, he flocks toward their sense of focus and organization. He and Thea always worked decently well together and he and Kevin fall back into their seamless communication faster than Jean would have expected. That being said, they don’t talk outside of practice. Jean sticks to the ex-Trojans and Kevin is attached to Josten and Minyard and it works. 

The night before the opening ceremony, they have a day off to rest. Jeremy’s off sightseeing, so Jean decides to go find somewhere to get a drink. As luck would have it, Kevin’s there, sitting alone at the bar. Jean sits next to him and stares straight ahead, saying, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to find you here.”

Kevin takes another long sip. “I’m a little surprised to see you, though. You hate drinking.”

“I hate drinking bad alcohol,” Jean corrects, “Which you drink in abundance.”

“Pretentious,” Kevin shoots back.

“I’m European; of course I am.”

Kevin snorts and sips some more while Jean takes his drink from the bartender. Once he’s taken a drink, Jean says, “Where are your attachments?”

Kevin rolls his eyes. “Neil and Andrew kicked me out so they could fuck. And Thea is out, but I didn’t want to be with a lot of people.”

Jean nods. “It’s strange for you. Being here without him.”

And this was why Jean could never really push Kevin out, as hard as he tried. They would always understand each other in a way no one else could.

Kevin takes a deep breath and says, “I know how much you hated him. And me. And you have every right to…”

“But it was supposed to be the three of us here.”

Kevin nodded. When it fell silent, Jean sighed and said, “I don’t hate you, Kevin.”

Kevin looked at him and in as sincere an apology as Kevin could give, said, “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

Jean finished the rest of his drink in a neat swig and said, “Come on. We’re going back to my room and doing something that normal friends do. I don’t know what that is, but we’ll figure it out.”

Kevin looked hesitant, but Jean cajoled him, saying, “Jeremy will be there later.”

That got Kevin moving, but Jean cautioned him, “He’s still my boyfriend.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t look,” Kevin mumbled, as though afraid Jean would call the whole thing off.

Jean just laughed raucously and said, “I forgot how fucking weird you are.”

Jeremy came back that night to find the two of them each with a bottle of wine watching a movie. He smiled and crawled in next to Jean. “I pick next movie.”


	71. Kevin- Disappointment

The first time Kevin sees Jeremy Knox, it’s like seeing the sun. He doesn’t pause to think about the fact that he might just be finding substitutes wherever he can, considering he gets about five minutes of real sunlight in a two week span. But he’s watching a special on the front runners for the upcoming NCAA draft and this kid-this man-immediately draws Kevin’s eye. Kevin knows talent and he’s got it and he feels his heart rate pick up and draws his laptop closer. He moves like water around backliners and Kevin is entranced.

Kevin really knows he’s fucked, though, when he hears him talk. He’s smiling so hard it looks like he’s glowing and there’s a sparkle in his eyes when he talks about Exy. It reminds him of summers a long time ago, when Exy was a game instead of life, when his mother talked to reporters about what she dreamed it to be and held him on her hip. He seemed like everything he could have been, what he was supposed to be.

He jumps when he feels the dip of his bed as Jean sits next to him. He doesn’t understand how someone so huge manages to move like a ghost. “Don’t even think about it,” Jean says, “He would be eaten alive here and you know it. This isn’t the place for people like him.”

At seeing them talk, Riko takes his headphones out just as Kevin argues feebly, “He’s good. And he’s fast. We can train him right.”

Riko scoffs. “He looks twelve.”

Kevin is interested in his life, so he bites down the voice that tells him that Riko looks twelve too. Instead, he tries again, saying, “We have a lot of power. But he’s so graceful.”

“We’re not recruiting for strikers,” Riko says, putting his headphones back in.

Jean murmurs quietly in French, “Don’t be so selfish that you actively ruin someone’s life. You know he wouldn’t make it.”

Jeremy signs to USC. Kevin misses the sun.

\--

Kevin learns about ‘Jerejean’ from Neil of all people, who learned it from Andrew, who learned it from Renee. He knows Jean doesn’t owe him anything, that he doesn’t have the right to know anything about Jean’s personal life, but the fact that he was last to know still stings.

He puts on an annoyed face and says, “Gossip is for small people” before retreating to his room. It doesn’t bother him.

\--

The first time he sees Jean after the story breaks is at a banquet and he debates whether to actually talk to him for about three whole minutes. It’s none of his business, but he and Jean were friends once and he wants to make this right. 

He takes a deep breath and walks over to Jean at the bar. “Are the rumors true?”

Jean sighs. “If you’re here to harangue me about public image, I want you know that there is nothing I care less about in-”

“I’m not. I just wanted to say I’m happy for you.”

Jean freezes. “Really?” he asks skeptically.

“Yes. I don’t-I never wanted anything bad to happen to you, Jean. I know it will never be me, but I’m glad you’ve found people you can trust.”

Jean nods slowly. “And it doesn’t bother you that you basically hand-delivered me to your undying love?”

Kevin’s cheeks flame. “If you tell him-”

Jean smirks. “You’re so predictable. But no, I haven’t told him. Because I know you were never really in love with him.”

When Jean walks away, Kevin orders some very strong alcohol and lets himself mope before Neil pulls him into a debate on potential trades. He takes one last look at Jean smiling at Jeremy before turning back to his family. Jean had found his sunshine and Kevin had his. Maybe they would be alright after all.


	72. Jerejean- Drunk Flirting

Jean and Jeremy didn’t drink much. Alcohol dependency was a big thing in the Nest and Jeremy didn’t like not being in control of himself, so they usually stuck to a bottle of wine over dinner or a beer after a long day, but not really barhopping.

That said, after a particularly brutal away game won by a hair, they can’t find it in themselves to turn down their teammates’ invitations to go out for a few drinks. Jean sticks by the bar front, nursing a rum and coke and people watching. Jeremy, ever the social butterfly, though, ends up going shot for shot with another striker on the team, never able to back down from a challenge. Jean has half a mind to remind him they’re not in college anymore, but Jeremy’s an adult and Jean trusts him to know his limits.

Once they’ve been there for a while, Jeremy wobbily saunters over to him. “Heyyyy, good looking.”

Jean bites back a laugh. “Hi, sweetheart. Having fun?”

Jeremy nods, but looks suddenly bashful. “Yeah...but my friends told me I should go try to get the hot guy’s number, so, uh...are you taken?”

Jean still thought Jeremy was being silly and flirty, so he answered, “I am. He’s pretty great.”

Instead of laughing though, Jeremy’s face fell and he just squeaked out and “Oh...well, I’m...I’m sorry I bothered you.”

He turned to walk away, but Jean grabbed his hand to pull him back. “Jere...I was kidding. It’s me. Jean? Your boyfriend?”

Jeremy got wide eyed. “Jean! Oh...oh my god. Guys! It’s my boyfriend!”

Jean smiled warily and pulled him into his lap. “I think you’ve had enough, babe. Time for sleep.”

Jeremy nosed his way into Jean’s neck and giggled. “Kay.”

Jean waved to their team and helped Jeremy stumble back to their hotel and into bed.

\--

The next morning, Jeremy’s head pounded. He smiled a little when he saw the water and Advil on the side table. Jean always took care of him.

He rolled carefully out of bed and found Jean on the balcony, sipping his coffee. Jeremy wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on the muscles between his shoulder blades. He felt the rumble of Jean’s laugh before he said, “Morning, baby. How does it feel to go home with the hot guy from the bar?”

Jeremy groaned and shoved at Jean’s arm lightly. “Don’t make fun of me. I had so much tequila.”

Jean turned around and kissed him lightly on the forehead. “I know. How do you feel?”

“Like I got run over by a truck. But we have a few hours until a flight and it’s nothing a good brunch can’t fix.”

Jean grabbed his hand to pull him back into the room. “Then we better get working. We’ve got to find the best pancakes in the city.”

Jeremy leaned up to kiss Jean, and Jean kissed back despite the fact that he probably tasted like death. “I can’t imagine a better morning, my love.”


	73. Kevin- Retirement

When Kevin imagined his future, Exy was predictably a prominent feature. He imagined playing well into his 40s- not out of arrogance, necessarily, but because the idea of not playing was simply incomprehensible.

He’s 34, though, when his hand starts cramping so badly he can’t move it the day after a game. He gets some exercises to do from his physical trainer and even phones Abby for her suggestions. It’s not enough though, and after that season, Neil is the one with him when the doctor says it would be best if he retired before he lost any more function in that hand. Neil makes a point of holding that hand when they walk out of the office, to remind him of all the other things his hand is good for. To remind him why retiring is worth it.

He and Andrew are both there when he officially announces his retirement: Andrew to help him cut through the crowd via the path of least resistance, and Neil to tell off any reporters who think it’s their right to speak to Kevin right now. The two weeks following are chaos. Neil runs out of excuses for why Kevin is unavailable for an interview and resorts to blowing a whistle in the phone speaker in lieu of saying hello.

“I can talk to them,” Kevin protests.

“I’m more willing to put Neil in front of a camera than you,” Andrew answers and that’s that.

The only call he actually picks up is Jeremy, who went through something similar a few years ago when he was forced into early retirement by a knee injury. It helps a bit, but Jeremy’s all the way out in California and can’t be available all the time.

Once the public interest dies down and the season starts, the depression really kicks in. He’s on his third week of sitting on the couch, acquainting himself with daytime TV when Andrew bodily drags him to the car, refusing to answer when kevin asks where they’re going. They finally stop at a community field, where a group of kids are standing nervously, some eerily quiet, some fighting, some avoiding eye contact entirely.

“I found you a team,” Andrew says, “Fix them.”

It turns out they’re from the foster agency Andrew volunteers at. He was too busy with his pro schedule to coach them, but he’d promised them the best and he’d delivered. It’s rocky at first, with Kevin not knowing how to adapt his coaching style to work for children, but they start getting better and so does Kevin.

The best day is when he organizes with his dad to have the kids do a mini-camp with the current Foxes. Kevin smiles his real smile in the team photo.


	74. Jerejean- Hurt

The way Jean plays Exy isn’t made to look pretty. Strikers are the ones who make the game look elegant, with fancy footwork and quick saves. Jean is there to essentially act as a human battering ram.

It takes the Trojans a while to adjust to his style in scrimmages and in turn, he learns that while he should give his best at practice, he’s not in competition with his teammates like he was with the Ravens. That being said, old habits die hard and when he gets frustrated or feels like he isn’t doing well enough, and feels Riko’s phantom eyes on his back, he gets aggressive.

One particular day, Jean wakes up and is immediately on edge. He had a wretched nightmare, he’s barely slept and he can feel the Nest’s influence in his bones. Jeremy shoots him nervous looks while they get their gear on, but Jean waves him off, already feeling guilty enough about how he had to kick Jeremy out of his bed in the middle of the night, too claustrophobic to have anyone near him.

He pulls his helmet on and makes his way to the court.

Warm-ups and drills go without a hitch, but once they start to scrimmage, Jean feels off. He makes stupid mistakes, letting one too many strikers past him. He compensates with harder checks, riskier blocks. Eventually, he’s so frustrated that when he sees someone coming toward him, his body tells him to step left, but his mind makes him hold his ground, frozen, as the person barrels into him.

They both hit the ground hard, but Jean mostly breaks the striker’s fall. They pull their helmet off and ask, “You okay?”

He started to sit up, but she holds him down. “You need to stay, you hit your head pretty hard.”

He huffed, annoyed. “I am fine.”

Jeremy ran over at that moment to check on the situation. Seeing that Angelina was fine, he turned to Jean. “We’re gonna send someone over to look, okay?”

Jean sat up, ignoring their balking. “There’s no need.”

Jeremy’s forehead creased in concern. “Jean...you could have a concussion.”

“I know what a concussion feels like. I’m alright.”

Jeremy sighed. “I would still prefer if you sat out the rest of practice. But it’s up to you.”

Jean felt something ease in his chest. “I can play.”

Jeremy nodded. “Okay. But I have to have someone check you out really quick.”

Jean agreed and they went through the check. “No concussion.”

\--

That night, Jean knew he and Jeremy would have to talk about all that transpired that day. Sure enough, Jeremy lasted two minutes before saying, “Listen, Jean, about practice…”

“It’s alright, Jeremy. I understand.”

“No, it isn’t. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want you to be hurt, but telling you what to do...I feel like him. And I don’t ever want to be that to you.”

“Riko would have made me play.”

“But am I any better if I still tell you what to do? I don’t want to act like I know what’s best.”

“You’re doing it because you care and it’s your job. He did it for control The difference is you don’t act like you have the right to tell me what to do off the field. I can differentiate the two.”

“I know, but-”

“Jere. Stop. I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me. The fact that we’re even having this conversation tells me that you’ll never be Riko.”

He patted the spot next to him until Jeremy hesitantly sat next to him. He leaned his head against Jean’s shoulder. “Does this mean I can sleep in your bed tonight?”

Jean chuckled and thought about how Jeremy immediately did what he asked, without question, at four in the morning and pulled him closer. “Of course.”

“Good,” came Jeremy’s muffled voice, “I missed you.”

Jean kissed his forehead. Bad days still happened, but he never had to face them alone.


	75. Lailvarez- Gummy Bears

“Give it back!” Laila yelled as Sara took off running across the court. 

“You’re gonna have to catch me!” Sara yelled back and Laila narrowed her eyes as she took on more speed. It was her last bag of gummy bears, the only thing that made eight hour summer practices worth it, and Sara had seen it, goten that telltale gleam in her eyes and ran off with them.

Laila was in incredible shape, but she had just been athletic for the last four hours since lunch in the hot California sun and she was exhausted. She bent over with her hands on her knees and took a deep breath before bellowing, “Sara Rosalia Alvarez. If you don’t get back here with my goddamn gummy bears, I swear to God.”

Sara smirked and and walked back over to Laila. “You’re cute when you’re mad, babe.”

“You’re an actual five year old.”

Sara held the bag over her head and Laila pouted. “You’re such a bitch!”

Sara exaggerated acting like she was thinking before saying, “Kiss me and I’ll give them back.”

Laila rolled her eyes and went up on her toes to drag Sara down by the back of her neck and kiss her soundly. She held her hand out and Sara dropped the bag of candy into her waiting palm. Laila popped one in her mouth and chewed grumpily.

“Are you mad at me?”

Laila looked up at her. “No. But you owe me a backrub.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And I pick the movie tonight.”

Sara huffed a laugh. “Any more requests, your highness?”

Laila thought for a moment and eventually said, “A pint of Rocky Road.”

Sara dropped into a deep fake bow. “Your wish is my command, my lady.”

Laila laughed and nudged her shoulder as Sara leaned back up. “You’re a dork.”

“But I’m your dork,” Sara answered, fluttering her eyelashes.

Laila rolled her eyes fondly. Sara was a lot of things: silly, exhausting, stubborn, and yes, occasionally bitchy. But Laila loved her joy, her warmth, her light. Jeremy was Captain Sunshine, but Laila bet Sara could give him a run for his money.

“Babe?” Sara said, pulling her out of her reverie. “Everything okay?”

Laila shook herself out of her thoughts. “Everything’s great. I was just thinking about how I’m gonna beat you back to the dorms.”

Sara gaped and yelled, “No way!” but Laila had already taken off. She had been incredibly tired a few minutes before, but it was amazing what competition and joy could do for her. She would crash the second she got back to their room, but she knew Sara would be there to catch her.

The Rocky Road wouldn’t hurt either.


	76. Kandreil- Jersey

“I’m not wearing that,” Kevin said with a haughty sneer.

Andrew managed to look irritated without changing a muscle in his face. “You said that if Neil scored against me three times in the last half of the game, you would wear his jersey in public. Now put it on before I put it on you.”

Neil was sure that would be the end of it, but Kevin, ever the stubborn jackass, wasn’t going down without a fight. “You let him get those goals. It’s hardly the attitude one should have as a professional athlete and honestly-”

Andrew cut him off by pressing one finger against his lips. “You agreed. Nod yes or no.”

Kevin rolled his eyes, but nodded. “Good. So I’m going to put this in simple terms you’ll understand. Jersey, on. Store, go. Ice cream, get. Got it?”

He removed his hand. “Got it,” Kevin said glumly.

“Good,” Andrew answered and flopped back down on the couch. He waved a hand dismissively and Neil handed Kevin the garment. 

Kevin swapped his shirt for Neil’s and looked down at the crop top it became on his longer torso. The point wasn’t that you could see his abs; Kevin had never been shy about his body. The point was the name emblazoned on his back. Kevin had been out as bi for a few years- Andrew wasn’t that cruel- but media speculation had been positing him as in a relationship with Andrew. While that wasn’t untrue, Andrew wanted to see what would happen if he twisted the narrative a bit.

Kevin sighed. “Can I at least wear a hoodie? They’ll still be able to see the number and it’s cold-”

“You’re lucky the agreement wasn’t to wear my jersey.”

“I hate you.”

“I don’t care.”

Kevin huffed, but stomped out the doorway to make his way to the nearest gas station nonetheless. 

Neil smirked as he dropped next to Andrew on the couch, twining their hands together once he knew it was okay. “Do you think he’ll be pissed enough to sleep on the couch tonight?”

Andrew let out a huff. “No. He gets cold.”

Kevin spent the next few days fielding phone calls about whether he was cheating on Andrew and what that meant for team cohesion. Many speculated that it was a publicity stunt to build hype around the fact that Neil was rumored to be traded to Kevin and Andrew’s team for the next season.

Kevin hung up the latest call and buried his face in his hands. “My dad called me. I hope you assholes are happy.”

Neil sat in his lap. “Is he concerned about your moral standing now that you’ve left Andrew for me?”

“No. He said that if I ever needed a break from you idiots I could stop by his place any time.”

Neil leaned in to kiss him and Kevin bit his lower lip. That just served to make Neil laugh. “You’re never gonna learn your lesson about betting against us, are you?”

Kevin had to admit that was true. He would never win a bet against Neil and Andrew. With Neil in his lap and Andrew looking at him with hooded eyes, though, Kevin realized in some instances there were worse things than losing.


	77. Jerejean- Phone call

For someone who spent eleven years of his life constantly in the presence of at least one other person, never realized how alone he was until USC. While the idea of being on his own terrified him at first, even in his own room, the Trojans talked more than the Ravens ever did and it was a rare moment that he didn’t have a text message from someone. Alvarez sent him incessant dog photos, Laila asked him about color schemes for her next painting, Jeremy talked about...everything. Jean was always the Raven that didn’t quite fit in. Now he had a community. A family.

As Jeremy, Sara and Laila’s graduation drew nearer, though, he couldn’t help but feel like the floor was about to drop out from underneath him. He started to withdraw, say no to little outings, insist he had to focus on his finals.

He was on his bed, reading the same sentence of his psychology textbook over and over, when he felt Jeremy drop gracelessly onto his bed. “Jeeeeean.”

“Hello, Jeremy.”

“You’ve been reading for like three hours. You’ve gotta take a break sometime.”

“I will take a break when this starts making sense.”

“Jean. Seriously, can we talk?”

At his unusually sober tone, Jean closed the book. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just-” Jeremy ran his hand through his hair. “I’m only gonna be here for like another week and I- did I do something wrong?”

Jean took in his faltering smile and the way he was playing with his thumb and knew how vulnerable Jeremy was making himself. He decided he owed it to Jeremy to do the same and said, “No..no, Jere, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just thought that if I started easing myself away now-”

“It wouldn’t hurt so much when we left?” Jeremy finished. “Jean...we’re your friends. We’re not going anywhere.” He reached toward Jean and and rested their hands together. “You have my number...you can call me if you need anything, okay?”

Jean nodded. “Does that mean I can expect three a.m. calls about your overwhelming love for dogs?”

Jeremy laughed. “Yup! It means you’re completely stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

Jean smiled, bewildered. “How do you trust people so easily?”

“I don’t,” Jeremy said, “You’ve just never given me a reason not to trust you.” He stood up and held his hand out to Jean. “Now, come on! I think you’ve more than earned a milkshake.”

\--

After graduation, he and Jeremy still texted nearly every day and Jeremy would call him, but it took nearly two months for Jean to call in return. His hands shook as the phone rang, but when Jeremy picked up, Jean was greeted with, “Hey! I was just thinking about you!”

“Really?” Jean asked.

“Yeah! Did you need something?”

“No, no, I just...missed you, I guess.”

“I missed you too. These other guys on my team aren’t nearly as fun. How are the freshmen?”

“Fine. A little too eager.”

“You’ll get them in shape, though.”

“I suppose,” Jean answered, “Inspiration was never my strong suit.”

They talked for about an hour and near the end of the call, Jeremy said, “You should come visit! My door is always open.”

“I’m sure you’re busy…” Jean protested.

“Never too busy for you!”

Jean allowed himself to feel cautiously hopeful and said, “Maybe next weekend?”

He could practically hear Jeremy’s smile as he answered, “It’s a date!”

It wasn’t until later, as he was stewing over what to bring to Jeremy’s apartment, that he realized what the distinct thump in his chest meant.

_Oh no _.__


	78. Jerejean and Daughter- Story

“One more chapter, Papa! Pleeeeease?” 

Jean chuckled. “Okay, Mali. But just one more and then it’s really bedtime, okay?”

She nodded enthusiastically and settled in against him. They were in the middle of a thrilling fantasy series and the hero was currently fighting a giant sea monster, which made this section her favorite. 

Jean was describing the eventual defeat of the creature when she looked at him and asked, “Why didn’t they try talking to the sea monster? It was probably just misunderstood. Like sharks!”

He nodded. “I don’t know, honey. Maybe that can be your job: sea monster whisperer.”

She giggled and listened as he finished the chapter. He closed the book, expecting to hear her beg for one more, but she was soundly asleep on his shoulder. He smiled softly and tucked her in. “Goodnight, my little sea star.”

He turned the light off, only to have the room be flooded with fairy lights in the shape of sea creatures, a particularly inspired birthday present.

Jeremy had already said goodnight, and had left so that her and Jean could have some time together before Jeremy had to leave for an away game. His team was fairly local, so he could be home for practices, but there were still more weekends away from his family then he would like.

He stood in the doorway a moment and watched Jeremy reading, glasses perpetually too far down his nose. He looked every inch the teacher he was now and Jean was so proud of him.

His cover was blown when Jeremy looked up and smiled. “She asleep?”

Jean nodded and crawled in next to Jeremy, wrapping his arm around him so the other man could rest his head on Jean’s shoulder. “Out like a light. She wanted to know why they didn’t negotiate with the misunderstood sea monster.”

Jeremy shuddered. “That’s both adorable and terrifying. Why are all the animals she likes so...big? And have so many teeth?”

Jean laughed. “I don’t know. She’s funny.”

“Is it normal to have nightmares about your daughter getting eaten by a squid?” 

“Probably not. But I don’t think there’s ever been anything normal about you.”

Jeremy nudged him slightly. “Rude.”

They sat together in peaceful silence until Jean said, “One more year. Then I can be home all the time.”

Jeremy sighed. “You’re a good dad, Jean. Neither of us blame you for doing what you have to do.”

“I know. I just hate missing her grow up.”

Jeremy took his hand in a move that was once terrifying, but now grounded and settled him. “You’re not missing anything. You’re taking care of us and we’re taking care of you. You’re home as much as you can be, and even when you’re gone, you’re still more present than a lot of parents who live at home all the time.”

He brushed Jean’s cheek and Jean nuzzled into the touch. He kissed Jeremy’s palm and smiled at him adoringly. One more year to freedom. His family made for a good incentive.


	79. Andreil- Fight

Neil and Andrew’s relationship, once it seriously entered into that territory, ran on what Neil could only describe as a low simmer. Everything about Andrew was consistent, stable, steady. Controlled. So while they didn’t have the passionate, whirlwind romance others wanted, Neil was more than content with the ever present thrum of connection he felt with Andrew, knowing the moment he tugged on his end, Andrew would tug back.

However, that’s not to say Neil’s temper didn’t still flare up. On this particular occasion, they were having what was supposed to be a reasonably pleasant evening after a press event, when they noticed two men in dark suits tailing them. Neil felt his heart speed up, but ultimately he knew that they were Ichirou’s men, known to check up on him from time to time.

Neil grew still, but Andrew appeared nonplussed and Neil watched, puzzled, as he wrote something on a napkin, folded it up and handed it to the waiter. His confusion turned to horror as he watched them deposit it at the table the men were seated at. They read it quickly, then stormed off.

Neil’s blood ran cold. “Andrew. What the fuck did you do?”

“I told them to leave before they found their food mysteriously poisoned.”

Neil nearly choked on his response. “Andrew.”

He gave no answer, simply laying down a wad of bills on the table and standing to leave. 

Neil didn’t speak the entire ride back to their apartment, but once the door was closed, he hissed, “Andrew, what the fuck were you thinking?”

Andrew stared back. “I was thinking that they were ruining our meal.”

Neil felt the rage welling up in his throat, but he managed to swallow it down enough to say, “Andrew-” before he was cut off with, “Saying my name won’t convince me of anything, get to a point.”

Neil huffed and continued, “You realize you just threatened members of the mafia.”

Andrew twitched his lip in a movement that indicated he was annoyed before countering, “As if you haven’t done worse.”

Neil made a frustrated noise. “That’s different. I can stand up for myself.”

Andrew scoffed. “It’s not as though they’ll do anything to you over this. You’re too valuable to them.”

“But they could hurt you!” Neil finally yelled. When Andrew didn’t react, Neil continued, “No. You told me once I wasn’t allowed to martyr myself for you. You don’t get to throw yourself away out of some impulse to protect me. You’re not that stupid or suicidal.”

“They can try to hurt me all they want. I don’t care-”

“But I do! Damn it, you’re important too. I can’t lose you...it would be worse than dying.”

“That’s dramatic.”

“Andrew,” Neil pleaded, “Remember what it felt like when I got these scars? When I was gone and you didn’t know if I was coming back?” He saw Andrew suppress a flinch. “That’s what losing you would feel like to me. I know you’d burn the world for me. Let me do the same for you.”

He saw something crack in Andrew’s expression then, slight, but there. He made his way over to Neil and hovered his hand by his cheek. “Yes or no?”

Neil nodded and Andrew brushed his thumb over the scars beneath Neil’s eye. Neil closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Andrew’s.

“I’m not going anywhere, junkie,” Andrew breathed and Neil pulled him into a kiss. It was a promise and that was as close to an apology as Neil knew he could get from Andrew. In fact, it meant more.

“Me neither,” Neil whispered against his lips.


	80. Jean- Nightmares

From the beginning, Jean knew he was...different from the other Ravens. He was young, like Kevin and Riko, but he wasn’t like them. He wasn’t greeted with fanfare, or whisked away on trips for interviews. Every Raven had a partner- except Jean. He was the tagalong, the extra.

Until about a year into his stay, when Nathaniel joined them. He was supposed to be Jean’s equal- someone to talk to, to patch up- to understand. But he disappeared like smoke and Jean was left alone again. 

Riko could never accept that Nathaniel, who was rightfully his, was never coming back, so Jean wasn’t given a partner, a fact that marked him as defective. My failures will be your failures. He was paying for Nathaniel’s mistakes.

He learned quickly that crying was useless, but it was much harder to hold back the screams that tore from his throat when he woke in the night. Kevin helped by clamping his hand over Jean’s mouth to keep the sound at bay and in return Jean would speak low French to him until Kevin relaxed back into sleep. It was lonely, but he was never alone.

\--

Jean had conflicting feelings about his rooming situation with the Trojans. On one hand, sleeping alone was fraught with bad memories of cold, dark rooms where he didn’t know if anyone would come to find him, of shaking and praying and feeling like he’d never see the sun again.

But Jeremy was too bright and Jean couldn’t bear the pity, the revulsion that would enter his eyes when he heard Jean wake from a nightmare. He didn’t want his kindness- he wanted Jeremy and all of them to leave him be.Of course, Jean didn’t get what he wanted and Jeremy insisted on being ridiculously accommodating and opened the other half of his room to Jean. 

Jean stayed silent while Jeremy gave him an unnecessary tour of the layout and when he finished talking, Jean simply set about unpacking his things, back turned to Jeremy. The other man hung back awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before saying, “Well...let me know if you need anything.”

Jean didn’t plan on asking for any favors from Jeremy Knox.

\--

It wasn’t until a few nights later that Jean had his first nightmare at USC. Until then, he was too preoccupied with learning how to sleep with the sound of Jeremy’s breathing, the glow of the stars plastered to the ceiling, the rush of traffic by their window at all hours of the night.

That night, though, he thrashed awake and tried to bite back the strangled noise that escaped him, but Jeremy was already awake. Jean tried to feign sleep, but Jeremy was sitting up and putting his glasses on.

“Jean? Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Jean rasped.

Jeremy sighed. “Kevin told me you had nightmares, it’s really-”

“Kevin should mind his business.”

Jeremy nodded. “I only meant to say that I won’t ask, but I’m here if you want to talk.”

Jean exhaled, trying to rid himself of the last vestiges of the dream. He didn’t know if it was the lack of pity in Jeremy’s voice or the notion that he could talk about it, but he answered, “The only good part of being alone is that I don’t wake anyone up screaming. I suppose you’ll be rooming with someone else now.”

To his surprise, Jeremy smiled. “I think you’ll find I’m not that easy to get rid of.”

“You say that now, but wait until you haven’t slept in a week.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Jean. Interested and confused, yeah. But not afraid.”

He rolled over to go back to sleep shortly after and Jean was left to his thoughts. He had been convinced that Neil Josten was the most stubborn person alive, but Jeremy was quickly giving him a run for his money.


	81. Andreil- Dream

Neil had never been a particularly heavy sleeper, his body hardwired to wake at a moment’s notice and be ready to leave. Because he had to be alert immediately upon waking, he tried to survive off as little sleep as possible, napping instead of letting himself fall into a sleep deep enough for dreaming. He didn’t succeed, of course, but when he did remember his dreams, they were filled with blood and knives and fear that crept into his waking mind and left him disoriented and shaking off the cold feeling that gripped him.

So, naturally, this dream left him...confused. 

_It was him and Andrew on the roof, but the edges of the dream felt hazy. Andrew sat near the ledge like always, smoking his cigarette until Neil joined him and took it out of his hands for a quick drag, watching the way Andrew’s eyes followed him._

_Neil smirked. “Do you want something?”_

_Andrew scowled. “I told you. I don’t want anything.”_

_Neil nodded, his hand resting on the solid concrete next to Andrew’s leg. He hummed and said, “Do you know what I want?”_

_Andrew stared out at the skyline, exhaling a stream of smoke._

_“I want you to fight for me.”_

_Andrew turned to him and when it became clear that he wasn’t going to answer, Neil continued, “I want to know I belong somewhere. And I think that place is with you, but I have to know if I mean something to you. If I’m worth keeping or of I”m just here because you made a promise and don’t want to back out.”_

_Andrew reached out and gestured for Neil to take his hand. Once he did, Andrew guided him to touch the pulse in his neck, the same way he did at the airport all those weeks ago. He didn’t have to say anything for Neil to understand. ___

__Neil woke then and looked over at Andrew, surprised and pleased to find him still asleep. He watched his face and in the peaceful clarity of the morning, Neil had a realization about how hard Andrew was already fighting for him. He was at war with himself. He had to fight every instinct he had to let himself care about Neil. He had to fight to feel okay with Neil’s weight in the same bed as him. He had to trust that Neil wouldn’t hurt him._ _

__Neil still stood by what he said to Aaron. He didn’t expect Andrew to fight for him. He wanted a lot of things, but he wouldn’t put those expectations on Andrew. He would take what Andrew could give him and Neil knew somehow that it would always be enough. He would never ask for more than Andrew was willing to give. He had already made that mistake once._ _

__In the middle of this realization, Neil felt Andrew stir. “Staring,” he mumbled._ _

__Neil wouldn’t describe Andrew Minyard as adorable, but his fluffy morning hair might have qualified that way. Neil put his face in his hand. “You like it.”_ _

__Andrew pushed his face to the side so he was looking away from him. “It’s too early for this shit.”_ _

__Neil smiled and pretended to go back to sleep. When he peeled an eye open to look at Andrew’s sleeping form, though, he vowed in his head, _“Don’t worry. I’ll fight for you too." _____


	82. Andreil- Ice Cream

Neil had lived a lot of places, so many that he didn’t really try to differentiate between them all that often. Still, if there was one thing that made South Carolina stand out, it was that it was hot. Summer practices were in full swing and the team was already at the end of their collective rope. Nicky had taken to dramatically pleading for death and Kevin was snapping at people to such a degree that Neil was torn between punching him and smothering him in his sleep.

As such, when Matt offered him a night away from Kevin, Neil was quick to jump on board. Aaron and Nicky switched rooms and he and Matt watched movies and played video games for hours. As the night wore on, Neil realized how late it was and sent Andrew a quick text saying that he was going to crash in Matt’s room.

He slept for a few hours before hearing a thumping sound at the window. He jolted awake and walked carefully over, keeping one foot poised so that he could run if needed. When he opened the window though, all he saw was, “Nicky?”

“I’m retrieving you for ice cream detail, Andrew’s orders.”

Matt was apparently awake because he croaked out, “Who the fuck comes in the window at 4 a.m. for ice cream?”

Neil just raised an eyebrow. “You couldn’t knock on the door?”

“Oh...uh...that’s the other thing. We kinda...jammed our door shut from our side and need you to help get it open. Ice cream is the reward!”

Neil sighed and crawled out after Nicky, being careful to stay close to the building. Once in the room, he found Aaron and Kevin squabbling, while Andrew flipped through channels from one of the beanbag chairs. He rose when Neil crawled in the room and walked over to hand him his lockpicks.

Neil pushed Kevin and Aaron out of the way and messed with the door until he managed to pry it open. Once he did, Andrew left the room and pulled Neil after him, shutting the door despite the other’s protests.

Neil smirked. “Do I want to know what happened?”

Andrew flicked a glance at him. “No.”

They got in the car and Andrew lit a cigarette, handing it to Neil once he’d taken a drag. Neil settled in as they started moving and said, “We have to go somewhere that has frozen yogurt.”

Andrew practically rolled his eyes. “You’re so boring.”

Neil smiled and held his hand out palm up and his smile grew when Andrew took his hand. They found a 24 hour grocery store nearby and picked up pints for everyone. Andrew threatened to get Kevin lemon ice, but eventually got him the pistachio he knew he wanted.

Neil knew it was a little unconventional, but he felt a strong wave of domesticity walking through the aisles with Andrew and it was nice to get away together alone after being surrounded by the team for so long.

He was thrown out of his thoughts by Andrew nudging him lightly and saying, “Whatever you’re thinking, stop thinking it.”

Neil just huffed lightly and followed him to the car. The sound of the road relaxed him and he was asleep by the time they reached Palmetto.

He woke up curled in a beanbag, Andrew in the one next to him, and smiled at the sight of their hands curled together.


	83. Andreil- Cat

After all he had been through in his life- serial killer fathers, mafia men, crazed Exy players with delusions of grandeur- it seemed unfair that he was going to be done in by a broken air conditioner. He lay in front of the open window, eyes closed, hoping for an errant gust of wind.

When it didn’t come, he said, “At least dying with you won’t be the worst thing.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table and bowl of ice cream in his lap. The only thing that gave away that he was affected by the heat at all was the fact that he was wearing a tank top instead of his customary black t-shirts and armbands. Neil would have taken the time to appreciate his arms, if he wasn’t sweating his face off. “You’re not going to die. Stop acting like Nicky.”

Neil sat up on his elbows. “It’s 92 degrees in this apartment, Andrew. How are you not even sweating?”

“Maybe you’re just dramatic.”

Neil flipped over onto his back. “Do you think the cat’s dead?”

Andrew glanced over. “No. He’s just sleeping like he always does when it isn’t 3 a.m.”

Neil nodded, but reached out to pat their fur just to make sure. Once he was sure he was breathing, Neil said, “We should go somewhere that has air conditioning. Specifically somewhere that sells fans.”

Andrew nodded and picked his keys up off the coffee table. Neil looked at Sir Fat Cat. “Don’t jump out the window while we’re gone. It’s open for your benefit.”

“And don’t eat my ice cream or I’ll skin you,” Andrew added.

Thankfully, they didn’t live too far from a Wal-Mart and even though they both considered it to be hell on earth, they were successfully able to find a fan for the time until their air conditioner was fixed.

They were about to bring it inside when Neil heard a small noise come from the alley by their apartment. Neil headed over to check it out while Andrew watched passively. In a heap beside some trash, attempting to get some shade, was a small kitten with matted fur, clearly affected by the heat. He picked it up gingerly, trying to quiet its mews.

Andrew looked at the lump of fur and raised an eyebrow. 

“Andrew, they’re gonna die out here.”

Andrew took the kitten and considered it from all angles. Through the clumps, he could see that their fur was orange. He lifted up the fur by its eyes, only to find that there was a small patch under its eye that was missing fur. 

He looked up at Neil’s hopeful eyes and said, “It needs a bath.”

Neil smiled. “You can’t resist taking in strays, can you?”

“Who said anything about taking in strays? Maybe I’m trading you in for a quieter model.”

Neil rolled his eyes and carried the fan up to the apartment. “Sir!” Neil announced, “We found you a little sibling!”

Sir twitched his tail in indifference and instead stared eagerly at the box the fan came in. 

“Idiot cat,” Andrew said, kicking the box as he made his way to the bathroom to wash the kitten. 

When Andrew emerged with the freshly washed cat, Neil saw the missing skin patch, nearly identical to the scars on his own face.

“Not a word,” Andrew said.


	84. Matt and Neil- Vegas

Neil woke to a throbbing headache and covered his face with his pillow to hide from the sunlight. He reached a hand out, trying to feel for Andrew, but the body next to him didn’t feel like his boyfriend. The torso was too long and...shit. The previous night came back to him in a flood. He had been with Matt all night, celebrating since they both had games near Vegas for their pro teams and Matt’s birthday was coming up.

He rubbed a hand against his face, only to have something metallic scratch against his eye. No. No, no, no, no. “Uh...Matt?” he said, shaking the lump next to him. “Matt, wake up.”

Matt groaned, but rolled over, only to have his eyes grow wide when he saw Neil next to him.

“Don’t panic,” Neil said before Matt could speak, “But I think we might’ve gotten married.”

Matt sat up, groaning again when he did so too quickly. “But how is that possible? I’m already married to Dan.”

“I don’t know. Is there a ring on your finger too? Other than your normal wedding ring?”

“I...yeah, there’s a second one. Shit.” Matt’s face grew more concerned. “We didn’t…”

“What? No! No, I don’t think so. We’re both fully clothed. I think we just passed out.”

Matt scrubbed a hand over his face in relief. “Good. So...plan.”

Neil yawned and said, “Breakfast. Then go find out if we’re really married. And deal from there.”

Matt nodded. “Sounds good.”

It was turning into a hell of a morning already.

\--

After breakfast, they managed to find a clerk’s office, but there was no record of the two of them getting married. As they walked away and puzzled over what to do, Neil twirled the ring on his finger. He paused in the middle of the motion and then pulled it off to look at it. 

“Matt...we’re idiots.”

“I know, man, Dan’s gonna be furious and Andrew’s probably gonna kill me…”

“No, Matt. I mean we’re actually idiots. They’re plastic. We probably just bought them at the gift store or something.”

Matt paused for a moment before laughing raucously and holding onto Neil’s shoulder for support. “Holy shit, dude.”

Neil huffed a laugh. “I’ll keep the ring as a cherished memory,” he said faux dramatically.

“So will I, buddy.”

\--

Neil returned back to his hotel room a few minutes later. Andrew shut his book and raised an eyebrow at the sight of Neil. “You look like shit.”

Neil smirked. “Yeah. I got hammered and fake married Matt.”

“Should I be jealous?” Andrew asked.

Neil sank down onto the bed in front of him. “Wildly,” he said, leaning in to kiss him. “Are you okay living in sin with me?”

Andrew scoffed. “I should use this as an opportunity to hand you off to be someone else’s problem.”

“You won’t,” Neil stated. 

“Did you tell him?”

“That I’m already a married man? No. I figured we’ll let that bet stew for a little longer.

Andrew kissed him and Neil glanced at the ring tattooed on his finger. None of them had to know or understand, but Neil was happy with his unconventional marriage, his unconventional husband, his unconventional life.


	85. Jerejean- Breakfast Kisses

They didn’t mean for it to happen. Jean moved in with Jeremy after graduation and the feelings snuck up on both of them, leaving them startled, Jeremy by the sudden warmth in his chest when he saw Jean smile and Jean by the urge he would get to wrap his arms around Jeremy when he stood at the counter making breakfast. It took a while for Jeremy to conclude he didn’t just have heartburn and for Jean to realize that no, he wasn’t just touch starved. He didn’t want to touch anyone really, except Jeremy.

Still, despite the mutual affection, they were both too nervous to be the one to cross that unspoken line, the what-if too nervewracking to consider. One night, though, they were watching a movie together when Jeremy began to drift off against Jean’s shoulder. This wasn’t the first time this had happened, but Jean still felt a lump in his throat as he watched Jeremy’s face grow peaceful in sleep and felt him nuzzle against his arm.

The last time this had happened, he had picked Jeremy up and carried him to bed, but Jeremy had whined in his sleep for Jean to stay and he had come too close to giving in. He couldn’t risk having to explain how he felt and having to see the look on Jeremy’s face as he turned Jean down. So this time, he let Jeremy sleep until the movie was over and then gently shook him awake.

“Jere...the movie’s over. I’m heading to sleep.”

Jeremy blinked awake and smiled softly at him. “Kay,” he said and leaned up for a goodnight kiss, both of them freezing when Jean unthinkingly bent to meet his lips.

They pulled away, both flushed and a little shocked. “I’m so sorry,” Jeremy started, but Jean cut him off, saying, “No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking…”

Jeremy pressed a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. Let’s-let’s talk about it in the morning. When we’re thinking clearly.”

Jean nodded and they headed off to sleep in their separate rooms, tossing and turning as they thought about what the morning had in store.

\--

Jean woke to the smell of coffee and his feet moved to the kitchen almost before his brain could register the movement, too tired from a night of overthinking to care about anything except caffeine. He stopped in the doorway at the sight of Jeremy flipping pancakes, a sight that shouldn’t affect him day after day, but did because the way he did it was so...Jeremy. Comfortable, without walls, at peace.

“Beautiful.”

Jeremy whipped around to see Jean, lips parting in surprise. “Jean!” he said, still a bit startled, “I made…”

“Pancakes. It’s Sunday.”

Jeremy nodded, a little pleased that Jean knew his schedule. He set the plate on the table and they both sat down to dig in, Jean carrying over their mugs. Last night hung in the air between them, but neither of them wanted to break the silence, instead opting for brushing hands while reaching for more pancakes and looking away like smitten teenagers.

Jean finally couldn’t take it when he saw that Jeremy had a smudge of powdered sugar by his lip. He reached across the table and wiped it off with his thumb. “You had, uh-”

“Can I kiss you?”

Jean froze, but nodded after a moment. “Yes.” He leaned in and Jeremy tasted like sugar and coffee and sunshine and honestly a little morning breath, but Jean wanted to spend the rest of his life right here, kissing Jeremy at the breakfast table.


	86. Andreil- Press Duty

Neil walked into the living room, blearily rubbing a hand over his eye to his temple. A headache was blossoming behind one eye and it was already promising to be one of those days.

He saw Andrew sitting on the couch with a bored expression as he watched ESPN. Neil groaned as he saw what the story was. It was a video of him laying into a reporter for comments they made about Andrew’s “sloppy performance” in the previous night’s game, as Neil’s team prepared to face off against Andrew’s the next week. Neil yelling at the press wasn’t terribly remarkable, but defending an opposing team’s player was.

“That is one hell of a mess,” Andrew commented without looking away from the screen. “You’re good at those, though, so I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Neil sighed and sat beside him. “I know. My agent’s already called me three times this morning.”

“She’s gonna be pissed at you for ignoring her.”

“She’s already pissed,” Neil said with a dismissive hand wave, “listening to her yell at me can at least wait until I’ve had coffee.”

Neil took the remote from Andrew and turned the volume up. After a few seconds, he remarked, “Don’t they have anything more important to talk about?”

“Probably. But why cover those when we have your incredible speech to analyze? Tell me again about how I blasted my team out of mediocrity. It was practically poetry.”

“I don’t regret it.”

“I don’t need you to defend me. I don’t care what they said.”

“Well I do. They had no idea what you were playing through. I told you, you could have sat out if yesterday was too much-”

“Neil. Drop it.”

Neil pressed his lips into a thin line. “Fine. I still meant it.”

“I know you did.”

Neil’s phone rang again and he went off to the bedroom to answer it, knowing that if he didn’t the next step would be his agent showing up at his door to lecture him in person. On the phone, she seemed more resigned than angry and simply talked to him about keeping comments to a minimum, focusing on the upcoming games and the likelihood of another story overshadowing it soon. She hung up with, “You’ve said worse.”

He took down a mental note to up the amount of chocolate in her Christmas gift and left the room.

As he headed back into the living room, he found that Andrew had just hung up a phone call of his own. “Who was that?”

“ESPN asking for a comment.”

“What did you say?”

“Just that it wasn’t surprising considering you’ve always been a loudmouth.”

“That’s boring.”

“Would you rather I mention that we’re fucking?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “I think if you said that, both our agents would actually have a heart attack.”

“Now who’s boring?”

Neil pulled him in and the rest of the segment was forgotten.

\--

Neil didn’t think much of their conversation until a few days later when their teams played each other and Andrew got roped into an interview. He watched from the locker room, expecting Andrew to brush the reporter’s questions off, but when asked about Neil, he said, “Josten’s words are nice, but I don’t need his pity. I know I can shut him out.”

Neil’s team let out a chorus of “oooohs” and Neil smirked.

When he met Andrew in the parking lot later, he greeted him with, “Was it my ears or did you sound suspiciously like you cared about Exy?”

“A fake rivalry could be amusing. That’s all.”

Neil smiled. “Uh huh.”

Andrew pulled him in for a kiss and Neil was suddenly very, very grateful for the press.


	87. Andreil- Scars

Andrew and Neil wore their scars very differently. To Andrew, his scars were a sign of control. He didn’t regret what he’d done to survive and he knew Neil wouldn’t look down on him for it. He only hid them because they were no one’s business but his own.

Neil’s scars, however, were a different story. He hadn’t chosen them, but everyone could see them clearly. There were no armbands for your face, which he supposed was why Lola had chosen the spots she did. Andrew understood, therefore, why Neil was as self-conscious about them as he was.

What made things a little more difficult, however was how they way Neil talked about his scars made Andrew think about his own. Neil talked about his scars like they were shameful, like they were inherently ugly instead of just a piece of Neil.

He brought up his puzzling thoughts to Bee in one of his sessions. After listening to him parse through his thoughts, she asked, “What do you think is bothering you the most? That it makes you feel badly about your own scars?”

Andrew thought that over, but decided it didn’t quite fit. He knew his and Neil’s situations were different. When he shook his head, she went on, “Then is it that he cannot make peace with his own?”

Andrew paused. “I gave him armbands.”

She nodded in understanding. “Why did you do that?”

“So he wouldn’t have to show anyone something he didn’t want to.”

“But there’s nothing you can do about the ones on his face.”

Andrew swallowed. “I told him not to come crying to me when something broke his face.”

Bee smiled. “You can’t control what happens to other people. But you can control how you react to them. Maybe talking to Neil about what bothers him most about his scars will help alleviate your guilt.”

The problem was, Andrew hadn’t considered himself capable of guilt in a long time. He did what was promised, no more, no less. He hadn’t owed Neil anything. The fear that had taken him over that day still bothered him and he was self-aware enough to know why, but he couldn’t let himself put a name to it yet. He couldn’t give up that piece of himself until he knew Neil wouldn’t disappear.

When he got back to Fox Tower, Neil was on the roof, dangling an unlit cigarette he must have pilfered from Andrew’s hoodie between his fingers. Andrew joined him wordlessly, simply lighting the cigarette and putting it to his lips. 

Neil smiled and leaned in for a kiss, but Andrew turned his head so his lips hovered by the scarring under Neil’s eye. “Yes or no?”

Neil fidgeted. “Andrew, I-”

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil answered, confused but accepting. 

Andrew traced his lips over the mark gently. When he pulled away, Neil was staring at him with that face that made Andrew want to tear apart every person that had hurt Neil, that had made him think Andrew was the answer to his problems, that face that made him want to etch every inch of Neil’s face into his brain, as though his eidetic memory wasn’t enough and he needed Neil embedded in his skin, closer.

When it became too much to bear, he said, “Don’t look at me like that,” but he didn’t turn Neil’s face away.

Instead of saying, “Like what?” as he usually did, Neil asked, “Why?”

Andrew thought, _‘Because you’re beautiful and dangerous and I don’t want to trust you, but I do, and I don’t want to lose you, but I did.’ ___

__But Andrew doesn’t respond and Neil doesn’t push and Andrew’s answering kiss tells Neil all he needed to know._ _


	88. Jerejean- Painting

Jeremy liked to consider himself a fairly organized person. Being captain for so many years meant keeping track of a lot of people and his computer was filled with spreadsheet after spreadsheet of statistics and logistics he need to keep track of. 

When it came to his personal life, however, he was a bit of a mess. He wanted to prove to Alvarez that for once he could be on time for something that wasn’t practice, but as fate would have it, his keys were nowhere to be found. He sighed in frustration and set off to ask Jean if he’d seen them. Jean had been in his room all day and Jeremy didn’t want to bother him, but he needed to check and it would only be a second.

He knocked briefly before opening the door and saying, “Hey, have you seen the...oh.”

Jean was sitting on the floor, a brush in his mouth as he sketched something onto the canvas he was working on. It clearly wasn’t finished, but Jeremy could see that it was the beginning of a huge sun, with small clouds in the background over a blue sky.

When he heard Jeremy, Jean jumped a little and moved to shield the painting from his view, but realized it was too late and sighed. “This was going to be your birthday present.”

Jeremy worked to squash the fluttering that erupted in his chest and said, “You mean my birthday that’s in two months?”

Jean tucked a strand of hair behind his ear nervously. It was longer than Jeremy had ever seen it and he hoped it was a sign that Jean was getting more comfortable. After a moment, Jean shrugged and said, “I couldn’t sleep and I was inspired. I know how upset you get when it’s cloudy and I just thought...this way you could always have the sun.”

Jeremy didn’t have words for that. It was without a doubt the sweetest thing anyone had done for him. He sat down next to Jean and hesitated a moment before leaning in to kiss his cheek. “It’s beautiful.”

Jean scoffed “It isn’t even close to finished.”

“That doesn’t matter. It just can’t believe you did all this work for me.”

“It’s nothing too bad. A few circles and a background.”

“I never knew you to be the modest type,” Jeremy teased.

“It’s not modesty,” Jean countered. “It’s honesty.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes fondly. “Well, all I know is now I have to start thinking of a present for you early if I’m going to be ready by the time your birthday rolls around.”

Jean groaned. “I told you, I don’t want-”

“Anything big. I know.” Jeremy winked. “It won’t be big, I promise. Just thoughtful.”

Jean nodded. “You’re still ridiculous.”

“Says the man who painted me the sun,” Jeremy said, eyebrow raised.

Jean didn’t reply and they sat in comfortable silence while Jean worked until Jean’s phone buzzed. He checked it and turned to Jeremy with an amused smile.

“Alvarez wants to know if she should send out a search party.”

“Shit!” Jeremy exclaimed, leaping up. “My keys!”

Jean stood up and followed Jeremy, who had resumed tearing apart the apartment. Jean walked over to the kitchen counter, picked up the keys and said, “You mean these keys that were sitting right on the counter?”

Jeremy wilted. “I hate my life.”

Jean chuckled. His life would be so boring without his sunshine.


	89. Jerejean- Kiss

Jeremy and Jean initially started off in a pretty rocky place. While Jeremy understood that Jean had lived a horrific life thus far, understanding didn’t make it any easier to deal with the fact that Jean could be, well, mean. 

And Jean did not like Jeremy at first. Jeremy knew it was a wariness borne out of the years of abuse under Riko and his resulting bad associations with captains, but Jeremy was still getting seriously tired of getting checked excessively at practice and going home to the cold shoulder in his own room. When he vented to Alvarez about it, who somehow had managed to become friends with Jean before him, all she’d said was, “He’s waiting to see what happens when you break. He needs to see for himself whether you’ll hurt him.”

Jeremy was disheartened to hear that answer to say the least, but he understood and he was determined to change Jean’s opinion of him. They eventually had it out after winter break, as they were preparing for the stress of playoffs. They met on the court, where they were equal, and Jeremy made it clear in his actions that he wouldn’t hurt Jean, no matter how much he asked or pushed.

Once he’d gained Jean’s respect, life was a total 180. Jean was still fairly quiet, but Jeremy found he had a dry sense of humor and that they had similar taste in books, though Jeremy thought Jean’s music was depressing and Jean thought the movies Jeremy liked were stupid.

They bonded further over Jean helping Jeremy not fail French, in exchange for Jeremy helping Jean with math. (That was something else they bonded over; Jeremy was dyslexic and had spent years thinking he was stupid until he got diagnosed as a sophomore in high school and so Jeremy helped Jean come to terms with the fact that he had dyscalculia and that his issues with numbers weren’t him being “defective”.)

As they grew closer, though, Jeremy was left with the realization that he was definitely developing a crush on Jean. He could feel himself acting stupid: laughing too hard at what Jean said, blushing if their hands touched, staring too long until Alvarez beaned him during practice. The point was, he was in deep.

It culminated one night when they were both studying long past the point of being tired and Jeremy was leaning on Jean’s shoulder, listening to the rumble of his voice as he talked through the pronunciations of Jeremy’s vocabulary words. It had become something of a tradition, Jean reading books out loud to Jeremy when focusing became too much for him.

In his tired stupor, he found himself staring at Jean’s lips and thinking about what kissing him would be like, while the vestiges of his waking brain screamed at him to stop before he did something stupid. 

Jean looked down at him with an amused smile. “What are you thinking about?”

Before he could stop himself, he said, “I’m trying really hard not to kiss you right now.”

Jean froze and Jeremy pulled away, the realization of what he’d said a sure wake up call. “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean...I wouldn’t..”

“I know, Jeremy.”

“I’m not-”

“You’re not him. I know.”

Jeremy was warding off a full nervous breakdown when Jean continued, “I am capable of adult relationships, Jeremy. I know you would respect a no.”

Jeremy nodded. “I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable between us.”

Jean thought for a moment before saying, “I can’t while you’re still my captain. But it’s not a no.”

Jeremy nearly fell over. “What?”

Jean smiled and brushed his thumb over Jeremy’s lower lip. “I am saying that once you’ve graduated and we are on equal terms, I would very much like to kiss you.”

With that, he stood up and moved to turn off the light. “Goodnight, Jeremy.”

Jeremy spent the time before sleep running his fingers over his lips. The rest of the semester was about to become very interesting.


	90. Nicky/Erik- Bad week

Nicky thought he tried to be a good person. He helped people carry their groceries, he gave people free ice cream during his shifts if they looked upset. Most poignantly, he moved across an ocean to take care of two kids who didn’t want anything to do with him, not for the congratulations, but because he would never willingly subject his parents on anyone.

So why did the universe see fit to kick him at every opportunity?

The week had started with someone skipping out on paying at Sweetie’s, leaving him to foot the bill. Then, he had to field phone calls about how the school was considering suspending Andrew for skipping class. And now, Aaron’s teacher was calling him about how Aaron had needed a guardian’s signature on a test he’d gotten a D on, which Aaron had never told him about. 

He hung up after reassuring the teacher a hundred times that he would talk to Aaron about the test and his slipping grade in that class in general. He ran a hand over his face and sighed before calling for the twins. Aaron, unsurprisingly, showed up first.

“You got a D?”

Aaron looked worried for half a second before schooling his expression back into neutrality. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does, Aaron. You’re smart. If you do your work, you can get into a good college, make something of yourself-”

“You didn’t go to college.”

“We’re not talking about me. I’m just saying-”

“You’re just saying that you’re so much better than us just because you have a rich sugar daddy who lives in Germany, right?”

Nicky’s mouth dropped open a little. “Excuse me?” When Aaron didn’t answer, Nicky just said, “Look, just get me the form and I’ll sign it.”

Aaron stomped off with a huff just as Andrew came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. Nicky pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed before asking, “Why aren’t you going to class?”

Andrew shrugged. “Didn’t want to.”

“Is someone bothering you? Is there something going on at school? I can help if-”

Andrew was already gone.

Tired to his very soul, Nicky headed up to his room and closed the door, hoping for a few minutes of peace. He knew he would feel better after talking to Erik, who was probably up starting to get ready for work by now. He opened Skype and waited for Erik to pop up on the screen. Once he did, Nicky smiled widely. “Hi baby!”

Erik grinned and Nicky felt his heart flutter. “Hey, liebling. How are you?”

Nicky waved a hand. “Eh, tired, but I’m better now that I’m talking to you.”

His smile must not have reached his eyes, because Erik’s face turned concerned and he said, “What’s going on?”

Nicky sighed. “Aaron’s failing math, Andrew won’t go to class, I got stiffed at work. What isn’t happening?”

Erik’s forehead creased. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Normally, Nicky would have flown into a speech about the day’s happenings, but he didn’t want Erik to think he couldn’t handle it, knowing Erik would do something stupid like fly out and risk his job, and Nicky couldn’t handle the guilt. “Nah. I’d rather hear how you’re doing. Any big cases today? You know I love hearing about you going all tough lawyer on people.”

“Nicky, if something’s wrong-”

“I’m fine, Erik, really, I just need to sleep this week off-”

“Stop telling me you’re okay, Nicky! I can see that you aren’t. Why won’t you talk to me?”

Nicky swallowed, trying to keep the tears from falling. He was so tired. “Please don’t yell at me,” he whispered.

“Nick-Nicky. I’m sorry, baby. I’m just worried about you. I hate seeing you upset and I miss you and I haven’t seen you like this since we met. I don’t want you spiraling back because of them. I care about you.”

Nicky squeezed his eyes shut and said, “But what can I do, Erik? I can’t just leave them. They’d die with my parents, I know it. I can’t do that to them.”

Erik sighed. “You can’t save everyone, Nicky.”

“Let me try?” Nicky asked with a weak smile. At Erik’s silence, he went on, “I don’t want to fight. Just distract me?”

Erik smiled then. “God, you’re dangerous. I can’t deny you anything.”

Nicky struck a pose. “Tell me about it, stud.” Erik crinkled his nose in confusion, which made Nicky laugh and say, “We’re watching Grease the next time I see you.”

They talked for a little while longer before Nicky noticed the time and said, “It’s like six a.m. where you are. You need to get ready for work.”

Erik smiled, “I love you, engel. Get some rest.”

Nicky blew a kiss to his screen and marveled in how Erik made him feel holy and good and all the things he was told he could never be. He couldn’t save everyone, but he could save himself.


	91. Jerejean- Lost

When they first agreed to sign Jean to the team, Jeremy thought that he had talked to Renee and Kevin enough to know what he was getting into. In reality though, the truth of the matter was that there was no way to anticipate the effects of the complete fuckery that was the Nest. It wasn’t like Jean was incapable of functioning- quite the opposite. It was just that there were things about outside life he had no way of knowing, but if you offered to help, all you’d receive in return was a glare.

One part of USC that Jean had difficulty getting used to was physically finding his classes and making his way around campus. In the Nest, the Ravens’ held classes in one room with the same small group of students. There was no need for a map; everything they needed was in the small underground cavern, and they were never alone so there was no getting lost.

Jeremy offered to walk through his schedule with him the day before classes started, but Jean shrugged him off, insisting he could manage the task on his own. Jeremy frowned, but respected his wishes. 

Jean was gone the next morning when Jeremy woke up and the first day of his last year was going great until he got a call as he walked out of his 10 AM class. “Jean? What’s up?”

“I don’t know where I am. Help me?”

Jeremy was glad he asked for help instead of just sitting on the sidewalk endlessly because he was stubborn, but he was still a bit worried. Campus could be pretty backwards if you didn’t know where you were going. “Okay. What do you see around you?”

“There are trees surrounding a grassy area and behind me there’s...two buildings? Connected by a hallway?”

Jeremy sighed, relieved. “You’re not too far from me. Stay where you are and I’ll come find you, okay?”

“Thank you,” Jean said, hanging up before Jeremy could say anymore.

He found Jean scrolling through his phone by one of the trees and jogged to meet up with him. “Hey, man.”

Jean looked up and Jeremy honestly couldn’t tell if Jean was happy to see him or not. “Hello, Jeremy.”

“Where were you headed?”

“Back to the dorms. But all the buildings look the same…”

Jeremy chuckled. “I feel you, man. I don’t think I made it to any of my classes my first day. Ended up having a panic attack on the steps of the quad. Little dorky freshman that still wore my lanyard around my neck.”

Jean smiled a little. “Well, thankfully I have more sense than that.”

Jeremy stuck his tongue out at him. “I try to make you feel better and this is my thanks?”

Jean huffed, which Jeremy considered the closest Jean got to laughing. “Fine. How shall I thank you then?”

Jeremy replied, “You could let me give you a proper tour? Starting with my favorite coffee shop, which happens to be in that building behind us?”

Jean hummed and mumbled something Jeremy didn’t understand in French. Something with the word “fate” maybe? Jeremy was never good in French class. In English, he answered, “You don’t have class after this?”

Jeremy shook his head. “Nope! I planned it so my last year would be pretty easy. I’m all yours the rest of the day.”

“I have class at one.”

“Then I’m all yours until one.”

Jean half laughed at that. “You’re like an overgrown puppy, you know that?”

“I’ve been told,” Jeremy answered with a pout.

They headed off together and Jeremy grinned. Jean was still stubborn and not every day was easy, but Jeremy was growing incredibly fond of Jean.


	92. Jerejean- Honesty

Coming back from winter break and knowing it was his last semester was stressful in a lot of ways for Jeremy. He had to finish his degree, while fielding options for his future, all while still being the leader the Trojans needed to get through playoffs. In light of this, the one favor Jeremy had asked of the universe was for Jean to have a pleasant holiday and maybe come back from break willing to work with the team. Unfortunately, however, he returned to campus with the same sour attitude and perpetual sneer he always wore.

After a fairly brutal first practice back that left nearly all the strikers limping off the court at Jean’s hands, Jeremy decided he had no choice but to talk to him. The trick would be finding a way to do so without making Jean feel cornered. Thankfully, sharing a room with Jean meant that Jeremy was pretty hard to avoid.

Wanting to deal with the problem quickly, he decided to bring it up to Jean the next night as they sat in their room. “Hey...can we talk?”

Jean straightened up. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No! I mean...not like…” he sighed. “You realize that if all our strikers are injured, we won’t stand a chance this semester, right?”

“I see,” Jean said. “I was just under the impression that your players could handle it.”

Jeremy resisted getting frustrated. “They’re not my players. They’re our teammates. And we all want to win, but we can’t do that if you keep fighting us.”

Jean nodded and thought for a moment. “I don’t know if I can do what you’re asking of me. I don’t think this team and I will ever fit.”

Jeremy gave a half smile. “Unfortunately for you, we’re the only team you’ve got.”

Jean sneered, suddenly defensive. “I don’t need you. I know my worth.”

Jeremy sighed. “You’re right. You don’t need us. But we want you. We think you’re worth fighting for.”

Jean waited a very long moment before sputtering, “Why? I’ve been awful to you.”

Jeremy smiled. “Cause when you decide not to be a dick, you’re loyal and funny and smart. And when you decide to let us in, I have a feeling you’re gonna be a pretty awesome friend.”

Jean answered, “I can’t say I understand, but I hear you. I don’t know how to be a friend, but I would like to try.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes. As long as you understand I may not be able to answer.”

Jeremy nodded. “That’s fair. I just- how did the Ravens win if you were so intent on killing each other all the time?”

Jean sighed. “It’s complicated. We hated each other, but we were all we had. And we obviously didn’t attack each other during games.”

“It sounds lonely.”

In a rare bout of honesty, Jean said, “I suppose it was. But I didn’t know anything else.”

Jeremy smiled. “Well, we’re here to help you figure it out. Just start with not beating the crap out of us, okay?”

Jeremy swore he saw the beginning of a smile on Jean’s face, but kept it to himself to preserve the small peace they had achieved. After a moment, Jean said, “Now you tell me something. It’s only fair.”

Jeremy sat up. “Like what?”

“Tell me about the angriest you’ve ever been.” The unspoken ‘so I can know what to expect’ hung in the air.

Jeremy coughed and began toying with his hands. “It was, uh, when my dad left.” When it became clear Jean wasn’t going to comment, he went on, “I was seventeen. I still don’t know why. All I knew was I came home from school and my mom was crying and he was gone. And everyone else was sad, but I was just...angry. That he would just walk out without even giving us an explanation. Like we weren’t even worth that.”

“What did you do?”

“I got my mom and siblings fed and asleep. And then I punched the wall and cried about it.” When Jean said nothing, Jeremy joked weakly, “Do I pass?”

Jean nodded. “Have you ever punched a person?”

“No, except on the court in high school.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

Jeremy smiled. “I know you’ll share your story with me some day.”


	93. Kevin and Jean- Funeral

Quite frankly, Jean didn’t know what he was doing here. Riko’s funeral was held about a week after his death, in order for media hubbub to die down and for proper covers to be put in place by the Moriyamas. Jean was still far from healed and hadn’t walked farther than the distance between Abby’s spare bedroom and the kitchen in weeks. However, public appearances had to be maintained and if Jean didn’t attend the funeral, he would answer for it later. So he ignored the heavy ache in his every limb, pulled on a suit, and piled into Abby’s car to say goodbye to the last twelve years of his life.

Reporters had been told to stay away, but Jean knew realistically that a few were bound to get through and likely ask about his going off the grid for weeks. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he would take an entire day’s worth of questions if it meant he could avoid talking to Kevin.

Kevin had been a solid presence in his room for the beginning of his recovery, but once the details of their shared deal with Ichirou and his transfer to USC were ironed out, he learned very quickly that Jean had no desire to speak to him and made himself scarce. Jean had no idea what state Kevin would be in today, but he knew he was in no mood to deal with it. He was too busy holding himself together.

When Jean arrived, Kevin was already seated at the front. Abby asked him quietly if he wanted her to sit with them, but Jean shook his head. Part of him felt rude for rebuffing her kindness so frequently, but her style of comfort was foreign to him. 

He sat next to Kevin and said, “You’re alone. That’s surprising.”

Kevin stared intently at the scar on his hand and said, “Yeah, uh, Thea was busy and Andrew wouldn’t come so...just me.”

Jean knew exactly how loaded that statement was, but didn’t feel like pressing on it, so he turned his attention to the program and focused on the empty lies within it that made him feel ill. He honestly didn’t let himself retain anything from the service, unable to hear the words of those that knew nothing of who Riko really was.

They went to the burial after and Kevin remained blissfully quiet. Once it was over, though, Kevin reached out for him. “Jean, wait,” he said, grasping at his shoulder.

Jean hissed in pain and flinched away. “Don’t touch me.”

Kevin wrung his hands, a habit he picked up when they were about thirteen and said, “Jean, I’m sorry. I know this is the last place you want to be.”

Jean scoffed. “You know nothing. Don’t tell me how I’m feeling and don’t apologize until I know you’re apologizing for what you’ve done and not for him.”

Kevin nodded. “Then if you can’t accept my apology, know I want things to be better for you. The Trojans are good-”

“Does it matter if they’re good if I am not free? You sold me to a different master, nothing more.”

Frowning, Kevin went on, “You don’t have to see it that way. It could be a new start for you. I’ve been there. It’s hard, but it’s possible-”

“Do not act as though you and I are the same. You can lie to yourself, but you cannot lie to me.”

Kevin stood still and let Jean walk away, but he didn’t get far before calling after him, “He was only a person, Jean. Try to remember that.”

Jean ignored his hypocrisy and walked to the car without a word. Riko may have been human, but humans created ghosts and Jean still had to live with Riko’s ghost whenever he closed his eyes.


	94. Jerejean- Graduation

Jean had imagined his graduation day for much longer than his college years, but it had only been recent that he’d been able to see it as anything other than an end. Now it was a beginning, which was weird and terrifying and liberating and Jean was having some difficulty coping with it all. It hadn’t been difficult to find a professional team to play for with his reputation, so all he really needed to focus on was passing his classes and walking across the stage, so he found himself with a lot of time to think.

He wasn’t alone for too long though. He told Jeremy, Alvarez and Laila that they didn’t have to come, but they waved off his protests and insisted they wouldn’t miss it for the world, Alvarez even threatening to bring signs. They showed up the night before the big day and the four of them hit up their favorite place, immediately jumping back into the ongoing war between Alvarez and Jeremy over who could eat the most waffles. Jean liked his teammates, but he had missed the closeness of his little group. 

They enjoyed catching up, but Laila and Alvarez headed to their hotel room around 10, knowing they needed time to get ready in the morning. Jeremy, however, was staying with Jean and Jean was surprised to find himself a bit nervous. Sharing a room with Jeremy was nothing new, but since Jeremy had graduated, their conversations had changed to a different level. Once Jeremy was no longer Jean’s captain, they had started tentatively flirting and it was fun, but Jean didn’t know what would happen once they were alone together.

Luckily, Jeremy was good at diffusing awkward moments and made himself at home. “Of course you’re already packed,” he said, looking around Jean’s room. “I think I left, what, ten minutes before I had to be out when I graduated?”

Jean laughed at the memory of Jeremy frantically rushing around the room to get his things before the cutoff time passed. “I don’t have as much to pack, I suppose.”

Jeremy shrugged. “More than you came with.”

Jean looked around at the various things he’d acquired over the past two years: countless USC hoodies, his portfolio of art projects, stained coffee mugs and team pictures. “That’s true.”

Jeremy scooted closer to Jean where he was staring down at his hands. “What’s on your mind?”

“Just a lot to take in. Two years ago I had nothing and now...I have all this. It’s strange.”

“Good strange?” Jeremy asked, nudging his shoulder.

Jean smiled. “Yes. Good strange.”

Jeremy looked like he was trying to contain his enthusiasm to avoid overwhelming Jean, but Jean rolled his eyes fondly and said, “Go ahead.”

Jeremy lit up. “I’m just really proud of you, you know? You’re like, barely the same person from two years ago and I never dreamed we’d be this close and- I’m just going to hug you know, okay?”

Jean let Jeremy pull him in and he buried his face in Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy made him feel warm and safe in a way he’d never felt before. “Thank you for being here.”

Jeremy smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it. And then, we move in together and we can finally hang out again! It’s been boring without you.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was a raincloud,” he said, referring to one of their earliest conversations.

“Okay, yeah, but you’re a fun rain cloud.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing, Jeremy.”

“It totally is! It’s balanced.”

Jean smirked. “Are you saying you’re the sun to my cloud?”

Jean was pleased to see Jeremy blush at that. “I-didn’t say those words exactly.”

“It’s okay. You are.”

They talked for most of the night and Jeremy was a bad influence in Jean almost being late to the ceremony. Still, he was the loudest voice in the audience as Jean walked across the stage and as he looked out to find him, he saw a lot of sunshine (and hopefully some kisses) in his future.


	95. Kevin-Disappointment

“Please try to be happy for me.”

Jean had just confided in Kevin that he and Jeremy were dating and Kevin was thankful that this conversation was happening over the phone so he didn’t have to plaster on a smile. Kevin had no illusions that he and Jean were close enough to warrant being told this information, but Jean knew what Jeremy meant to Kevin and didn’t want him to hear the news from anyone else.

“I am,” Kevin assured him. And ultimately, it was true. Jean sounded lighter, happier, and Kevin was truly glad that they had both made it out of the Nest and that Jean was clearly thriving.

That being said, as Kevin hung up, he was forced to confront the ugly hole the conversation left in his chest. His thinking was irrational, he knew, but he couldn’t help feeling like Jean did this to spite him. Jean was the only person who knew how Kevin felt about Jeremy. Many speculated, but Jean knew.

When Kevin saw Jeremy for the first time, it was like being flooded with light. His heart raced in his chest when he smiled in interviews and he felt warm looking at him. However, he was so inexperienced with feelings of that nature that he was honestly unable to distinguish that feeling from the feeling he got when he scored a goal.

Ironically, it was Jean who forced him to come to his senses. Kevin had been needling Riko incessantly about needing to see a USC game in person. Once Riko was asleep, an increasingly annoyed Jean had hissed at him, “Do not anger him because of your ridiculous crush.”

Kevin sputtered at the accusation. “I don’t-”

‘You do. You blush like a schoolgirl whenever you see him and I’ve seen that photo you hide by your bed.”

Kevin flushed a deep red. “I have never-”

“I don’t want to know. My point is, Jeremy Knox would in a room with any of us for five minutes and run screaming. Don’t waste your breath.”

Kevin replayed that conversation over and over as he tried to discern any sign of how Jean could have changed his opinion of Jeremy. Kevin didn’t intend to let Jean know his true feelings, but alcohol and isolation had never been his friends, so he found himself texting Jean, “You stole him.”

He didn’t expect anything back, but he received a curt, “He isn’t yours.”

Ever his own worst enemy, Kevin responded, “But I saw him first.”

“You can’t own a person, Kevin. You of all people should know that.”

Kevin threw his phone and buried his face in his pillow. It didn’t take long for him to fall into a fitful slumber, wallowing his own pity.

\--

When he woke, it was to his phone being slammed down next to his head. He groaned and tried to push it away, but his wake up call was Andrew, so he wasn’t going to find any sympathy.

“You made your bed. Lay in it.”

Kevin unlocked his phone and sighed as he faced the multitude of unread messages. Most of them were irrelevant, but the message from Jeremy asking if he and Jean were okay stung more than he thought it would. Normally a text from Jeremy would make his entire day, but now all he could think was that “he’s not worried for you.”

Taking Andrew’s words to heart, Kevin swallowed his pride and dialed a number.

“Jean? Can we talk?”


	96. Jerejean- Rivalry

As much as they wanted it to be simple, there was a distinct dichotomy present in Jean and Jeremy’s relationship. They were very, very much in love, but they were also both private people and they didn’t want the details of their relationship out in the open. 

Being public figures didn’t lend itself well to that, though, and the sport’s fandom was well known for its shipping debates. Jean had been a bit alarmed when he saw how invested the fans were in the idea of him and Jeremy dating, but Jeremy just laughed and said it was inevitable. “We are adorable, you know.”

Seeing how uncomfortable it made Jean, though, especially considering his notoriety because of the Ravens, Jeremy devised a plan to throw people off a bit. “We make up a rivalry.”

Jean raised an eyebrow. “A rivalry.”

“Yeah. You know, we act like we don’t like each other, trash talk a little bit. It could be fun.”

Jean still looked a bit wary. “It sounds like a lot of work…”

Jeremy held his hands up in mock surrender. “Fine, fine. I get it. You’re worried I’m a better actor than you and you don’t want to lose. It’s fine.”

Jean narrowed his eyes and got the intense look in his eyes that made Jeremy’s stomach relocate to somewhere near his throat. “We’ll see,” Jean said simply.

\--

The next time their teams played each other, one reporter asked Jean, “After being so used to playing with each other as teammates, is it difficult having to play against Jeremy Knox, your former captain?”

Jean shook his head. “Knox is a good player, but I don’t feel the need to go easy on him just because we played together once. At least now I have the chance to best him freely.”

That response raised some eyebrows and Jeremy was asked to respond. “I’m not going to talk badly about another player. Jean is a good player, but I think our performances on the court speak for themselves.”

They managed to make it back to their car before bursting out laughing after the game.

When he could finally speak again, Jeremy said, “You’re going to best me? You sound like a cartoon villain. Besides, remember that time I straight up tripped you on the court?”

Jean went a little pink. “You didn’t trip me...I meant to fall. And you apologized for ten minutes after and bought me a cookie so I don’t think it counts.”

“Uh huh…” Jeremy murmured, leaning in to kiss Jean.

A truce was declared for the rest of the night.

\--

They managed to keep the charade up for the rest of the season, until the announcement that Jean would be transferring to Jeremy’s team threw a wrench in their well-laid plans. The internet seemed to be gearing up for the drama and Jean and Jeremy had to devise their next step.

“We should rehearse answers,” Jeremy said.

“Okay. You start.”

Jeremy cleared his throat before imitating a reporter, saying, “Jean, do you think it will be difficult relearning how to play with your noted rival, the extremely attractive Jeremy Knox?”

Jean pretended to think about it for a moment before dipping Jeremy against the arm of the couch, causing him to squeak. 

“I don’t think it will be hard at all,” he said, drawing Jeremy into a deep kiss.


	97. Kandreil- Sleep

There was a rhythm to the way the three of them woke up. Neil would wake first, at four or five or some other ungodly hour, and go for a run. Andrew would wake up when Neil moved, but after long enough of dealing with Neil’s schedule, he knew how to simply roll over into the warm spot he left behind and fall back asleep.

When Neil got back an hour or so later, he would put on the coffee while he took a shower, which would be enough to finally rouse Andrew. Once Neil got out of the shower, he would give Kevin his nice wake up call, which consisted of kisses and promises of coffee. On the days where that didn’t work (which was most days), Andrew was there to dump cold water on him or flip the mattress. They were all comforted by this routine and most mornings went by without a hitch.

This was not one of those days. Neil woke at his usual time like clockwork, but he felt too sluggish to get up. He hoped he wasn’t coming down with something. Having all three of them sick was miserable. Regardless, he nestled himself back against Kevin and attempted to go back to sleep.

Shortly after, though, he was surprised to feel Kevin’s lips nuzzle his hair.

“Why aren’t you running?” Kevin mumbled sleepily.

Neil shrugged. “You’re too comfy-I didn’t want to move. Why aren’t you sleeping?:

“Waiting for the warm spot,” came his tired reply.

“What?”

 

From his other side, Andrew murmured, “When you get up, you leave a warm spot for us. Why the hell else would we not make you sleep on the couch when you wake up so goddamn early?”

Neil gaped at them. “You know what, just for that, I’m gonna stay right here in the comfy warm spot.” He wiggled around for extra measure.

He could practically see Kevin and Andrew looking at each other from over his head and he knew he was in for it. Before he could try to gauge what they were planning, he felt Kevin press up against his back.

“Kev-” he started, but then Andrew was moving to press against his front. Neil was preparing to say it was too early for this sort of thing, when they both just...fell asleep. Basically on him. Neil was nothing if not stubborn, though, and if this was their childish way of trying to make him move, then they had another thing coming. 

After a few minutes of this, Neil way too warm to be comfortable. He nudged at them a little. “Okay, fine, I’m getting up.”

When neither of them reacted, he tried again. “Seriously, you’re like space heaters. Move.”

He was greeted with more silence and he sighed. “Seriously, what do you want?”

“Say the magic words,” Andrew mumbled against his shoulder.

“Never,” Neil answered.

“Hmm...those aren’t the magic words. I guess you’re doomed.”

Neil gritted his teeth in frustration and said, “Fine. You win.”

Andrew relented then and rolled off enough that Neil could crawl out. “You guys suck,” Neil said, stalking off to start the coffee.

“You knew that already,” Kevin murmured directly into the warm spot.

Later, though, Andrew bought him fro-yo without bitching about how it wasn’t real ice cream and Kevin let him nap on him after practice, even when his legs fell asleep. They were assholes, but Neil loved them just the same.


	98. Jerejean- I love you

Falling in love was a tricky business. Jeremy had grown up with fairy tales, so he wanted there to be a formula, a quick guide that made falling in love easy. “10 Steps To Guarantee You Fall Deeply and Madly in Love.”

Unfortunately, as he grew older, he learned that life didn’t quite work that way and that falling in love felt different every time. The last time Jeremy had fallen in love, it was his sophomore year of college and it felt like easing into a pool, letting himself get slowly more and more submerged.

To keep with the metaphor, falling in love with Jean felt like being pushed face first into the pool and told to swim. One day, Jean was his best friend that he had just graduated to kissing and the next…

He rolled over and saw Jean next to him sleeping, his face for once at peace. He was smiling softly, another rarity, and in his sleepy haze, Jeremy thought, “I’m so in love with him. I don’t know what to do.”

The sudden realization had him pulling back slightly out of Jean’s arms. At the loss of warmth, Jean frowned a bit and reached out. “Jere…”

Jeremy swallowed his panic and folded himself back against Jean. Jean stroked his hair and murmured, “Go back to sleep, angel. It’s too early.”

Jeremy nodded and tried to fall back asleep, but his thoughts were still racing. What did he do about his feelings? He wanted to tell Jean, but kept second-guessing himself. Was it too soon? Did Jean feel the same way? What if Jeremy freaked him out by telling him? It was a lot to think about.

Eventually, he must have fallen into a fitful sleep, because he woke to the feeling of Jean chuckling against his neck. “You’re thinking very loudly this morning, my love.”

Jeremy was poised to respond when it finally registered what Jean had said. Jeremy whirled around to face him. “You...love me?”

Jean tilted his head and ran his hand down Jeremy’s cheek. “Of course. You’re amazing, Jeremy. Your kindness, your bravery. I love every bit of you.”

Jeremy’s heart fluttered. “I love you too. This feels like a dream…”

Jean smiled. “Would you feel this if you were dreaming?” He leaned in to kiss Jeremy and before Jeremy could melt into it, he nipped at his bottom lip.

Jeremy jumped slightly before letting his mouth split into a wide grin. “No...I don’t think I would.”

They both smiled goofily and Jean pulled him into a kiss with both hands on his cheeks. They giggled into the kiss and Jean moved them both so Jeremy was laying on his back with Jean hovering above him. “This okay?”

Jeremy nodded hastily and Jean smiled before leaning in to kiss him again. “I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s cheek. “I love you.” The hollow of his throat. He showed his love to every centimeter of Jeremy’s body, until Jeremy felt like a blissed out puddle. In return, Jeremy kissed the pads of each of Jean’s fingers, making him shiver. “I love you, too.”


	99. Andreil- Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So, first, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has enjoyed these so far, and left kudos or comments. I love you all so much and without you, I wouldn't be writing. Second, this story is going to hit 100 chapters very soon, so I just want to ask: After that, do you want me to keep posting in this fic, or do you want me to change this to complete and make a second fic, maybe reorganizing by pairing? I'll do whatever you guys recommend, after all, this is for you. Thank you again and enjoy!

Even though he knew there was nothing stopping him now- no secrets, no need to be alert for hasty escapes- Neil still seldom got drunk. He wasn’t a fan of the taste and the drinks that managed to mask the alcohol were all sickly sweet, which made him more ill than the hangover the next day.

However, as a college student, and specifically a member of the Foxes, it was very hard to avoid drinking altogether and he was known to partake when the mood struck him. This week in particular had been rough and Neil was looking forward to relaxing for the weekend. They had a bye week and Neil would normally have spent the extra time in Columbia, except Andrew was having one of his bad weeks. Neil checked in every day, but it was clear that he wanted space and Neil wasn’t going to push it. 

So when Matt offered him a few beers, he wasn’t going to say no. Despite his size and relative inexperience, Neil wasn’t a lightweight, so he didn’t feel intoxicated, just relaxed and a bit more sociable. So when Matt asked, “How are things with Andrew?”, Neil felt compelled to give him more than just an, “It’s fine,” as an answer.

“It’s...things are good.” Nailed it.

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Something you want to talk about?”

Neil looked down at his hands. “I just wish I could help him more. I know it’s not personal-but sometimes...he just goes somewhere I can’t follow and I don’t know how to pull him back. And I’m just worried that one of these days it’s not going to be enough. I’m not going to be enough.”

Despite Neil’s worries that he wasn’t making sense, Matt nodded slowly. “When we first got together, Dan didn’t talk when things bothered her either. She always wanted to seem so strong. Eventually, I just had to trust that she would open up when she’s ready. I still don’t know a lot of specifics about what she went through in high school. But we’ve got the rest of our lives. All I can do is love her.”

Neil sat quietly, taking a minute to process all of that. Finally, he admitted, “I’m so in love with him and I don’t know what to do with that.”

Matt smiled, but didn’t comment directly on the confession. Instead, he said, “Look. I know it’s hard for you to see, but he’s so different with you. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“I don’t think I can tell him how I feel.”

Matt shrugged. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

“Listen, man. I’ve had people tell me they loved me that didn’t and people that do who have never said it. Loving someone quietly doesn’t make it any less.”

After that, they dropped the serious talk and turned back to Matt teaching Neil how to play the latest video game he bought.

That night, Neil returned to his room and found Andrew sitting in one of the beanbag chairs. Sleep hadn’t come easily to him the last few days. Neil dropped next to him in the other chair and after a moment of silence, turned his hand palm up toward Andrew, being careful not to touch him.

“Whenever you’re ready- I’m here.”

Neil left it at that and settled into the beanbag. Right before he drifted to sleep, he felt Andrew’s fingers twine through his and squeeze.


	100. Andreil- Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Once again, I want to thank you all for continually supporting this fic and my writing, I appreciate and love every single one of you. As of right now, I've gotten one response supporting the idea of me ending this story here and making another document for the next 100 prompts. If you would prefer I just keeping going here, let me know! If I end up making a new fic, it will probably be called something lame like "More Afterthoughts", so you'll know it's me, but I'll still make another chapter here just saying where I am. Once again, let me know what you think and thank you all for reading! Enjoy!

While things had gotten better between the upperclassmen and the monsters, they still tended to keep to their separate corners. As such, Neil tended to feel a little like he was caught in an awkward custody battle. Not outright hostile anymore, but still uncomfortable.

On this particular night, he was with the upperclassmen, watching movies and eating grossly unhealthy snack food. Dan and Allison were embroiled in a debate over what was the ultimate movie snack, popcorn or twizzlers, with Matt and Renee acting as referees.

Allison turned to Neil and asked, “So what do you think?”

Neil thought for a minute before saying, “I would probably just bring a granola bar with me if I thought I was gonna get hungry.”

They all groaned practically in unison and Matt told him he needed to get away from Kevin’s influence. 

Allison was in the middle of trying to convince Neil that twizzlers were basically fruit when she trailed off and Neil turned to follow her gaze, only to find Andrew leaning against the doorway.

“Did you need me?” Neil asked.

Surprisingly, Andrew shook his head. “It’s fine. I can wait until you’re done talking to them.”

After a long pause, Renee asked, “Would you like to join us, Andrew?”

Andrew slowly pushed himself off of the doorway and Neil had to bite down on his grin as Andrew sat next to him, their knees brushing. Another awkward silence settled over them, but Allison broke it, saying, “So. Andrew. Best movie snack: popcorn or twizzlers?”

Andrew arched an eyebrow. “Are those my only options?”

“I guess not.”

Andrew tapped his fingers on Neil’s leg. “Slushie. Cherry.”

Matt protested, saying that slushies were meant to be uniquely gas station fare. This led to a discussion on liminal spaces and two hours passed before they decided to call it a night.

Once they were in the hallway, Neil stopped Andrew before they headed into their room. “Thank you. I know you don’t really like them.”

Andrew turned over his thoughts before answering, “They’re important to you.”

Neil knew he shouldn’t press his luck and that that was already a loaded answer, but he couldn’t help continuing, “And?”

Andrew turned to unlock the door. “And nothing.”

They headed in and Neil was grateful for the way the darkness hid his smile. They both started getting ready for bed and Neil hesitated. These days, they switched between Neil sleeping in his own bed and him joining Andrew in the loft. Andrew got in and Neil got his answer when he said simply, “Well?”

Neil climbed up and settled in facing Andrew, careful not to touch unless Andrew initiated it. Aware of how big a step this entire night had been, Neil decided he wanted to be vulnerable for Andrew in return. 

Neil started to pull up on the edge of his own shirt. “Yes or no?” he asked, despite it being Andrew’s thing.

“What exactly are you proposing?”

“I sleep with my shirt off. You can touch my scars.”

Andrew went still. “And you’re okay with that?”

“I’m offering, right?”

“That’s not an answer.”

Neil regrouped. “Yes. I want you to touch me.”

With that confirmation, Andrew’s hands joined his to pull his shirt the rest of the way off. Neil felt every place where Andrew’s hands brushed his skin, from his fingertips all the way up his torso. Andrew’s hand ended up resting on his chest, palm over the iron mark. Neil expected him to move, but he held his hand there, making Neil’s chest burn hot.

“This okay?” Andrew asked.

“Yes.”

Andrew nodded and leaned forward to press a kiss to Neil’s lips after he gave a nod. “Goodnight.”

Neil couldn’t hide his grin as he settled in to sleep. It had been a lot for one day, but Neil knew it was a promise of good things to come.


	101. NEWS

Okay, so I'm just adding this chapter to officially state that I am closing this document up here. The next 100 prompts will be over in "More Afterthoughts" (Catchy title, I know). I'm not gonna organize it according to pairing, mostly because that's a lot of work I don't want to deal with. So once again, thank you so much for sticking around, and hopefully I'll catch you over there!


End file.
